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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for a date

15 replies

Astra15 · 05/07/2019 20:10

A couple of weeks ago I was in a local cafe. The man who was standing at the till kept looking over and my friend kept telling me he was looking at me. When I went over he was very chatty and friendly and eventually said "it's astra isn't it? We matched on tinder a few days ago". I was a bit taken a back that he remembered me as I didn't remember him but he seemed nice so we chatted for a bit. I added him on Facebook when I left and we spoke a lot over messenger, sending a lot of messages over the week from morning til when we went to sleep. I was really liking the conversations which were actually about social issues we were both interested in. We arranged to meet on the Friday (a week ago).

He seems to know me from a while back. We're from the same area and he said he used to see me on the tube where we live and thought I was beautiful etc., but lacked confidence to come over. He also said he wanted to speak to me in the cafe before but his anxiety wouldn't allow him to do that. He's really insecure but in a similar way to me. He's very attractive but you can tell he doesn't think he is.

Now we both shared that we had had similar childhoods in relation to alcoholic parents etc. I was really nervous on the date and kinda spoke too much. He said he enjoyed listening etc and next time I should just ask him more questions. He left after about 3 hours.

We messaged a bit this week but I have been unwell so not a lot really. I really enjoyed spending time wirh him but I think I messed it up 😔

It's a massive shame because we are a great match, but maybe I am destined to be with losers all my life.

We spoke yesterday after me being ill since Monday but messages are a bit short and sweet.

I really want to see him again. I arranged the last date. Aibu to text and ask him if he is free this weekend?

OP posts:
LocksMyth · 05/07/2019 20:15

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Go for it otherwise you will likely spend the future wondering 'what if'. If nothing comes of it, you are no worse off than you are now.

Belle89 · 05/07/2019 20:18

Ask what his plans are, he may be waiting and thinking your not that interested if you haven't messaged as much due to being ill

ElizabethMountbatten · 05/07/2019 20:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

dancemom · 05/07/2019 20:34

Just message him and ask. If he says no or makes excuses at least you know and you can move on.

Astra15 · 05/07/2019 20:38

I'm really quite shy so in my experience a man would express his interest. I know that's sexist. I just really fear rejection

OP posts:
Astra15 · 05/07/2019 20:42

Also in my experience leaving after 3 hours may be a sign that he found me annoying?

OP posts:
Bluerussian · 05/07/2019 20:52

Go for it!

Howlovely · 05/07/2019 20:58

Definitely ask! I did OLD and it took me right out of my comfort zone. I just thought in the end, in for a penny, in for a pound and I was much more bold than I usually am in real life. It really paid off. Less than a year later I married the second man I met on there! Some things are just meant to be! You must ask or you'll forever be wondering. Best of luck! Keep us posted! X

Sunshine93 · 05/07/2019 21:02

If you want on one date and then the guy said he was ill and didn't message much you would probably assume he wasn't interested wouldn't you? He can't be sure you are not making up an illness to create distance. You said he was insecure so he is probably thinking you aren't as bothered.

ShinyMe · 05/07/2019 21:40

3 hours sounds like ages for a first date to me! If you find someone really annoying surely you leave after 40 minutes, not 3 hours? But then I haven't dated in years, I know nothing.

Tallgreenbottle · 05/07/2019 21:43

3hrs is a bloody long date Confused

Just text and ask. Though tbh I would've taken the opportunity being unwell to have time off work and text more. Why didn't you text so much?

FenellaVelour · 05/07/2019 21:46

I always tended to prefer shorter first dates so three hours seems a lot to me.

I would absolutely ask him.

PepsiLola · 05/07/2019 21:56

I would message saying something along the lines of

I'm really sorry I've not been as chatty as I normally am, I've been quite poorly. I feel like I'm on the up now and would love to meet up again xx

Astra15 · 05/07/2019 22:34

I had no idea 3 hours was a long time!

The unwellness was mental health related so I have been dead to the world the past week, so that's why I didn't text

OP posts:
TwistyTop · 06/07/2019 00:15

If I went on a date with someone and then the next day they said they were ill and started messaging me less then I would be a bit gutted and assume that they weren't interested in me.

Ask him on a date. You have nothing to lose

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