DH invited Elderly relative to stay during renovations!

[Palsof]

Hi, am I just being fussy or AIBU? DH invited his 80year old aunt to stay in our house and will not consider changing the invite to another time. Due to delays with builders, our extension which should have been finished by now, is now in mid-construction. Kitchen, dining room covered in dust and all the kitchen/dining room things are in piles in our sitting room. I am really mad because he is insisting she come for the weekend. AIBU or should I just shut up about it? Thanks!

YANBU. Can you contact her and explain and ask if she would prefer to postpone? She may well feel very uncomfortable with this.

What kind of person is she? Does she prefer order and calm or is she laid back and chill? I'd say it'll be fine as long as she knows she'll be in a construction zone

Contact her yourself asap and explain the issue. She will think your husband is an idiot.

How lovely, I assume he will be doing all the preparations and hosting?

Ring her tonight and say you are just checking her size for a hard hat....
Unless she wants to change dates she will have to wear one.....

You really shouldn't have to ring her but yes, that would be the nice thing to do for aunt.

If she insists on coming anyway, then you absolutely need to leave him to it and make plans for the weekend. She's not your aunt and you didn't invite her.

Will the builders be working over the weekend?

If I was a guest I'd be over the moon to postpone this visit. All of that dust, I'd be coughing for weeks. He's being daft.

I think I'd check into a hotel for the weekend. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I would get really anxious about this. Does she know you are in the middle of work being done. I would tell her and see if shes happy to leave it. Why does she have to come this weekend.

Why on earth would DH think that an 80 year old would be happy to spend her lovely family weekend surrounded by dust and tools and general building site chaos?! I wonder why he’s so insistent?

As PPs have said, give her a friendly call and explain what the house is like - tell her she’s welcome but also offer a couple of alternative weekends. I’d be very surprised if she still wanted to come during the works.

😂😂 nope! He has a great excuse, he works and I’m SAHM

Thanks! I’m glad I’m not the one being crazy here 😁 I’ll give her a call myself, I was reluctant to do that in case she thought was odd, hate her to think we’d had a row over her. She’s really lovely but she’d draw the line at dust in her tea 🤨 We could eat out that wouldn’t be too bad. Thanks 😊

What an idiot he is. If he insists then you should pack up and go visit one of your relatives for the weekend and leave him to make up her room, cook and entertain her and the kids.

Another vote for you going to stay with friends when she comes to visit. Allow him to spend quality time with his aunt.

Let's know what she says.

I've not advocated this before on MN but could you and her book into a nice hotel & have a couple of spa treatments and leave DH to do some cleaning and put together a meal for you all before she heads home?

Most 80 year olds aren’t into spa treatments! I bet staying in a building site’s her idea of hell, OP, she won’t mind at all.

I'd ring her and just say, you are very welcome to come, but I'm just letting you know the situation, so you'll do whatever she is happy with x

I got in touch with her myself. She was delighted to be able to kindly decline DH invitation when she heard about the building site. She’s going to spend some quality time with another relative instead so I’m happy and she’s happy but DH is only one miffed and not talking to me 🙄 Men😤 I think I might check into the hotel spa for the weekend thanks poster for suggesting that! 😊

Excellent result. Is your husband some kind of sadist that he wants to subject his aunt to a weekend in a building site? Or does he just not like her?

I bet the OP's DH is the sort of person who doesn't see mess where mess exists. Drops his clothes in a pile on the floor. Never throws things out. Doesn't care if you never hoover again.

Throws towels on the bathroom floor and can't understand why you're annoyed.

Never loads the dishwasher (or empties it) and would leave the sitting room in the kind of mess 12 teenagers can make in an hour, not tidied up. Would go to bed quite happily, leaving that mess to be found in the morning.

So he doesn't think that anyone else would be even mildly inconvenienced by a house turned upside down by builders for a few weeks.

What is wrong with your DH?!?!?

Your shit husband instead of stonewalling you, can arrange unpaid leave from work and cater for, entertain and feed and clean up for his elderly relative whilst also parenting his kid and running the house. That’s what he expects you to do, so it should be no bother to him at all it’ll be a pleasure. He can’t be tantrumming as a method to force you into doing these things for him surely, that’s disgustingly entitled.