Because I feel like a shitty, shitty parent tonight and I don’t know what to do.
She starts school in August. There is a lot of change afoot. I get that. She’s also (I suspect) jealous of her little sister (she’s two) and I get that too. I need to watch toddler DD like a hawk. She is one of those toddlers for whom you need eyes on the back of your head. And yeah that means when I have them on my own that the four year old can perhaps be left to her own devices more than I would like. I am trying hard to remedy this. Spend some time just me and her etc.
It’s hard though. She’s very moody just now. Does not listen to a word I say. Just does her own thing. I try consequences but I don’t really know what I am doing and the guilt is awful.
Example: She is generally allowed up to half an hour of tv after dinner before bath/bed routine. She flat out disobeyed me at tea time. Deliberately threw food she didn’t want onto the floor. I warned her if she continued to do this, she wouldn’t be able to watch her programme. She looked at me defiantly and did it anyway. So she lost her tv rights for the evening.
She howled. Sobbed. “I’m so sorry mummy I’m so sorry I won’t do it again” etc. I felt like a monster. I didn’t cave (because I really couldn’t) but it was just awful.
She’s also a dreadful, dreadful faff. It causes me no end of stress. I end up snapping at her. I need to be more patient but god it’s so hard trying to get out in the morning and she dithers for 45 mins over a bowl of rice crispies. And then I feel horrific for getting in at her.
Today sucked. I feel like I was on her case all day, culminating in her going to bed howling because I wouldn’t let her watch tv. I feel awful. I feel like she must hate me. I feel like I’m trying to do the right thing by her and getting nothing right.