Majorly outing so I hope sil is not on here but need to know if I'm being UR.
So I have a pretty poor relationship with ILs and have been told to go nc many times on here but because of my dh I maintain low contact.
Just had my first baby a week ago, pretty traumatic, we both came very close to death but thank god for the nhs we were okay and were in hospital for a few days after for monitoring and now home with midwife visiting daily.
My mum came with me for the birth with dh and so met baby when he was well enough (actually the same time as I did as dh went with baby to be treat while my mum stayed with me). My dad picked my mum up from the hospital so had a quick look at baby then they both went home and we haven't seen them since. Although they did pop into our house to tidy and leave a shop 🙌
I have an excellent relationship with my parents as does dh but they want us to have some time to process the birth and recover. I think we will see them next week.
Fil text both of us continuously during the last 3 weeks of pregnancy asking about 'his grandson' and when he would be here etc. He even text hourly when he knew I was in labour and asked what time he could be expected to arrive?! Dh eventually told him he needed to concentrate on us and would let him know when baby was here which he did. ILs do not know how bad things were but they are aware that baby and I were both very poorly and had to be on hourly observations.
Fil has not text me since the birth. Not a congratulatory text or anything. He also made a private fb group to share photos of the baby and did not add me. 🧐 I believe all this is because when dh rang to say baby was born he asked to visit and dh said not until we were a bit better. Fil sent repeated texts to dh telling him to ask me if they could come for half an hour. I wasn't aware of any of this at the time as I was out of it pretty much! I think they have decided that I made the decision that they couldn't come when in fact it was dh and the midwives told him this was the right thing to do.
As soon as my catheter was out and I could get out of my hospital bed we said they could visit (so two days post birth). No one else met baby before them as we were both so busy being prodded and tested etc the last thing we needed was visitors at the hospital.
So ILs visited on Tuesday, all well (if somewhat strained). I think they realised how poorly I had been as they were unusually pleasant. I'm hoping that this is a turning point!
However fil has now text dh saying he is visiting again tomorrow. Dh said that wasn't possible as we have guests (my siblings are coming to meet baby for the first time) and fil replied saying he would text when he was near.
Aibu to think definitely not? Before baby ILs had no interest and visited twice a year if that. I know they are excited to be grandparents but this is too much for me when I'm trying to get used to breastfeeding and having a tiny baby. I have a lot of stitches and find sitting or even walking hard. I guess the UR part of me thinks I am not obligated to put myself out any further than I have for a man who has so little respect for me and who has been pretty awful in the past to me. I know things have to change but I would like that to be at my pace and not suddenly start seeing them twice in one week.
Please don't flame me I am aware I'm quite emotive atm!!