To ask if you really want to know if your child is good at their instrumental lessons?

[Feedbackshouldbehonest]

I’m not sure what to think about this situation so would appreciate your thoughts as parents.

I work as peripatetic instrumental tutor in schools. I’m really good at communicating with parents e.g if there’s a change of day for the lesson or if they need to get a book for their DC etc. (I’m trying to say I’m approachable and helpful!)

I’ll often let them know if their child has done really well in class or if there’s something in particular they should be working on.

It’s inevitable I often come across children who maybe aren’t suited to playing the instrument I teach. I think it’s important to be honest with parents (obviously in a tactful way), but it seems to either cause offence or fall on deaf ears!

I’m always diplomatic and try and be positive but it seems some parents just won’t accept that their child is maybe better at something else?

It costs a lot of money for music tuition (unless a parent is in receipt of free school meals in which case they are exempt).

Just baffles me, surely as parents you’d want to know the truth about whether your child was suited to what you’re paying for?

Lots if children learn an instrument for fun, relaxation or to enrich their lives. Not because they want to be a prof musician.

But you must know that.

In which case it doesn't matter if you think they're not 'good'.or suited. So Yabu.

I would want to know not to waste my money if he was completely useless. Are you sure you're telling them this info properly or are you just dropping many negative hints? Are you my child's piano teacher?

If the child is trying, does it matter if they’re any good or not as long as they’re enjoying it?
I think you would be totally ok to flag to parents if you feel child isn’t practising or if eg their attention is wandering, and you hope they really do want to continue the lessons. But I don’t think it’s on to say: your son really isn’t progressing and your money would be better spent on something else!

Unless it’s more: he’s so musical, but he’s just not getting to grips with the fingering for a stringed instrument. We can see how we go for another few months but sometimes violin doesn’t suit some children, have you thought about a wind instrument instead?

Oh of course I realise some children want to learn for fun, that’s great, but surely parents should be aware of that and not demand when they’re doing exams!

I just realised that AIBU is a place where everything is misconstrued and misunderstood!

Never mind 🤔

Yes, I would want to know. Two of my kids currently play musical instruments, and they suit them / they are progressing well. They’re both musical kids, but we’ve been through a few different instruments to get to the right ones, and the honesty of their teachers was helpful in this. Although I’m musical enough myself to have been able to tell that DS1 was killing that cello...😂

I am non musical, I definitely want my childs music teacher to tell me if they are any good, if they are trying hard, if they should be going for a grade exam, if they should be performing in assembly, setting up a group with friends etc. Because I have NO CLUE and I want them to enjoy it but not just drift along for £12 a week if they'd get just as much from going to the park for that half hour. Iyswim.

I'm also an instrumental teacher and some times you just can't continue with a student. For example if they still can't play anything after a year. I always tell the parents that it could be a whole manner of things, including not suiting my teaching style, but that I don't feel I can continue to take their money. I always give a few contact numbers of other teachers.

Actually my eldest didn't gel with his first piano teacher. Nothing wrong with her - she has a great reputation and I really liked her. However DS1 couldn't do anything with her. Change of teacher and he plays really really well. Just a character clash I think.

We had a piani teacher at school that always gave my child A1 in reports and write wonderful things. But after 3 years she was getting bored, fed up of practicing and no mention of grades etc. I think she just turned up and played with the kids which I didnt want to spend money on.

My kids do all sorts of clubs and activities, some they are good at and some not so much. As long as they are having fun, I'm happy.

I wouldn't really appreciate the teacher telling me they they're 'not suited' to an activity either. As long as they are trying their best and we are paying you every month, then what business is it of yours? My children can decide what activities they are enjoy/ are suited to themselves, thanks all the same.

The feedback comes mostly in the form of exams for us. Otherwise it’s just ‘he’s doing really well’

They do well at exams so that’s fine

But I also think music is worth it if you aren’t great

My dd really took off when she changed to a different instrument - it was the same teacher so we know it was the instrument. So maybe a polite ‘hmm, I’m not sure he’s totally found his preferred instrument yet’.

On the other hand, lots of mums I know got fed up with the ballet teacher dropping hints about their dc’s lack of talent/grace/poise/petiteness - they just wanted them to have fun doing a sport.

Yes I’d want to know. DS does guitar at £16 per lesson so if he was hopeless I’d rather spend that on something else.

I would want to know, especially if I thought my child was good enough to be taking exams.
I understand the fun element and agree it's fine to be a bit rubbish if you aren't expecting too much from yourself.
If there was little progression the child would likely give up through boredom anyway.