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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel for the teacher in this situation?

31 replies

Breckenridged · 04/07/2019 20:57

DD had her swimming lesson this afternoon as she does every Thursday. She is in the big pool with a super teacher and lovely group of kids. At the same time, another lesson happens in the small pool. I always take the other DCs swimming at the same time so see what happens in both lessons. Most parents leave to use the gym/cafe.

In the small pool lesson, there are 2 kids who listen and do what the teacher asks and 2 who completely take the piss. Every week.
In the changing rooms after the lesson today, the Mums of the 2 piss takers were complaining because apparently the teacher had told them that next week they need to stay as she is going to ask the kids to leave the class if they won’t cooperate and their parents need to be there to remove them.

All the other parents seemed to think this was very U of the teacher and that she should be able to control the kids. I get that... but at the same time, she has 4 small children (aged 4-6?) who she has to teach and also keep safe (okay, there is a lifeguard, but still...) I can really see where the teacher is coming from - AIBU?

OP posts:

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 04/07/2019 21:02

Cheeky fuckers. They should be there watching their child and making sure they listen to respect the teacher. Not only because its basic manners and respect. Its also for safe guarding.
Heaven forbid but if something was to happen. We all know who'd get the blame, don't we

YouTheCat · 04/07/2019 21:02

Between 4 and 6, I'd expect a child to be able to listen in a small group for something like a swimming lesson, unless they have additional needs.

Too right the parents should be told to remove them. Why should the other two children be disadvantaged because of unruly kids?

Original poster

Breckenridged · 04/07/2019 21:07

Thank you, I thought I was going mad!

And yes - we do all know exactly who would get the blame and probably lose her job if one of them got hurt or worse.

OP posts:

EnchentButteler · 04/07/2019 21:18

Getting them to stay is clearly a good idea either way. Either they behave because mum's there or they don't and mum's there to get them out.

fedup21 · 04/07/2019 21:22

I would be embarrassed if that was my child and fully in support of the swimming instructor!

drspouse · 04/07/2019 21:26

My DS does have SEN and we had this; he wasn't dangerous in the water but would get out and mess around. It was partly the teacher (not really making sure he was listening as he needs to be checked on more than other DCs) but we didn't let him hang around doing that, and switched to the senior teacher after a few weeks of this. He's now doing much better with a firmer hand.

Howlovely · 04/07/2019 21:36

If your child can't listen and follow and respect safety rules then you absolutely need to stay to supervise and hoik them out if necessary. I'm not sure what these mums are cross about really, what on earth do they expect the teacher to do? They have to have eyes on all the children and cannot get distracted by two kids messing about, the consequences really could be disastrous. It's also not fair that the other children's lessons are being dominated by behaviour control rather than swimming skills. The mums may have been embarrassed so got a bit defensive maybe? They really ought to be cross with their children, not the teacher!

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 04/07/2019 21:40

Parents like this wind me the fuck up.

IncrediblySadToo · 04/07/2019 21:44

So did you say as much?

I’d have said ‘I’m just surprised she’s put up with it for this long,she shouldn’t have had to’

PumpkinPie2016 · 04/07/2019 21:46

I'm with you (and the teacher). It's not fair on the kids who at listening to have the lesson disrupted. It is also a safety issue of kids are messing/not listening in the pool.

If the child is unable to listen/follow instruction then they are not ready for group lessons.

The parents need to be taking responsibility for their children.

MitziK · 04/07/2019 21:52

DD2 got 'fired' by her martial arts tutor because she couldn't pay attention in a group. He said it very kindly, though, that he didn't think she was quite ready for the class yet. I agreed completely.

Drum2018 · 04/07/2019 21:52

She should have kicked them out of the class after a couple of lessons of messing. It's disruptive for the other kids and I'd be raging if my kids lesson was being taken up with the teacher having to deal with misbehaved kids. Hopefully she will follow through next week and send them out as soon as they start to take the piss.

Jaxhog · 04/07/2019 21:52

YANBU.

If the child is unable to listen/follow instruction then they are not ready for group lessons.

Original poster

Breckenridged · 04/07/2019 21:55

I didn’t speak up, I’m useless at that sort of thing!

I think they probably view it as childcare tbh and that’s why they got all huffy about it. But even the parents of the 2 well behaved kids seemed to be on their side which was what really threw me!

OP posts:

IDrinkFromTheKegOfGlory · 04/07/2019 22:02

They might have been agreeing just to go along with the two other mums but I bet they were celebrating inside!

Fundays12 · 04/07/2019 22:09

The instructor is right the parent needs to be monitoring her kids and taking them out if they don’t behave. My 7 year old has additional needs and needs a lot of support but still understands he will be removed from the pool if he doesn’t listen to the instructor.

YouWinAgain · 04/07/2019 22:12

YANBU, my 4 year old has SN and she has swimming lessons. She loves her lessons but she knows if she messes around or I hear of any misbehaviour from either the other parents or her teacher she will not be going again.

JustHavingASadDay · 04/07/2019 22:17

I doubt the parents of the well behaved kids truly agreed with them. It's irritating being the parent of the well behaved child whose enjoyment of/progress in an activity is being hindered by this sort of behaviour.

But, as a parents, when you watch the children behaving badly and then hear this sort of response from the parent, you learn quite quickly that it's easier to just nod and agree than it is to state your true position. They are the other parents of children in a swimming class - they probably don't feel it's worth getting involved if it already looks like the teacher is responding to it.

delilahbucket · 04/07/2019 22:22

The teacher was doing the right thing and I wish more had a backbone to rove children who don't want to learn. I had to remove ds from his swimming group due to one disruptive child taking all the teachers time. When I complained he said he was doing the dad a favour. This is an advanced swimming class, usually only attended by kids who want to be there. This one was walking his lengths and definitely did not want to be there, let alone have the capability to be there. His sister is in the same group and I can't understand how she made it to such a high level either 🙄.

Casmama · 04/07/2019 22:31

I have a four year old who messed about during swimming lessons. He really loves being in the water and would get carried away. It actually became a bit stressful for him as we spent so long warning him about his behaviour before the lesson that we decided it was better for everyone - him, us, the teacher and the other kids - to take him out of lessons for six months.
Some kids aren't ready for it and the parents should be supporting the teacher 100% not complaining.

Boysey45 · 04/07/2019 22:34

The teacher is right, you cant be too careful in water, if they cant behave then obviously the parent needs to be there or they are removed from the pool. A toddler drowned here last year in a public pool through lack of appropriate supervision. Safety has to come first.

Durgasarrow · 04/07/2019 22:36

That teacher is absolutely correct.

Tigger001 · 04/07/2019 22:48

Of course the teacher is correct, the parents should have to be bloomin poolside then to assist the teacher if their children can't take instruction.

Hecateh · 04/07/2019 22:52

YANBU
teacher is correct

If the class shrinks to only 2 children though the class may be pulled and the 2 well behaved ones have their class pulled - one reason why parents of well behaved kids may want to keep the others in

elliejjtiny · 04/07/2019 22:54

I'm with the teacher (and you). My ds2 can be like this, he has SN. Either me or his dad stay at activities with him just in case.

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