To ask what you think of this picture?

[Chaseyounot]

I've just left a 2 year relationship where I felt like I was doing everything, putting in way more effort than he was! I would plan dates, and he would cancel last minute, I was the one always calling and texting, he would sometimes text first but that was once in a blue moon. He would always promise to put in more effort but never did, in the end I just felt drained and worn out from doing everything and feeling like I was at the bottom of his priority list. I'm not saying the man should do everything and the woman should sit back, I'm just saying if a person really loves you, you will see and feel it. Things will flow easily and won't be this hard. Genuinely interested in hearing what you think of this picture?

I think that there is a happy medium between your ex and the picture you shared. Naturally, some people are better at planning (in my marriage that's my wife) but there's a difference between being disorganised and thoughtless. It's not upto either party, it's about finding a compromise and what works for you.

That is a little Stepford Wifey-American for my liking but there is an element of truth to it. I think that article implies the dating stage - if you are having to ring him to make dates and he never calls, then get some dignity and stop making the calls. Personally, I wouldnt be running after a bloke that showed no interest.

Sexist bullshit but based on generations of ingrained misogyny so there are probably plenty of people who think and behave like that. I personally wouldn’t think like that or date anyone who did.

I think it has to be a bit of both. I wouldn't expect either party to do all the chasing. It should be mutual surely.

Surely there's a middle ground, where you both make effort to see each other. Compromise, equality and mutual understanding.

I don't agree with the text in your picture. But I'd dump a guy that kept cancelling dates last minute, too.

When DH and I were dating I'd wake up to or receive a message from him every single morning. It was the first time I'd ever experienced someone asking questions about me so he could get to know me better. My previous relationship had been hit and miss. Sometimes messages, a lot of the time not (but then he was also sleeping around, so that was probably why) but never seemed to want to know about ME. And I'd be the one to make the arrangements every single time. And always on his terms.

The one thing I remember though about DH was that he cycled 40 mins round trip just to see me for 5 mins. Purely because I wasn't feeling too great that day and that was the only time he had spare.

Sexist bullshit but based on generations of ingrained misogyny so there are probably plenty of people who think and behave like that. I personally wouldn’t think like that or date anyone who did.

Completely agree.

I know a few women who did all the running and have long marriages to the men they pursued. It worked for them. I'd hate it. I prefer a balance but it can work if you don't mind being the pursuer.

'men are born to pursue women'

!

havign said that, a human being who is interested in another human being should be makign an effort to go after them, contact them etc. Both of you.

I think that with the right person there will be a momentum that propels it forwards where you both want to see eachother so there's no doubt or one sidedness.

I don't believe the "men naturally want to pursue" stuff but they do tend to be socialised to take the initiative in dating so unless he's particularly shy then it is likely that if he's not texting/arranging to see you then he's not that bothered.

Having done quite a bit of OLD, the men who were truly interested were just solidly there - no cancelled dates, long periods of no contact, no wanting all dates to be more convenient to them etc. They didn't necessarily text constantly but tended to be fairly standard in their pattern eg a couple of texts each evening.

I think if you both like each othet and there is chemistry then there is very little effort involved. It just flows.

Is that from "he's just not that into you?"

That books a bit 1950's for my liking, but I think both people (regardless of whether they're male or female) should be making pretty much equal effort in a relationship.

I think there is some truth in that but it works both ways.
Both parties should want to spend time with each other and seek each other out.

If either party can’t be bothered or makes no effort, then you know it’s not worth pursuing. They’re just not interested.

I agree with the previous replies.

Men who are 'persistent' etc often trample on the boundaries of Women. Women were once conditioned to accept this and see this as a good quality in a Man. It fitted in with the "Man in charge" "Head of the House" crap.

I've read a lot around abusive relationships and one pattern is choosing the Man who puts himself forward and doesn't give up (a bit like shades of Grey). The Women often made statements like "i only attract creeps/macho types", when actually, on reflection, they'd dismissed those that were respecting their boundaries and wanted an equal relationship.

Next time, staye your not happy. If a compromise can't be found end it sooner. If a promise is, made put a time limit on it.

Just to add, never believe those FB posts about relationships being hard and upsetting at times etc.

Get out if that's the case.

After a life time of being treated like shit by men, it was an absolute revelation when I met my husband. He pursued me relentlessly, texted, emailed, couldn’t see me often enough and was 100% reliable. I felt special and cherished. Reader, I married him and am still delighted I did 21 years later.

So, old fashioned though that passage might seem, I think it’s worth taking notice of.

I think that is sexist bulllshit from the 1959's!

You need a better book.

Well it’s irrelevant to assign sex to this (a bit sickening) information.

Because fundamentally if someone likes you (regardless of sex) they will txt you, call you, make an effort to see you.

If someone doesn’t reply to your messages or doesn’t value your time or hardly ever wants to see you.... you’re not important to them. It really is that simple.

If someone wants to talk to you they will. If someone wants to see you, they will. Minor exceptions obvs include if they get run over and lose their memory but otherwise everyone has 30 seconds to send a txt, even on the busiest of days!

What was refreshing about DH was that there was no games-playing, and he was honest about his feelings from the start. I agree with the paragraph but not as a man/woman thing.