Friend always 'busy' then gets annoyed when I am busy when she decides to fit me in

[JennaJaney]

AIBU to just not bother with her anymore?

My post is as per the title really. Friend is someone who always claims to be 'busy', and won't reply to texts or messages for days on end, then decides sometimes that she can 'fit me in' and gets annoyed and moody when I say it doesn't work for me.

For example last week on Wednesday she sent me a text saying would I like to meet up for coffee this week. I replied saying yes, which day was she thinking of. I got no further reply, and have seen her twice on the school run this week when she's been chatting to others and has called out to me 'Sorry I haven't replied to your text yet, I've been too busy, I'll reply when I get a second'.

She eventually sent me another text this morning asking if I can meet her for an hour on Friday. I replied saying that I'm busy on Friday unfortunately. She read the message and then after a few hours just sent an 'OK' back, very curtly and it was clear that she wasn't happy that I wouldn't fit in with her.

She seems to be one of those that claims to be busy all the time yet has plenty of time to chat to others to do other things. I seem to be the only person she has to slot in as things are so hectic for her.

AIBU to just ditch her?

Not really a friend, is she?

Yes ditch her. LIfe's too short. No drama, but be permanently busy but friendly

She's a dick. Don't bother.

Thanks everyone!

Weirdly when I met her a few months ago she was desperate to be friends with me and kept texting me and wanting to meet up with me then just went all busy and weird.

Oh well, plenty of other friends to spend time with!

Do you say 'busy Friday' or 'Busy Friday, how about...'? If it's the former I can partly see why she gets the hump, but even so she sounds like hard work & I'd not be rushing to suggest further meet ups.

When she sent me the text she said that she has been so busy this week and it's been hectic but she can squeeze me in for an hour on Friday. I replied along the lines of my week has been so busy too that I won't be able to make it on friday but can perhaps see her next week.

Basically I replied in the same 'tone' of her text to me!

Why can you partly see why she gets the hump, Friar? Do you not think her behaviour of always being busy and not replying to me is quite rude?

It’s rude of her to not reply and I can understand you getting frustrated that it’s so difficult to find time to meet up. But I think YABU to assume her “tone” was curt, you can’t get tone on a text message. Also, you’re not a mind reader so you don’t know that she is unhappy with you.

Just offer to find another time that’s suitable for the both of you, even if it’s a few weeks away. Or don’t bother, it depends if you want to continue the friendship.

It's curt compared to the tone of her usual messages. She's always curt in her replies when I can't fit in with her little gap to meet up with me. Or she reads my text and doesn't reply.

I don't think I'll bother suggesting any further meets ups with her; I do find her hard work, and I hate it when people claim to be permanently busy. And like I said, she seems to have plenty of time to see other friends or to stand chatting to others, so it's clearly me that's the issue.

Also I find it a bit weird/controlling how she sends me messages asking me to meet her and then doesn't reply when I reply to her, as if she wants to make out to others (in the case of saying in front of others that she's been too busy to reply to me) that she's in demand.

I had a friend like that. Always too busy to arrange things, or cancelling at the last minute, when it came to me, but then talking about where she had been with others. I guessed in the end I wasn't much of a priority, and that was fair enough.

She was quite shocked though when I didn't invite her to my wedding.

I think you've done the right thing though, setting the tone for what you're prepared to accept.

It's a power and ego trip. She's not worth the irritation.

It sounds like she’s allowed to be busy but you’re not. And she probably does get a weird kick out of shouting to you in front of others. People can be so weird!

You’ve offered next week, but with no set day or time I’d just leave it now she can come to you.

Do you have a lovely time together when you do meet? It doesn’t really sound worth the effort otherwise.

I'd say she's waiting to hear back from higher-priority friends.

The delay is her waiting for their reply, and the annoyance is because if you say no as well then she ends up having coffee with NO-ONE on Friday which isn't what she wants.

She's always busy becauses she's trying to keep at maximum busy, quite possibly because she likes for herself and others to think of her as "the woman who is just so popular".

Hang in a sec, just to be clear, it’s not rude not to respond right away!
I regularly have my phone off to give myself breaks. I’m not being rude, I just don’t always respond immediately.
OP - to be fair, it sounds like no love lost. No a biggie, but just one of those things where you’d both be happier not dancing around a meet-up arrangement.

I also have acquaintances like this, and we both don’t actually want to see each other. Just have fallen into a trap of thinking we ‘should’ meet-up.

So, she texted me and asked me to meet up, I replied and then she didn't reply for a week but managed to tell me on school run that she's been too busy to reply?! Of course it's rude of her! She clearly wasn't turning her phone off and having a break!

Why can you partly see why she gets the hump, Friar? Do you not think her behaviour of always being busy and not replying to me is quite rude?
Yes I do think her always being busy & not replying is rude - not 'quite' rude, just plain out and out rude. For that alone I'd be taking a step back. I only said that I could partly see (as in 'make a case for but not giving it much credibility') why she might get the hump if you said 'I'm busy Friday' without suggesting an alternative (which obviously isn't the case) because it could (but not necessarily) sound like you were rejecting her just because she'd been unable to make your original suggestion or because she'd been so slow getting back to you. She might have thought you were being arsey with her (and to be fair you'd be justified if you were!). But as it is you've suggested an alternative and she's been a stroppy mare so walk away. Let her make any future attempts.