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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Housework and managing expectations

3 replies

majormumma · 05/07/2019 19:20

Is it unreasonable/ unrealistic to expect a house proud significant other to not get stressed when they come home to find the humble abode less than perfect?
It is the biggest source of contention between me and my fiancé. I play with LO, cook the meals, work part time. My fiancé works full time and is particularly house proud. Once in a while, the house (flat even) goes to shit. It’s not dirty, just messy but it’s always, always tidy before bed. My OH gets super stressed, either forcefully and whilst muttering under his breath cleans up around me, or does nothing because he is not able to cope with the stress. I never intentionally leave mess, sometimes the day just flies by and when fiancé gets home it’s less than happy homes. I honestly believe that as long as the house is tidied before bed, little man (ds) is happy and healthy, the living room has been put back then it’s ok. On the other hand, dear partner cannot relax. I appreciate he’s house proud and I really do try, some days more successfully than others. It hurts me that it stresses him so much, it’s really never my intention. My mum and dad has this argument repeatedly and it later resulted in them splitting up. I don’t want that, but I do feel that our expectations are misaligned. I welcome your thoughts and any suggestions how to not make this the end of us!

OP posts:
LannieDuck · 05/07/2019 19:24

Does fiance know how busy some days can be with a young child? (how old is LO?) It can be completely invisible work sometimes.

I suggest leaving LO with him for a weekend and come back at the end of the day expecting a tidy house, happy LO and dinner on the table.

You never know, he might manage it. But at least he'd have more appreciation for how difficult it can be.

Beebeezed · 05/07/2019 19:25

Perhaps your partner could do a day at home solely responsible of your child to see how the flat looks at the end of the day? Perhaps he doesn’t realise how busy you are and doesn’t appreciate the other things you are doing

LettuceP · 05/07/2019 19:29

I would hate to be frantically tidying before dh got home so as not to make him "stressed", that's no way to live.

Last night i got the kids into bed about 7pm then went downstairs to tidy up, thought "aah ill just have a quick scroll through Facebook first" and promptly fell asleep on the sofa 😂 dh got in from work about 9.30 and woke me up to go to bed. The house was a tip, dirty dishes in the sink, highchair filthy with food on the floor, toys everywhere etc and me and dh just had a quick tidy up and went to bed. No drama.

I think that it's very difficult to have a "perfect" house when you have small children. Yes you can keep it clean but not perfect. Your DH is being a bit of a dick tbh, is he quite controlling in other ways?

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