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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for advice on what people thinks best to do.in

6 replies

Harleyisme · 04/07/2019 14:24

Have a 5 year old in reception class of a mianstream school. He has sen no diagnosis awaiting panel for asd. He suffers very badly with anxiety. He striggles academicly, socailly and physically. So nearly every aspect of school he finds hard and stressful. Hes never properly settled at school.
The school haven't been to great in helping. They do interventions with him but this leadd into lots of work which is making the situation way worse. He comes home everyday with ay least 5 worksheets hes done and school often ask for things to be done at home which he refuses.
Hes been coming home extremely withdrawn very pale and getting worse as time goes on. He locks himself in the bathroom in a morning screaming i don't want to go i hate it. And when i do finally get him out the house he clings on to the school gates.

I am struggle at the moment as to whats the right thing to do is. Should i be makong him go? Hes been in school a year nearly now and its gotten worse not better as times gone on. I believe hes in the wrong school setting. School say they are posssibly thinking about getting the sen school to assess him next year school say things like that alot and nothing ever comes along.
Tomorrows school sports day which is going to be a nightmare as it will make things worse.

OP posts:
Harleyisme · 04/07/2019 14:54

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OP posts:
MrsSpenserGregson · 04/07/2019 15:03

OK my kids are older than yours (both at secondary). If I were in your shoes right now, this is what I'd do:

  1. I would not send him in to school tomorrow for sports day, I'd keep him at home
  1. I'd speak to the school about getting a SEN assessment. And ask for some extra support in the meantime. Depending on the reaction and action plan as a result of this meeting, I would decide whether or not to keep my child in this school
  1. I'd also speak to my GP / HV about getting a referral to a paediatrician or ed psych for a SEN assessment (sorry, it's been a few years since I've been through this, so I'm not sure how the process works these days)
  1. I would look at other schools - both mainstream and "special" - to see what the other options were
  1. I would consider home-schooling for a bit, to see if this improved the anxiety, and make a plan from there

But I definitely would not be sending him to school tomorrow, poor little soul needs a break and so do you!

Harleyisme · 04/07/2019 15:35

I have done all above. He has a sen support plan but failed to get a ehcp so legally school can still do as they please. I have requested more support for him in school which constantly gets promised and never happens. He has a pediatrcian who constantly says things arent her job. Like ot referal get school to do it. Shes see us takes notes does nothing. It was actually the pediatrician that was covering for her sick leave that put my ds forward for panel.
Ed physch assement was done last year in nursey which was no use at all she saw and assed him for 20 minutes school say they don't have the funds to do another ed phsych referal at the moment.
I have honesty fought everything i can to get it sorted. We have a support worker now as well who is mow speaking up at the fact ds is massively struggling amd unhappy. Am hoping they listen to her as they don't to me.
The only thing i haven't done yet is keep him off. I will though as he can't keep on like he is.

OP posts:
MrsSpenserGregson · 04/07/2019 15:42

Shit. It sounds appalling, and the people who are supposed to be helping you aren't helping you at all.

Can you go back to the GP and ask what to do next? Can they refer you to the OT? (Seeing an OT was life-changing for DS and for me).

Have you found out what would happen if you de-registered your child from school - would the paediatrician sort things out then if she didn't have the school to pass the buck on to?

It's a constant battle and it's so so tiring. if I were you I'd either re-post this the SEN boards on MN, or ask MNHQ to have it moved, as there is a wealth of amazing posters there who know all about this sort of thing and can give you more practical advice.

Harleyisme · 04/07/2019 16:11

I have managed to get school to do ot referal at last it only toom 6 months of pushing he's now on a 20 week waiting list. I think the onoy thing i have left is to not send him and complain to who ever i can to get things changed hes only 5 and shouldn't be suffering like this.

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JellyBaby666 · 04/07/2019 16:18

Have you spoken to the SENCO for the school?

Personally, I'd keep him off and make a complaint. www.gov.uk/complain-about-school/sen-complaints

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