AIBU to expect more from my husband?

[DIZZYTIGGER87]

Long story short, when I was pregnant hubby got ill and had 8 months off work waiting for an op and then recovering. During this time my pregnancy got a bit dicey and I ended up in hospital a couple of times and then had to work reduced hours so money we had saved for maternity leave ended up being used.
After I had our son, he was useless...I'd ask for help during paternity and be told he would be back at work so I needed to learn how to deal with it myself. He had had keyhole abdominal surgery 6 weeks before I had a csec.
After maternity I elected (after discussing with him) not to return to my previous job and instead worked a few shifts at a local pub while he would be home with our son. He still did nothing round the house (in ration I worked 1 hour to ever 4 he worked) or with our son unless pushed while I was present. I rolled over as it was easier to just do it then argue.
3 months ago he went self employed. It's not going very well and he's home as much as he's working (if not more) yet he still does very little. I have just taken on a part time job, alongside my pub job, and am now earning and working more than him.
He still expects all his meals, all the house stuff etc to be done by me.
Tonight I asked him to sort the bins so tomorrow it's easy to get everything out. He got arsey so I snapped to put down his fucking game on his phone and take 10 minutes to sort the bins while I get on with the laundry. Then maybe we could spend time together rather than him sitting on his arse while I kill myself to get stuff done as little one in bed.

He's now upstairs (after doing the bins) stripping while I am downstairs wondering if I'm wrong for forcing the issue? The logical part of me says I'm not and he's a lazy bastard that's got away with it for too long and doesn't like actually being told to do something, but emotionally I'm a wreck and wondering if I should go and apologise? I don't think it's unreasonable in apologise partnership to balance chores...I put up with a lot because he was the main breadwinner but now tables have turned he doesn't seem willing to pull his weight at all.

As much as my parents love him, both have expressed concern about his laziness and work ethic...have I just been enabling him?

You are not being unreasonable and he needs to pull his weight or you’ll resent him even more! I’m currently on maternity leave and still expect husband to do several chores around the house to help out. You deserve better.

If your husband is not very self motivated then self employment won't suit him. He needs to go back to work.

I'm not self motivated - I can rush around and get ready for work but if I was self employed I would procrastinate all day and get nothing done. Ask him to get applying for jobs.

He should step up for your kid/housework though. Sometimes a list of jobs is helpful as he can do them in his own time without feeling a demand is being made on him to do something right now. If you don't feel he is doing enough with your child you could encourage activities such as swimming or soft play as a regular routine some of the time your partner has your child.

It's probably frustrating for all of you if the boundaries of when your partner is supposed to be working or childcaring have become blurred.

He needs to learn to do his share. If that was me in your position I would stop cooking his meals and washing his clothes, etc. He'll soon get the idea .....

Good point @SunniDay. If he lacks the motivation to clean up after himself, he won’t have the motivation to be self employed. He needs to go back to work.

He also needs to pull his weight around the house, obviously. Stop cleaning up after him, be petty and only clean your own mess.

He’s a lazy prick! Tell him to sort himself out or you’re out of there.