Holiday with baby

[UncertainTraveller]

This is completely a first world problem and prepared to be told IABU! Sorry for length, trying to avoid a drip feed.

We have a 7mo DD and DH is a great dad. He's on shared parental leave and understands the demands of a baby. However, as I BF, I've done all the night wakes (he wouldn't mind doing them and did all the night nappy changes, it's just I have the boobs!). I've always loved my sleep and have struggled with the broken nights - I'm a worrier and lack of sleep makes me anxious and teary.

DD isn't a bad sleeper, but she wakes once most nights, and likes a 5:30/6am start to the day. DH is much more able to deal with lack of sleep than I am. He also sometimes unintentionally keeps me awake as he's a restless sleeper.

DH's main hobby is travel, and in particular collecting points to get really nice holidays cheap. We've had some fabulous long haul holidays over the years as a result. We've been on holiday once since DD was born, to Portugal last month - she was ok with the travel (2.5hr flight, in the day), but didn't enjoy being late for bedtime in both directions. DD spent many months taking short naps and has FINALLY started napping for longer periods, but only in a cot - she will nap in pram / carrier but only for 30/45 minutes. As a result, on holiday, I insisted she took her first nap in the villa every day to make sure she got one good nap a day. DH went along with this, but wasn't happy that we were "wasting time" rather than getting out and about.

DH would now like to do a long haul holiday when she'll be 10mo. He has a flight voucher that expires at the end of the year that would let us fly first class affordably, but can't be used for travel in Europe. He doesn't mind where we go: for him it's about having a luxury flight and exploring a new place. But I'm really nervous about taking DD on a long flight (6hrs+ with at least one direction being a night flight) and more importantly, the impact on her sleep and so mine of a 4+ hour time difference. I'd prefer not to use the voucher and instead do another holiday in the UK / Europe, but he thinks this is a waste of the voucher and the holiday wouldn't be the same without the luxury flight. He reckons DD will be fine if we just go with the flow and if not, we just won't do long haul again for a while.

I think we all won't enjoy a long haul holiday at this point - DD's too young to appreciate it, DH will be frustrated it's not the same experience as child free, and I'll be anxious and exhausted. AIBU?

Yabvu and incredibly precious about her sleep time. In fact you are probably making her more anxious than anything.
I also had a very fussy sleeper but we started travelling from 6m with ds and he just sort of adapted to it. You cant be so rigid with her sleep routine, you will be creating bigger problems for all of you .

We are on holiday in mallorca atm with our 11 month old and it is such hard work! Shes almost walking and crawls at lightning pace so I cant relax at all as I need to keep an eye on her all the time, daytime naps haven't been too bad but she will nap in the pushchair if shes laid down. Night time sleeps have been hit and miss so far, only one night shes actually slept in the push chair from around half 8. the other nights shes been awake til adyer 10pm, and one night it was 11.45pm before she went off. Combined with the tact that she is a late tether and now has 3 teeth coming through at the same time it's been abit of a nightmare to be completely honest! if I could go back I would wait until she was at least 2

@Charlottejade89 oops I wish I hadn't read your post! I'm going to Greece next moth when my daughter will be 1. She is also moving about like lightning, all the time. We will have cot in room, but...

God please dont take a baby in first class!! You could absolutely ruin someone's trip of a lifetime if she plays up. You are being a bit precious about her naps, she will sleep when she is tired and you will develop your own little routine whilst away

What a ridiculous comment about not taking baby in first class! Children are in first class regularly, what do you think people who fly first all the time do whenever they fly with their kids?!

We've never been long haul first with ours, just business but timed flights normally to be first thing in the morning (so baby is happiest!) or overnight (so will sleep).
Planes are so noisy that everything over than a real meltdown goes unnoticed by most people, especially in business/first where you have so much more space.

We‘re flying to Greenland next weekend with our 14 month old and 9 yr old. They’re both experienced travelers but I am a bit worried about the time zone change. However, it will be an amazing trip. We’re traveling business for the first leg, can’t wait!

We took ours to Aus in business class at 10 months and 27 months (and back a month later) It was no problem really.

YABU!! I will never understand this UK obsession with crazy strict routine for babies, especially really early and strict nightime routines. I'm glad I became an expat and saw how the rest of the world parent before having kids as I couldn't cope with this as it causes so much stress and inconvenience to parents, as well as no real benefit to children. In most countries people wouldn't even dream of missing out on something fabulous (or even something average like a dinner!) just because their child would get one late night! It is really not a big deal, at all. Also, she can sleep on the night flight. My children have been flying since a few months old and night flights are fab as they can just sleep. Your daughter will be fine adjusting to a time difference and I don't get why people act as though as child's strict routine is not only so important but also so difficult to implement. If I want my children to sleep early one night, I wake them earlier and have a busy day with them. If I want them to be able to stay up later then I let them sleep later, and have a relaxing day. My babies sleeping patterns can literally be changed SO easily! You'd be crazy to give up this holiday for a silly reason like this imo.

