If you had your first counselling session....

[user3l5647]

today as you've been feeling quite low and stressed recently and your dh knew about the appointment but hasn't even bothered to ask how it went....would you feel upset about it?

I'm sorry this has upset you. How long ago was the session? Is it possible DH hasn't asked you because he doesn't want to rush you into talking about it?

Session was this morning....and no. Ever since he's come in he's done nothing but talk about himself and his day. Which fair enough he hasn't had the best of days...,but still

I never ask my DP about his therapy appointments. I wait for him to tell me. It’s his private session and I don’t want him to divulge unless he feels like it.

I feel this is different though. He hasn't even remembered I've been. That's part of the reason I've gone - I feel so unimportant all the time. Like I don't really matter but I'm there to sort all his issues out

YANBU at all. I'd feel upset too. However sessions tend to make stuff more raw, so worth being mindful if you decide to bring it up.

@MamaPeas thank you, you are right, I do feel really overwhelmed to be honest. I know he's had a bad day and now there's an atmosphere in the house. Not really what I needed.

No, it’s private. If you want to talk to him about him, do so. He’s not a mind reader and is probably respecting your privacy.

@AnnabelleBronstein no he's just forgotten

No, I'd not expect him to ask tbh.

No I think it's needy on your part, sorry. If you'd like to talk about it, just do.

But I feel like I can't now anyway as he's in such a mood. I won't matter as what he is annoyed about will take priority.

I wouldn't expect him to ask at every session. But last night he showed me where it was (I wasn't sure which street/building I needed to go to) he asked me what time my appointment was and how long it lasted.

I'm never the issue in our marriage. It's always him. Constantly. Nothing is ever about me. And he does have some health issues and I'll always go with him to appointments or ring him after to see how they've gone. That's how I am. Maybe I'm just expecting too much.

I don't know, I'm just messed up

The best relationships are honest ones. Don't sit waiting to see if he says anything, you are just going to make yourself feel worse/resentful. Tell him you went to your therapy session today and you are feeling a little overwhelmed. See how he responds. He may well be wondering whether to bring it up or not.

I have exactly the opposite problem - i don't want to talk about my therapy sessions and my partner regularly asks. I used to worry about it, but now I am just honest and say I don't want to talk about it when I don't.

user3l5647 You’re not expecting too much, and you’re not needy. It was a big deal, and likely to be difficult emotionally, and he should have at least asked you how it went. But to be frank he sounds like he’s only bothered about himself. Is it likely he’s the reason you’re feeling so low and down overall? I would.

In these circumstances I'd expect DH to ask a neutral question like "did you find it okay?" And then be prepared to listen but not push for details.

You know your DP. He's forgotten.

Maybe you could raise your feelings at the next session? Something is going on here - it sounds like you need help processing it.

But last night he showed me where it was (I wasn't sure which street/building I needed to go to) he asked me what time my appointment was and how long it lasted.

That sounds like he does care tbf

I don't even know. He talks about himself all the time. I obviously knew that when I married him. I never talk about myself or how I feel. I've also been through a lot of hard times (I know we all have) and have a disabled child. I just need to sort my head out. No one has ever really been there for me and I'm just so used to plodding along with my own crappy thoughts over thinking everything with everyone thinking I'm fine. And I'm really not fine :-(

Hardly needy to expect her husband to remember she'd been and ask if it went ok.

He showed care by making sure you knew where to go etc. His bad day has just made him forget. Why can't you say Im sorry you had a bad day but I feel I need to talk about my session. You need to start communicating more. It sounds like you put up & shut up too much tbh. IME of depression, people can be forgetful or sidetracked by their own 'stuff' (that's life) & not 'get' your struggling if you soldier on quietly putting a brave face on , while you're drowning in depression.

OP with all kindness, you need to start taking steps to be more vocal. He’s not a mind-reader, and whilst I understand how frustrating it is to be in a relationship with someone who only talks about themselves, stewing on it privately isn’t going to help the situation at all. You have to learn to communicate your needs, wishes and feelings to him

I can understand how you feel, although it's the opposite for me.
I got upset because my partner DID ask how it went! I'd just spent the hour pouring my heart out and crying and I just snapped at him as I felt as though he was invading my personal time and space.
I felt awful afterwards and apologised, but I guess everyone is different.

Could it be that he feels awkward about asking and instead is over compensating by talking about himself, to try and make you feel like you dont need to talk about the session? I cant see how he could forget overnight.

It's easy for everyone to say 'just talk to him' when you have mental health problems. It's not easy!! Communicating is something I massively struggle with, always have. So that advice is not helpful to me right now and is only reminding me of my issues.

He isn't waiting for my to bring it up or to talk. He's more interested in slagging the mother of his child off to even ask how I am.