To ghost a friend without explanation

[Jessy111]

I say friend, we haven't seen one another in a few years as she's moved further afield but we do chat regularly on Facebook and on the phone and she says I'm one of her closest friends.

I don't know how I didn't see the extent of if sooner but she's a very negative and self centered person, all she ever wants to talk about is herself and to slag people off.

It's like I'm a doormat she can offload all of her negativity onto.

I'm recovering from a nervous breakdown as a result of birth trauma and when she called me today it was just so she could rant about non events and use me as a sounding board to talk shit about a woman she knows, not once during the call did she ask how I'm doing or how my children are.

She's 12 weeks pregnant but the only talk she wants to hear about babies is that of her own. Ive got a 9 week old but there's no room for me to talk about me and my DC.

Not that I'd feel comfortable doing so after hearing how she talks about other peoples children.

WIBU to just block her and wash my hands of it without offering an explanation first or is that a bit cowardice?

We've known one another for years but she's such a spiteful person I can't be bothered with her anymore.

I would if I were you.

I ghosted one of my oldest friends a few years ago for very similar reasons. I’m not proud of it, but it was no kind of friendship & I don’t even think she particularly liked me, it was just good for her ego to have me around.
I thought about explaining to her how she made me feel but I realised that for me the friendship was irredeemably broken down & I didn’t want to enter into some kind of dialogue when I’d already made my decision. She has always been dominant in our relationship & I didn’t feel strong enough to argue my corner, I just wanted out.
I know it was a shitty thing to do, but I’d been treated pretty badly by her for years and it was the right thing for me.

I think ghosting is quite cruel tbh.

If one of my friends was suddenly uncontactable I’d be worried something had happened to them - I’d probably try different ways to get in touch with them, ask mutual friends etc and then eventually be embarrassed and hurt to realise they’d just cut me off.

So maybe send one message - along the lines of needing to focus on your own health and children at the moment, not having the time or energy to support her anymore, enjoyed her friendship but going to take a step back for now and will be blocking her. Best wishes for the future and then sign off and block her.

If you are brave and can tell her why that is the best thing.

Assuming you are not brave enough (I don't think I would be) i think the kindest thing is to "phase her out" so miss a few calls so that you aren't speaking to her as often then end the calls you do take after five minutes saying the baby needs you or whatever. Reply to messages less frequently and ignore some.

It has the same result but is less cruel and also because it's gradual she may barely even notice, you will have just gone your separate easy and lost touch.

• separate ways

The reason I wanted to take the easy way out was because the dynamic is very much like you described Crispyturtle

She's dominant loud and confrontations and I'm the polar opposite, much preferring a quiet life and I absolutely hate arguments.

If I were to tell her anything like what I've written here i'd soon be the one she's effing and blinding about.

The woman she was slagging off posted a really sweet happy birthday message to her profile the other month and 'friend' replied being equally as sweet, yet was talking about her on the phone as if she couldn't stand the poor woman and was reeling off all her business.

I feel like she's a dangerous person to be friends with, not in the sense of being in physical danger but she's so two faced and spiteful it's unreal.

Confrontational* sorry auto correct.

She was talking about the woman's mental health problems and saying she thinks she's milking it, I took that personally because of my own MH struggles.

It's like she doesn't care to be nice or considerate at all.

If she's dangerous, then you need to phase her out with very little drama. Google 'grey/gray rock method' to get advice about how to do this.

Just phase her out, you clearly don't like her.

some people deserve to be ghosted.
i say do it.

not once during the call did she ask how I'm doing or how my children are.

Then she's not a friend.

I wouldn't go cold turkey in ghosting as such, but just back off slowly. Don't reply to messages, be unable to answer the phone and let it die a natural death!

Treat people how you wish to be treated.

If you're happy to be ghosted yourself, then ghost away.

Or, act like a functioning adult and have a conversation.

She sounds really unpleasant so ghosting would really be like poking a hornets nest. I think actively phasing out is the way to go.

Ghosting is really pathetic, just stop answering her calls, she’ll get the message, there’s no need to be so dramatic, blocking etc totally unnecessary.

Yes I clearly don't like her anymore.

She says awful things about people for no good reason and that's including children, she doesn't give a toss about anybody but herself.

Phase out it is

It's probably kinder to ghost than to tell her what a horrible person she is!

If someone was thinking about ghosting me I'd want them to do it as I would hate the thought of someone feeling they had to be my friend but didnt like me

Ghosting is a shitty thing to do. Be the better person.

I can’t believe people honestly think it’s okay to do this to people. Would you blank someone in the street without telling them why? No? Then don’t do it online. Yes, it is cowardice.

@EC22 Ghosting is really pathetic, just stop answering her calls, she’ll get the message

Erm..... pretty sure that is ghosting?!

Ghosting is a horrible way to treat people. Gradually drift away and make contact shorter and leave longer between each one. Or be brave and explain that after your breakdown you find too frequent contact difficult and feel she is unkind and rude in her comments about other people.

EC22 I'm intrigued, what do you think ghosting means?

OP isn't suggesting she jumps out at friend wearing a sheet and shouts Boo, you know