@Iliterallycantthinkofanythingq not all children are like that though. My first 2 were, and like you, I couldn't understand the fuss about routines and timings. My youngest 2 are fucking nightmare sleepers, I haven't slept properly for 4 years and 1 badly timed nap can lead to them being up until 2am!! Yesterday I had to nip out in the car at 2.30pm and the youngest fell asleep for an hour, this resulted in a 9.30pm bedtime and up for the day at 4.30am as well as 2 wake ups in between.

Go for it, babies are super adaptable, let her nap in the pushchair, enjoy your last holiday before she dominates everything (18 months to 3 years is the worst age). We travelled loads at that age, my DD had clocked about 100,000 miles by 5 (then we return to the U.K. and bought a house, long haul travel stopped!)

Go! Have a good time, I have a very similar situation with my son who is now 20 months. Weve done Dubai, Turkey and Egypt so far and yes it was stressful at times, but completely worth it. The memories, the experience and the photos will last far longer than the sleep deprivation. Especially flying first class, go for it!

I would say go and just relax about your daughters sleep. It will probably be hard work on that length of flight, but you're in 1st class so you do have a bit more space.

@SVRT19674 we took our son to Greece when he was 1 and I worried for weeks before and luckily he took it all in his stride, so you may be one of the lucky ones 😀😀😀

Well, the general consensus seems to be to go for it! I'll have a further ponder - we'll go on holiday somewhere, it's just the long haul bit that I'm not sure about.

On wider matters, I do definitely need to try to relax a bit more - easier said than done, unfortunately. We don't have a strict she-who-must-not-be-named style routine, but DD does get grumpy if she doesn't get one decent length (>45 minute) nap at some point in the day. We've yet to work out a way that she will reliably do that on the go! So to me, it made sense to do a cot nap at base at the start of the day, given she's up early anyway, then go with the flow the rest of the day.

She's so lovely and giggly when she is properly rested. But she definitely isn't a baby who will "just go to sleep when she's tired". Never has been, for me or DH. And her patterns don't just shift - she goes to bed when she seems tired (usually between 7 and 8), but having tried putting her down later, it just results in earlier mornings and more disturbed nights. No idea why! I think some babies just aren't as flexible as others, sadly.

Have you tried a snoozeshade? We use one with a portable battery operated white noise machine and it was a game changer and he started sleeping. I also found as he got older he got better with sleeping on the go for longer-now at 18 months I can easily get an hour in the pushchair/car etc.

I wouldn’t have done that tbh. The flight will be very difficult and it sounds a bit like your husband has unrealistic expectations of what holidays will be like with little people with you. I’d push for a short haul holiday at this stage.

@sweetooth92 We do have a Snoozeshade - it's great, but hasn't helped extend naps. I think it's being strapped in - when she shifts into a lighter sleep cycle, she can't wiggle freely. Not much choice about the straps though...

@queenioqueenio Yes, that's my worry. He's usually great, but just don't think he's quite got that any flight with a baby is not going to be a relaxing, luxurious experience!

Your DH clearly isn’t thinking about your DCs future then, in terms of climate change, if his main hobby is travel. I would suggest he gets a more sustainable hobby.

Send DH on his own.

Hi OP

I haven't done it, but a fair few friends have travelled long haul with a baby and everyone has had a good experience. I think that's a good age to go before they get too mobile. I think between walking and about 2.5 is worst as they want to be toddling everywhere but wont watch a film. She will probably like a lot of adults just sleep on the plane.

Babies are different though and some do need a stricter routine ( I have had one nap anywhere and one who would only sleep in her cot at set timea that if we deviated from meant the whole day and night was a write off).

I'd speak to your husband and set some conditions of you going eg look into toddler friendly places, somewhere that's not too hot etc. I'd probably tweak nap times so short morning nap out and about for 30 min or so and longer afternoon nap in hotel room after lunch to miss the hottest time of day.

Depending on where you're going you do t need to move to local time exactly e.g if its 4 hours ahead and she normally goes to sleep at 7 then just keep her on UK time so she can go out with you in the evening and sleep late (or compromise somewhere in the middle so she goes at 5 UK time and 9 local time so you can still go out together but it wont mess up sleeping so much)

I was fairly relaxed about sleep with m first but the second really was so awful, it made me incredibly anxious about sleep, it was a form of torture and every day revolved around sleep so I do sympathise, it did totally take over my life and I did turn down one trip and turn down visitors as I couldn't face anything that would make me even slightly more tired

The other thing you could consider is sleep training. Both mine were bf and we sleep trained 1st at 10 months when I went back to work and 2nd at 7 months as I literally couldn't cope any more. Both were fine away from home after being trained as long as I stuck to the routine. So your husband might benefit from you wanting to go and being less knackered when you're there but would need to put up with strict routine for it to work

If you head to South Africa there isn't much time difference