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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop talking to my mother

16 replies

Landofpassiveaggressiva · 03/07/2019 19:15

I’m in my late 20s and have constantly had a difficult relationship with my mother who is in her 40s. I was raised by my grandmother as she had me very young and although our relationship has always been civil and from the outside close, whenever I was difficult in my teenage years my mother would fly off the handle and blame me for ruining her life, causing her stress, and she was always resentful. She has always financially supported me and attended major events and she isn’t inherently a bad person. When I was 15 me and her partner had a huge fight and since then haven’t spoken, she said she would leave him but never did, we used to be civil. Fast forward to a few weeks ago I was in her house when me and him got into a fight as he threw my suitcase into the hallway while I was loading washing machine as it was “cluttering the floor”, he told me not to feed my baby in the kitchen as it distracted his dog, and a few other minor things which escalated into him threatening to punch my husband and telling us to fuck off out of the house which we did with our newborn. I haven’t been back and at the time mother said it was unacceptable and she would ask him to leave (her house). I feel that once again she’s chosen him over me and I can’t be bothered with the drama, I’m older with my own husband and kids. I don’t think she’s a nasty person I just don’t have the energy to keep being the mature person. AIBU to just walk away?

OP posts:
user87382294757 · 03/07/2019 19:31

I would definitely avoid both of them for the sake of you and your DC

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 03/07/2019 19:52

Absolutely walk away. However I would tell her that you will no longer see her but if she ever decided to leave her abusive husband your door would always be open. Just so she has an option.

I wouldn’t feel any guilt about it though. She doesn’t sound like she has been a great mum.

MyOpinionIsValid · 03/07/2019 19:55

How old was she when you were born?

Shootingstar1115 · 03/07/2019 20:00

Do you think your mother is scared of her partner herself?

Sounds horrible though. You have your husband and your baby so you don’t need them in your life.

Landofpassiveaggressiva · 03/07/2019 20:02

@MyOpinionIsValid she was 20 when I was born, one night stand baby 😂

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Landofpassiveaggressiva · 03/07/2019 20:04

@Shootingstar1115 I don’t think so, I think she is scared of being alone however and he is all she’s known. It makes me sad for her because she would be welcome in our house but the relationship is such a huge part of her identity

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MyOpinionIsValid · 03/07/2019 20:07

Is your nan still alive ?

browzingss · 03/07/2019 20:07

Honestly, she’s chosen him over you/your child so it’s time for you to take a step back in your relationship with her.

Singlenotsingle · 03/07/2019 20:09

Not sure why you and DH were there anyway? Have you not got your own home?

It sounds as though your DM might be scared of him. He sounds thoroughly unpleasant. Just stay away from him.

Landofpassiveaggressiva · 03/07/2019 20:10

@MyOpinionIsValid yep nan is still alive, she takes the approach that my mother has always tried her hardest with what she’s been dealt and since I’m in a happy relationship I should leave hers alone

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Landofpassiveaggressiva · 03/07/2019 20:11

@Singlenotsingle we went to visit for a weekend to take the newborn to see family, we live 3 hours away driving so wanted to stay over to avoid baby being in car for too long. Her house is the only house with spare bedrooms

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bridgetreilly · 03/07/2019 20:12

You definitely don't ever need to see him again or go to their house. I guess maybe if she wanted to meet you elsewhere you could consider it.

IABUQueen · 03/07/2019 20:13

Hard situation Op. I’m sorry Flowers

HJWT · 03/07/2019 20:14

@Landofpassiveaggressiva 20 isn't very young! I thought you was gonna say like 15 😂

Id stop speaking to her now tbh, if he's doing this in front of your kids then stay away xx

Nautiloid · 03/07/2019 20:16

Unless there's more to your relationship with her, I'd still see her but not at her house and not with him. If she's not happy with that, that's up to her.

Landofpassiveaggressiva · 03/07/2019 20:17

Thanks for all the responses everyone. I sort of knew it in myself but felt like a cold hearted bitch doing it. I’m just fed up and have such little time as it is so don’t wanna spend time in toxic awkward situations. Also do felt hurt that I’ve been overlooked once more! Thanks all

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