I only shout at one of my children.

[Fakenametodayhey]

I have 3 and two are almost always happy to do as they are told, my dd even helps me tidy up without being asked. Ds is 6 years old and I seem to be shouting at him every single day. I can say go get your shoes at least 20 times before he does it. Or hold my hand to cross a road. He just wont do it and it makes us late. He throws his bag or hat or anything if he doesnt want to move. And lies on the floor screaming.
He has started bolti g and im stuck with a pushchair and another child while trying to get him to come back. He wont listen and its put all of us in dangerous situations i.e. roads. Canals. Rivers. I dont know what to do.
I feel like im constantly shouting.

We live in a high rise and he tries to climb up. (Council dont care- we are saving for a house. About half way there for deposit)
He climbs on wardrobes, bookcases (tall ones) and everything else. I dont know what to do.

I asked him to stop banging because we have neighbours and now when he is upset with me he will 'try to get us kicked out by banging the neighbours wall/ ceiling)
He is six.
Very sporty but cant be at the park all day everyday. He is also much further ahead than most in his class (confirmed by teacher). He just has stopped respecting me.
To make it worse all his dad has to do is say 'do this' once and he is listened to.

I end up shouting every day and I dont even get results.

We are also consistant with time out and if i say no dessert after dinner i always follow through.

I havent got a chance. I thought it was our parenting but dd and dd2 are so good (4 and nearly 2)

I cant bare takimg them out on my own because it doesnt feel safe. Wibu putting the baby reigns back on a 6yo?

I'd put him on reins. Once he can show he'll listen, then he can take them off. If he refuses, then he stays inside. If he is allowed them off, then they stay off unless he misbehaves again.

If you are constantly shouting every day it isn't working. You need a different approach.

Are there any SEN concerns? How is he at school?

Might be a bit difficult on reins if he refuses to move! You can't drag him along the pavement.

Is he well behaved all day at school? I wouldn't compare him to the others, particularly the two year old. They are at such different stages.

Do they get pocket money? We do the pasta system and it helps

If you're only shouting at him he probably thinks you don't like him. Shouting is a vicious circle, I know. I've been guilty of it in the past.

I found with mine giving them responsibility worked much better. With DD I ended years of chasing her round the house in the mornings simply by placing her clothes in her room and putting the onus on her to be ready.

They chose their own bedtimes but a controlled choice of say 8 or 8.30pm (( made them feel grown up ))

Let him run ahead. But again, control it. Give him a target ie a lamp post. And tell him he has to count aloud to see how long it takes for you to catch up. Then give him another goal.

Both mine do have SN.........but these are tactics that work for most kids.

It sounds like he is acting up for your attention and because he is seen as the naughty one. I think if you stop assuming he will behave badly, praise him like crazy for every little good thing he does no matter how small, you can turn this around. He probably thinks you dont like him very much at all as you only shout at him.

I would set aside some time to spend with him, doing something he enjoys. During that time I would explain that you feel you have both got stuck behaving in ways that dont make either of you feel very good. I would tell him that you arent going to shout anymore, and that you know he can behave in a much better way. If he is listening to you, start the praise off with a big fuss over him listening so well. I bet he will love the praise. Go on from there, focusing on positive behaviour far far more than the negative. Ignore the negative as much as possible, praise like crazy the positive.

He is playing up to have some sort of connection with you, so you need to give him that in a different way. Give him your time and attention, really be present and I think you will see a huge change.

Get his dad on it. One of the things he needs to be saying constantly is "Respect your mother. Listen to your mother. Do what your mother tells you." If DS listens to his dad, then you know he is perfectly capable of listening to you, he's just choosing not to because he doesn't think it matters. Maybe he needs to do a daily check in with his dad to check, not just how his behaviour has been, but how well he has listened to and helped you. And, obviously, his dad needs to back all of that up in his own behaviour towards you.

With 2 younger siblings demanding more attention just because of their ages he is probably feeling like it's unfair. How often do you spend 1 to 1 time with him e.g. reading a bed time story and chatting about his day? Going for a Saturday morning to the park just you and him?

I agree with what Stormwhale said. It works. The book Divas and Dictators by Charlie Taylor is very good

Just to say I’m in the same boat! I have four, aged 15 girl, 10 boy, 10 girl (not twins just very close in age!) and 8 boy and I feel like I am CONSTANTLY shouting at him like a fish wife! He never listens, there is absolutely no reasoning with him. If he doesn’t want to do something there is no amount of cajoling, reasoning, bribing, telling off etc that will persuade him to do it. Like your ds he is very sporty and very very clever. He knows exactly how to manipulate a situation to get what he wants. For example we need to get in the car to arrive somewhere on time, he will not get in until I have to resort to giving him my phone to play on or sweets and even that only works for one task...like he’ll get a biscuit if he puts his shoes on but then there’s the battle of actually getting him out the door and again he’ll hold out as he knows eventually I’ll have to resort to bribing him again. It’s awful, such a vicious cycle and so unfair on the other kids. I have no advice I’m afraid, just wanted to say you’re not on your own!

Oh and I give him loads of one on one time, he can be such a sweetie but other times I’m literally almost in tears trying to get him to cooperate. I’m going to have a look at that book a pp suggested.

The other thing is I’m crippled with guilt over it all...I raised 3 lovely kids, how did I get it so wrong with my youngest?!