Struggling mummy

[mrssalvatore14]

Posting here for traffic sorry

Dd is 1 next week she used to be a good sleeper
Then she struggled with the 4 month sleep regression crying a night, fighting sleep waking several times crying. We moved past it and she started being great again
Routine is bath, bottle & bed sometimes she falls asleep on the bottle depending on how busy our day was. If not I have to lay next
To her in my bed then transfer her to the cot, she will not go down awake in the cot I've tried sleep training I leave for a couple of minutes then go back reassure her. Cuddle for a few minutes till she settles and try again. She doesn't let up as soon as I put her down she's not even crying to sleep not that I'd leave her that long I can manage 4/5 minutes before I'm a wreck 😭
Once she's down I put her in the cot she usually wakes early hours of the morning and I put her in bed with me just because I work and I'm tired getting up several times if not. I drive for work so I don't like to be tired on the road as obviously it's dangerous and concentration is lacking.
Recently she's started kicking her legs like she can't get comfy, she refuses any covers on! I've stripped her down to a vest and
The kicking is constant I'm
Covered in bruises my ribs are in bits 😩 I don't know what to do
Sorry it's so long
thank you

Oh dear yes this sounds familiar! Do you have anyone helping you? I really think you need to try sleep training again, going to sleep only with you there is not great for your child or your mental health. You need your own time and your baby needs to learn to be independent. I find thinking of sleep training/ discipline in this way I.e. this is the best thing for my child, I am putting their well-being first, helps me be strong.

Outside of that how is your sleep hygiene. Do you get to bed nice and early, ensure you wind down?

Finally, you are not alone. I have slept an average of five hours a night now for almost five years. You will survive I promise

Xx

Thank you for replying
I have a partner and a 4 year old which makes life harder because when I put him to bed I lay with him till he falls asleep which I have always done so I don't want to take that away because I don't want him to feel like I don't have time for him anymore.
Dp does help but she doesn't settle well with him as he isn't always home for bath and bed he works very long hours.
I don't want to leave her to cry herself to sleep but I do keep trying.
This is how it is at the moment
Last night she was asleep for 7.30 I laid her on my bed where she stayed sound asleep till I went to bed at 11.30 as soon as I transferred her she woke.
I put her back in my bed and she instantly went back to sleep I left her ten minutes and tried again and surprise surprise she woke again.
I can cope with her in bed bed if she wasn't constantly kicking her legs 😔

Does she have a pillow in your bed? X

I remember going through this with DD when she hit about 13 months old. I had it explained to me that she could be starting to understand that she and I were seperate people and as such, went through a deeply clingy/separation anxiety phase. Like you I’d rock her to sleep either on the sofa or sat on my bed, but she would always wake up when I tried to move her back to her cot! DS thankfully sleeps like a brick so wasn’t as difficult (twins).

We tried a few different ideas but what worked eventually was reintroducing her comfort blanket (a little teddy bear one) that she wasn’t fussed about before and making sure that was with her when we started our wind down routine in the evening, hoping she would then associate it with sleep time!

Also putting her into her cot when she was drifting but not completely asleep. Then I’d sit in the room with her with my hand in her cot to hold if she was feeling anxious. It took a few weeks but eventually she grew out of it.

Now her treasured ‘bear blanky’ is her go to when it’s time for sleep, we will do last bottles and as soon as she is in her cot she will pick it up and start to rub it against her face to self soothe :)

It’s extremely exhausting but good luck in settling your DD OP (I lost track of how many times I fell asleep in the chair in the twins bedroom 😂).

I feel for you OP - my DS who is now 2 and a half honestly used to wake up 3-5 times a night until he hit 2. I’ve always had to rock or cuddle him to sleep or pat his bum for up to 20 minutes before he’d be in a deep enough sleep for me to tiptoe out of his room. Do not feel guilty for taking him into your bed - I got told off so many times for doing it by various people but we need sleep!!! In the end we did sleep training - I felt awful leaving him to cry but it only took us 3 nights to crack it and now he climbs into bed and goes straight to sleep and life honestly is that bit easier as I used to dread bedtime. Hugs xxx

I had my daughter's cot pushed up right next to my bed with the side down so when she woke in the night, she could come into my bed for a cuddle and then I could slide her back into her cot. It worked well for us as she still got her cuddles and slept better when she felt she was next to me, and I slept better as I didn't have a fidget bum attached to me and had minimal disruption when she did wake up

@Bambamber tried that, I've only recently
Put the side on and lowered it as before it was level With my bed, this was great for her to be touching me because day time hours of my kids touching me is apparently not enough 😂🙈

@lancslass17 yes she has a pillow, I'm unsure if you were about to flame me for
That but she's my child so if you were please don't waste your breath

I've got no real advice to give. The sleep thing is probably the biggest parental nightmare and frankly it's got nothing to do with good parenting, bad parenting, to sleep-train or not to sleep-train. They will sleep when they want to sleep and the bad news is there's probably not much you can do about it. The good news is that this too shall pass.

I just saw your thread title and my heart went out to you. It's so tough. Here's a virtual hug if you'd like one!

Hi no not at all just thinkibg If she has one in your bed , maybe she would sleep better if she had one if your pillows in her cot. My Ds is one next week too and I have done it I think it helps. Didn't want to suggest something and get flamed myself x you gotta do what works for you

@lancslass17 sorry for jumping to conclusions 🙈
I'm tired and defensive 😂 however I never flame anyone because I totally believe in not my circus not my monkeys 👍
She has a pillow in her cot I've even put her pillow on my bed then tried to secret agent transfer her while she's on the pillow..no luck!
Tonight she's exhausted so I was giving the sleep train another go because she's had her one year review this morning and HV suggested it.
Well she actually suggested moving her cot into the living room whilst I sleep in a bedroom so she's alone-she instantly got shut down with that one!
Anyway I'm almost ten minutes of crying and I'm done...they're only little once and I'd rather have no sleep than a distraught baby.
So here's to the next 3 years of disturbed sleep👌

Any chance you've a spare room or sofa bed? I had a cot resistant baby. He pretty much had a double bed from birth. When he was younger, one of us would sleep next to him and that gave us the most sleep overall. We'd take it in turns most nights so that one of us got a glorious undisturbed sleep every other night (two year old's toilet trips permitting). I appreciate sleeping apart from your partner may not be for everyone but we really liked it! I found it really difficult to co-sleep with three in the bed, but two was great. I should add, we're all back in our own beds now. There are of course lots of different ways of dealing with sleep arrangements and the only right way is the one you feel most comfortable with. You have all our sympathy and support, Mumsnet can be good for that sometimes.

We do occasionally sleep separately, my 4 year old has had a double bed for about 2 1/2 years so it's not too bad and people are in far worse situations than I.

Thank you all x