What do you do when (FB related)

[Iamnotagoddess]

Having a bit of a crisis of confidence here.

Have Aunts and Uncles and cousins I have only met once due to complicated family situation (not related to a conflict). Everyone has always known we all existed.

Have no other cousins and don’t know who some of my grandparents are.

My mother is friends on FB with one of my cousins and she encouraged me to add her. So I sent a request and we have messaged over a few weeks, all quite friendly but she hasn’t accepted my request and now I feel like a bit of an idiot for sending it, after all she is a virtual stranger and we just share a grandparent. I’ve just never had a cousin and I didn’t know the grandparent very well either. We do actually have quite a lot in common and were (unknowingly) at the same event a few weeks back - but it’s clear she doesn’t really want to have a relationship with me

Do I cancel the request or just leave it and feel a bit crap about it.

Anyone

I would just leave it as it is. It’s a nice thing you’ve done to friend request her and maybe at some point they’ll be more contact.

Yeah - the grandparent never showed a lot of interest when I was a child (didn’t meet him until I was 12 and then saw him a handful of times which was hurtful tbh) and was always a bit fascinated but I guess the disinterest was shared

I’d be hurt too OP. I don’t use Facebook but is there anyway she could think she’d accepted when she hadn’t?
I would try not to take it personally. You’ve had a nice chat with her but maybe she has stuff going on and doesn’t feel she can add you at the moment.
Is she notified if you cancel the request? I’d be inclined to cancel it for not other reason than I think it’d make me feel better!

I'd leave it as it is. I have 353224 cousins and I'm friends with some of them on fb, not friends with others and I'm pretty sure some haven't accepted my friend request

Also, if she's friends with your mum there's no reason for her not to accept it. Could be a notifications error or she's forgotten or something like that

@amiapropermum

That kind of entirely misses the point of my post.

I have no cousins and hardly any family.

Extended family sorry.

Yes, sorry- I didn't make myself clear. I have actually just checked and two cousins haven't accepted my friend requests. I get that, to you, it feels like a very personal thing and you are anxious that she hasn't responded. To her, maybe she isn't on fb that much, or genuinely hasn't seen it, or just doesn't set much store by these things so it's not a big deal. I think fb can be one of those things where some people will feel it's quite personal and others really won't - perhaps she's one of the latter

Some people just aren't that into social media. Maybe she hasn't seen the notification.

I miss these things all the time because, although I use the messenger app, I don't really look much at Facebook itself. Your cousin is probably the same.

She might not have seen the notification. Sometimes I don't notice them, or I think I will look at them later and then forget. I´d just leave it there for now.

Maybe she thinks that by messaging she has? The fact you have been messaging is positive.

Yeah I think I am being a bit needy about it

It’s a complicated situation.

Yeah just sort of chatty about what’s going on in our lives etc, she is the same age as me.

There are a lot of gaps in my family on both of my parents sides and I guess it’s the need to want to fill those gaps.

Which she will be totally oblivious of 😂

Sometimes I get friend notifications and don't accept them straight away (usually if I am out and i've see it on my phone)
I then forget about it and because the notification goes away once i've seen it, I then don't notice it again until someone else sends a request.
I'm sure its nothing to worry about