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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To resent my husband going out whilst I'm stuck here

14 replies

snoopy82 · 05/07/2019 18:13

My dd has been potty trained this week and I've been housebound a lot with the exception of little walks to the shops and back. I feel frustrated because the house isn't tidy and there's a tonne of ironing to be done and I haven't managed to keep on top of it due to having to keep dd confined to downstairs (tiles and wooden floors)

DH asked me did I mind if he went out for a few drinks tomorrow. It really upsets me he has failed to see I've given up a week to potty train our daughter with no input from him and after been housebound all week he wants to go out with his friends but what can I say?

I wouldn't have a problem with this but he doesn't just go out have a drink or two he'll go out drink way too much and spend must of Sunday in bits.

On top of this he's had stuff on this week after work so I've not had much help around the house when he's got home from work either.

I feel very resentful at the moment with him so I'm not sure if that's clouding my judgement. I have mum friends but we're all so busy we meet up for coffee and lunch not for evening drinks so maybe I'm a little jealous.

OP posts:
zafferana · 05/07/2019 18:24

So say to him 'No DH, it's not okay. I've been stuck in the house all week potty training our DD and I'm going stir crazy. The last thing I need is you too hungover on Sunday to do anything, while I'm left doing all the childcare, yet again'.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/07/2019 18:25

what can I say?

Honestly DH, it’s been a rough week and I’d prefer if you didn’t. I need a night off duty and you’re in charge.

PurpleDaisies · 05/07/2019 18:28

He’s asked you if you mind. You do, so you just need to say so.

MyOpinionIsValid · 05/07/2019 18:30

Can you get a baby sitter and go out too ?

LannieDuck · 05/07/2019 18:32

Could you suggest he go on Sunday - would he be more sensible if he had to get up for work the next day? (and even if he wasn't, you wouldn't lose a day of your weekend to his hangover)

pictish · 05/07/2019 18:33

I don’t think it would occur to many to decline a night out because their child has been potty training.
Just make sure he lets you have some down time for whatever you like to do, too.

snoopy82 · 05/07/2019 18:33

He said he'd stay and put dc to bed which is absolutely fine and stick to bottles but I really can't trust him as a few weeks ago told me the same story and walked through the door at 5am puking.

He doesn't drink much when he's out with me or ever in the house but when he's out with his friends it's like a switch goes off in his head.

OP posts:
Billballbaggins · 05/07/2019 18:34

I understand, it’s tough sometimes and it can make you jealous and hurt when your DH doesn’t seem to recognise you’re having it tough at the moment. Speak to him honestly and tell him how much work it has been this week, try and make time for yourself. You need to ask for what you want, though.

pictish · 05/07/2019 18:38

I drink more with my friends than I do with dh as well. It’s the novelty of being with people other than your immediate family. It’s great to hear some different conversation, be in a different place, get caught up in the group dynamic etc.
Unfortunately it can also lead to some...excess. So long as it’s not a regular feature I think it’s passable.

Aozora13 · 05/07/2019 19:07

We’re 2 weeks into potty training and I feel your pain - I had no idea how intense it would be! Neither did DH and he thought I was overreacting until I went out and left him in sole charge of wee catching while also baby wrangling!

Could you say to DH that you’d be happy for him to go out if you get to go out by yourself for a couple of hours on Sunday? And if he’s hungover to shit he just has to deal with it?

skybluee · 05/07/2019 19:09

I was about to write exactly that - leave the child with him for a few hours on Sunday while you get to go out yourself. He will just have to cope.

Singlebutmarried · 05/07/2019 19:13

If he’s going to get mouldy drunk I’d probably say fine, but stay at a friends as I’ve cleaned up enough effluent this week without your vomit adding to it.

Then next weekend have Friday and Saturday night to yourself.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 05/07/2019 19:23

He said he'd stay and put dc to bed which is absolutely fine and stick to bottles but I really can't trust him as a few weeks ago told me the same story and walked through the door at 5am puking.

The answer to his statement that he'll stay is "How can I trust you after last time?"

plantbased · 05/07/2019 19:30

Just tell him the truth about how you feel...??

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