To be concerned about my little girl

[Cantsleeppast3am]

I don't know if this is normal as she's my first but I'm concerned about her behaviour. She was 3 in April, seems very bright but my god, she's so naughty!
Won't do a single thing I tell her in fact she'll go out of her way to do the exact opposite, I can't let go of her hand for a second while out and about, wherever we are she is off supermarket, high street, wherever.

I just seem to see parents with children who behave and mine doesn't, I'm always getting funny looks.

She goes to nursery 2 full days a week, they can't speak highly enough of her, she's an absolute angel there.

Also if it's relevant I'm a single mother by choice, no father at all, we are massively supported by my parents although they never have her overnight, just an extra day a week.

Can anyone offer any advice or solidarity please!

Sounds very much like my 3 year old daughter. Now she’s getting closer to 4 she is slightly better in public but I try to stay away from shops etc. as it’s just asking for trouble. I really struggled with it.

Yes Jupiter, I think I'm going to try and do any errands when I'm not with her. Another case of picking your battles I think.

If the nursery have her two full days and haven't raised any concerns, then I'm afraid she is just being a little bugger. Draining, but normal.

My nearly three year old DS is the same. EXHAUSTING

I've got 4 all grown up. My first was an angel, I thought this parenting lark is a breeze, then I had the second and my God if he'd been the first he'd have been an only child, number 3 was again an angel baby and I don't need to tell you about number 4 do I. So roll on to the 2 year olds, number 1 was a monster, number 2 was a bigger monster, number 3 still an angel and number 4 a bigger monster than 1 and 2 put together.

As teenagers the two biggest monsters were no trouble, number1 was OK but number 3 was very very demanding, everything was a drama, I dreaded the phone going when they were at uni.

Now the are all grown up and butter wouldn't melt. My theory is they are all monsters at some stage, some at more than one stage and you are getting it out of the way now. It might all reverse when she's a teenager.

The big thing is it is a marathon not a sprint and it won't all be smooth but the good bits make up for it.

I have a threenager!! She is wonderful, independent, loving, a joy to be around...but oh my goodness is she hard work. So bloody contrary!! So single minded, so fiesty! So manipulative - she will throw her arms around me and cuddle me so tightly when she wants something (she spotted my weak spot a mile off), other times she will not acknowledge me. Three is so difficult, independence emerging - doesn’t quite understand consequences. I have no advice, just solidarity!

My threenager was an angel child until about 2 1/2 and has got harder work since. She can be an utter delight (mainly for other people) or a little madam (mainly for me) and it is hard work. The main thing is that she doesn’t listen. She could follow instructions at 1 and now seems to have selective deafness whereby unless I’ve said something at least 30 times she’ll ignore me until I explode. I like the idea from a PP of the 10 mins of control. I’m sure it’s all about asserting independence.

If it helps my four year old is easy in comparison, he understands consequences and boundaries. My three year old laughs in the face of consequences and sees them as something to be conquered!

As an example - both are generally really good near roads and will hold my hand, but on occasion, I swear to goodness that the three year old would throw herself under a car...just to spite me!

Threenager, closely followed by "oh, of course you know better, YOU'RE FOUR".

@drspouse I think that may be very true. My four year old has just learnt the meaning of ‘actually’ and it is quite draining!

Three yr olds 😬

You've got a mix of "who she is" and normal three yr old-ness.

Nothing to do with you being single etc etc etc.

You'll look back fondly on it, I promise!

She sounds just like my DD. She was as good as gold until she hit 3. She is 5 now and isn't much better 😂😭.

If she's good at nursery and wants to go home if you're doing something she doesn't like, I'd say you're doing a grand job. FWIW, if I see someone with a 'misbehaving ' child, I don't judge them; I hope their day gets better because it's shit. And it passes.

A very experienced teacher told me that the brightest children often make the more demanding and difficult toddlers. That's because their intelligent make them question things, analysis what they see, want to test the boundaries.

You said your DD was bright so maybe that's what it is. She's at an age when good behaviour hasn't yet been processed, you need to keep teaching her, over and over and over again and then when you think it is all a waste of time, she'll start exhibiting what you taught her.

