Ex taking DD on holiday

[InTheKitchenAtParties]

So Ex is a bit of a Disney dad. Sees DD when it suits his schedule, on average 1 night a week. He is from Europe (I'm being deliberately vague), all his family still live abroad.
He has been talking about taking DD to visit his family but no he plans were made. I agreed conditionally.
Anyway today he tells me he has decided to take her in a weeks time, for 2 weeks and is that ok?? And I need to let him know immediately so he can book annual leave from work and book the flights.
I refuse to agree to 2 weeks, 1 week is more than enough time from DD to be away from me. She is 3 btw. Her DGPs don't speak any English so there is no common language. I am certain ExP will leave DD almost exclusively in their care while he goes off and enjoys himself. I believe this will be unsettling for DD. And tbh for me also.
I have reluctantly agreed to 1 week but in ExPs mind this is not good enough. He says he is going for 2 weeks or not at all. And if his family are upset not to see DD that is my fault.
ExP can be very petty and manipulation, but I am standing my ground on this issue because I have to do what I think is best for DD. 1 week or nothing. So AIBU?

If they want to see her they can come to you. Honestly, don’t let him leave the country with her.

I would jump on his counter offer of not at all. Sounds unsettling and upsetting for her.

My husband and I aren’t separated and I wouldn’t let him take her abroad without me for a week let alone two.
Not because I don’t trust him, my DD is so clingy for me I know she’d hate it and would just want to go home.
As for someone who spends a couple of hours a week with her, no way would she be going at this age.
My DS is 5 and I’d let him to because they’re so close and I know he’d love it. You know your child better than anyone.

You can get a prohibited steps order in place. She is very young, they don’t have a consistent relationship and the language barrier. It wouldn’t be in her best interests to be separated from you for so long.

The courts were quite happy for DDnot to do overnights with her dad until she was 4 and that she wouldn’t go to visit family until she was 6 as it was a good drive away but still in UK. Don’t feel guilty her grandparents could visit or Skype her DDs paternal family do every week when she’s with her dad to build a relationship.

It depends on the child and the relationship with the parent is taking him for holidays. DS would have been ok but I know another child who wasn’t even for a week traveling with the mum (he spent most of his time with the GPS)

I think the fact he is insisting in 2 weeks despite you authorising one may be a good indication that he wants to bring her back but as someone said above. I wouldn’t let her go unless there is a court order or process in place that proves her regular and rightful place of residence is with her mother. Without it, he can easily claim he is the resident parent after a long stay and there is NOTHING you can do to bring your DD back if he decides to keep her there even if the country she is taken has signed to The Hague Convention.

Skypes regularly with GPs yet they don't speak a word of English and she can't be left with them?

If they want to see her they can come to you. Honestly, don’t let him leave the country with her

Agree with this. Let them come here, she’s too young to go imo. I would be saying to ex that I’ve changed my mind and that she’s too young especially as you feel DD would be left with his non English speaking family for long periods. No chance.

Skypes regularly with GPs yet they don't speak a word of English and she can't be left with them? hmm

Not sure what you're implying - that OP is lying? It's not difficult to imagine that she Skypes with them during her contact time with her dad and that he does the talking in his parents' native language.

OP, if he won't even engage with mediation then he's no sort of dad. You can't let her go, can you? He isn't fit to take care of her, he doesn't know her well enough and isn't capable of understanding her needs (clearly). It's got to be a no. Can you even trust him to return her, as other PPs have pointed out? Tbh I think you need to get really tough with him. This irregular and insufficient contact can't be good for your daughter. The effort should be forthcoming from him, you shouldn't have to drive it. I would be tempted to say that he can have her every Saturday from 9am until 6pm (or whatever suits you and DD) and that no contact will be allowed outside these times until he has built up a proper relationship with her, at which point you can increase his contact with her. If she is not collected by 9:30am then you will not release her to him until the following Saturday. If she is not returned by 6pm on the dot then she will not be seeing him again. He will either take you to court, in which case you will have a proper agreement put in place, or he won't bother. Or I suppose he might surprise you by sticking to it and then you can gradually increase contact, although that seems unlikely given all you've said.

Does he have her over night at the moment? If the answer is no then she definitely won’t be going.

Its a good idea about the passport office, but can he get her one from his country.
I would say not taking her at all, and move to formally getting residency , and prohibited steps order.

Young kids can Skype without knowing the language, they can hardly speak a language themselves but are good at reading people’s faces and body language.

Op just be aware that even if you do get a child arrangement order , chances are it will state that if your ex can't take your DD out of the country then Neither can you

Does he have PR?
can you legally stop him taking her?

I’m in general a chilled person but No way would I agree to even a week in your situation .
Child too young and there is the risk that he doesn’t bring her back ...