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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To thi k there was no reason for DH to tell her the dog died?

24 replies

SpooSpoon · 04/07/2019 17:20

Puppy is 4 months old.

Bumped into breeder today who told us puppy's mum died unexpectedly of a seizure she was only 2.

I was speaking with friend who agreed there was absolutely no reason to tell DD10 this news.

Before I could discuss with DH he told her.

DD doesn't know the breeder. She has photos of puppy's mum though.

She's now sat crying asking if our pup will have seizures too and will he die at two?.

AIBU to think DH was in the wrong to tell her this??

As far as DD would know the dogs mum is happy and healthy and would never habe to know otherwise.

OP posts:

nauseous5000 · 04/07/2019 17:25

Worrying about death happening to people/animals you care about is a normal part of development and I don't agree in lying to children about it. Omitting the truth however might have been kinder. That said, aged ten id be inclined to be a bit more realistic

Nursejackie1 · 04/07/2019 17:26

I don’t see why he shouldn’t have told her. I think it’s dangerous to go out of your way to avoid the D word, it’s part of life and pets and animals are a good way for children to learn about it.

Saucery · 04/07/2019 17:27

Good opportunity to do some research with your DD about your puppy’s breed and reassure her that the seizure wasn’t linked to any genetic problems?

Original poster

SpooSpoon · 04/07/2019 17:29

Puppy is a mongrel.

I just don't see why he felt the need to tell her.

We've had plenty of pets die. She understands death. This wasn't an opportunity for learning. He just doesn't think.

OP posts:

mussolini9 · 04/07/2019 17:34

We've had plenty of pets die. She understands death

What's the problem then?

Original poster

SpooSpoon · 04/07/2019 17:36

The problem is she's now thinking our pup has some hereditary issue and isn't going to make it past 3. And she sat here sobbing looking at the picture of the puppy's mum.

She didn't have to be upset at all today.

She's had a shit enough time lately as it is without this.

He just doesn't think at all.

OP posts:

SoyDora · 04/07/2019 17:37

I’m not sure it would have occurred to me to keep it a secret. It’s just a piece of information that your DH passed on.

Sunshine93 · 04/07/2019 17:37

If you have had plenty of pets die then i agree with you no need to upset her unnecessarily. I would be annoyed at the lack of.empathy he showed there.

SoyDora · 04/07/2019 17:37

The problem is she's now thinking our pup has some hereditary issue and isn't going to make it past 3

But you can explain that this is very unlikely to be the case?

Waveysnail · 04/07/2019 17:38

I wouldnt have told her.

ThePinkCushion · 04/07/2019 17:39

Why is "the breeder" breeding mongrels?

AllFourOfThem · 04/07/2019 17:41

She’s 10 and you’ve had plenty of pets die? I can understand her concern then that the puppy will die but as she’s so used to death, I’d take it as an opportunity to go through different causes so she can understand the likelihood of anything hereditary affecting your dog. After all, if your puppy’s life expectancy is going to be lower then it’s kinder to be realistic and honest about this.

MatildaTheCat · 04/07/2019 17:42

Do you mean a cross breed, like a labradoodle? Surely nobody breeds mongrels. They own them, let the bitch get pregnant and then give them away?

Anyway YANBU, there was no need to mention this to a child. It simply serves no purpose.

Saucery · 04/07/2019 17:43

Well, it’s possible there is some genetic component. Depends on the mix of breeds as mongrels aren’t always hale and hearty. So you can’t definitely tell her it wasn’t something the pup could have inherited. Just that it’s probably no more likely than any other mongrel to have a health problem.

GabriellaMontez · 04/07/2019 17:44

No need to pass that info on. Yanbu.

Defenbaker · 04/07/2019 17:49

YANBU. He has caused your DD unnecessary worry about something you have no control over.

For a while your DD will have the spectre of death hanging over her when she looks at the puppy - something joyful has been tainted.

You can't shield children from death, but he was thoughtless. I'd be very annoyed.

MitziK · 04/07/2019 18:00

Depending upon the particular combination of breeds, it might be relevant to your puppy's health to get her checked out - and despite my usual opinion of BYBs and of breeding under 2 years old, I suppose that letting you know was better than keeping quiet about it.

It probably wasn't necessary to tell DD, but he has, so I'd think the way to get her feeling better is, as you should check with the vet anyway, take her along so she can see that either a) there isn't a huge risk or b) the puppy is being carefully looked after and can be treated if it falls ill, rather than what happened to the dam.

What mixture do you think is in the pup?

Original poster

SpooSpoon · 04/07/2019 18:22

She's had lots of pets die as we keep small animals (rodents) of which their lifespans range from 12 months to 3 years and are kept in groups.

I know the litter was accidental and mum had a csection and was spayed at the same time. She's not a breeder but I just used it as a descriptive word.

I believe it's information we. As adults should have, but at 10 you don't.

OP posts:

Snowy81 · 04/07/2019 18:35

I don’t see the problem with her knowing, I would have been honest with mine at that age. She’s old enough to be told and understand that sometimes these things just happen, like some humans get it, doesn’t mean because a parent has it that their children will definitely have it. Likewise was the seizure caused because of other factors? This is a good learning opportunity for your daughter.

mrsm43s · 04/07/2019 18:43

Tbh, a 10 year old should be able to manage that information sensibly. Different if she was 6 or 7.

That said, you in your situation, it probably wouldn't have occurred to me to tell her. I wouldn't have felt the need to "protect" a 10 year old from that information though.

Original poster

SpooSpoon · 04/07/2019 18:49

I wouldn't have protected her if it was necessary for her to know.

If it was our dog.

But it was a complete strangers dog that she never met and had no connect to in daily life so what was the point? Apart from worrying her?

OP posts:

FuriousVexation · 04/07/2019 19:15

I probably wouldn't have said anything.

Can you reassure DD that as a mixed breed dog, your pup is far less likely to suffer hereditary problems? (e.g. hip dysplasia in German Shepherds)

You could also research with her "things to do to keep pup as healthy as possible" - e.g. walking twice a day, learning which treats are okay and which are not, regular check ups and vaccinations at the vets, regular grooming so any problems with skin or coat are caught quickly and treated.

As a rodent owner myself, it's hard to get used to a lot of deaths, and she may have thought "this time, I'm going to get to love this dog for years and years without having to say goodbye!"

I would probably tell your DH that it really wasn't a good idea and next time think before he gives a child information she doesn't need, but I wouldn't make a massive deal of it.

Whathappenedtooursummer · 04/07/2019 19:18

We had to rehome some chickens 4 years ago. As far as dc know they are enjoying life in Hen Shangri-la!
Reality is they died the first summer.
Dc are happy as feel less crappy that we had to give them away...
Ignorance is bliss and your dh was a prize twat imo.

MitziK · 04/07/2019 19:45

So, is there a particular breed in there?

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