To some extent I agree that 3 is a trying age, but also important how you deal with their behaviour. My 3 yo thinks it’s hilarious to leg it in car parks. Or mess about when walking on pavements too near the road. There have been a couple of times I’ve had to grab her, and get down to her level and shout at her to stop and listen. Mostly now the threat of me having to shout at her and the use of baby reins is enough to get her on side. Likewise with biting, she has bitten people since age 1, but now she knows it’s not acceptable I very much tell her off too.

But they are wilful and they want independence so you have to give it when you can, even if it means wearing ridiculous outfits etc.

My first DD16(she was my 4th DC and I'd become a single parent whilst I was pregnant with her)was definitely what you'd call high spirited!

She's more mellow now(Thank God)and she's turned out to be one of the most empathic people I know and she's fiercly protective of her siblings especally her DS11(my 5th DC) who is autistic and has some physical disabilities and of her DB17 who is autistic she's also incredibly smart and an amazing artist(and I can honestly promise I'm not one of those parents that thinks they're child is a genius or an Angel)it turns out.

She was so forward when it came to all of her milestones when she was younger and my HV constantly told me that my DD was frustrated because she wanted to be able to do everything so early on and she was so fiercely independent that she was just getting frustrated because she wanted to be able to do everything and she wanted to be able to do it herself and she was right!

I've learnt alot from being her Mum and we have an amazing relationship and although there were days I felt like I was pulling my hair out it got alot better as she got older and I wouldn't change her or the way she was for the world.

Hold on in there OP and fingers crossed the more she can start doing for herself that much easier it will become for both of you,oh and one thing that helped my DD alot was doing lots of physical activities,she took up dancing,cheerleading,gymnastics and cross country

Totally normal but it doesn't mean it should be just tolerated/pandered to all the time or a normal threenager won't necessarily graduate into a better behaved older child....!

I find it helps to a) balance boring/adult activities with things that child with enjoy & find stimulating, plenty of physical activity etc. Friends 3 year old is terribly behaved but it's because she expects him to spend his life accompanying her while she meets her friends.

I am also a big fan of "picking battles". Identify the really important rules/behaviours that you really need eg road safety, not running off in shops etc, not breaking/damaging things, hurting others & have some clear immediate consequences for those.

Think someone up thread mentioned giving independence where possible even if it means wacky outfits etc - definitely. The tutu is fine but needs leggings/cardigans/coats with it on a cold day

Totally normal. Testing boundaries to find out where they lie is what every child does. Pick your battles - eg let her wear the Elsa dress to the park but make sure she knows the limits. Extremely hard work I agree, but normal.

Mine keeps saying "no" as an automatic response to any question - do you want an ice cream "No, yes!" Always on the rainbow at school, pure defiance at home!

My daughter was like that. Now she’s a wonderful loving teenager, with a very strong mind. She’s confident and no-one messes with her, and I’m so glad she’s like that, it will stand her good stead in life.

I go by 4 Bs in parenting - bribery, blackmail, bargaining and boundaries, the 4th is probably the most important, and difficult! Your DD sounds perfectly normal though.

Being a single parent, by choice or otherwise, is not relevant. Also, often we imagine what other people are thinking and are completely wrong. If I see a young child misbehaving I’m not judging internally at all - I’m sending silent solidarity as I’ve been in their shoes!
All children have times when they test you, some as toddlers, some as preschoolers, some as preteens or teens...keep the rules that are regarding safety sacrosanct and talk, listen and cuddle whenever possible and they’ll get there.

Ha randoms, yes to the automatic no!
Mines even managed to combine yes and no into one word!

Absolutely a sign of intelligence.

I know, I was one like that 😀

Be grateful that she is good at nursery and isn’t the other way around.
Imagine having to say “but I have no trouble with her” and worrying what is happening when you are absent.

@Cantsleeppast3am "nnnyes" or "neyeah"...

I keep telling myself feisty is good, and planning errands when she's at nursery/preschool!