Fake name because it would be so obvious who it is.
Moved to a new area, haven't seen inlaws in a few years because they were horrible and 'borrowed' money and bits and bobs. Never paid back or gave stuff back. They tried to break us up and used to say weird things to my children about me.
Dh didnt see it. Didnt believe it and it caused problems.
Anyway last straw was when i confronted mil for actively stealing from us. We were checkong our bank statememts and discovered that she had made a note of our bank details when visiting (from bank statements left in drawers not on the side) and she tried to hit me and my poor dh had to literally drag her out of the house kicking and screaming. All of this infront of our 2 dcs.
We have had no contact since then. The cost to us was in the thousands and we never got any of the money back. This was over a few months.
We had no idea why we seemed to be losing money but just thought we were overspending.
I have seen her and the family a few times and the first time she came over to me and the kids (2yo and baby in sling) and said 'uh sorry' and i said 'what' (i was terified and on a bus so she was leaning over my 2yo and blocking our exit. She is very big and im petit and had lost loads of weight due to being ill during pregnancy aswell so i was scared as fuck! And holding baby) and she started screaming at me - in 2yo face and my face. And babies face! I was shaking and so were my poor babies.
The next time i saw sils and mil (withthe baby in a pram this time and 2yo holding on to my hand they followed me and the kids about 2 streets down before racing infront and blocking my pram and threatening to beat me up. In broad daylight. Again shouting in all of our faces.
Luckily it was only shouting for about 15 mins (i know because my bus went past that was 10 mins to wait for) and then they walked off throwing theor fingers around. I was obviously stuck. Couldnt get the pram away from all of them blocking me. The kids were crying scared and confused and i didnt go shopping on my own or anywhere really for a while after because i genuinely feared for our safety.
Now its been a few years and my dh (who didnt witness any of this and thinks i was exagerating- 2yo obviously couldnt back me up) wants to engage with them again.
He said be doesnt care about the money anymore (but it was my money aswell so i think i get a say) and he basically misses his family. Which is fair enough.
All of the problems were with me. I was the one they threatened and tried to assult. I was the one to scpur through all of our receipts and try to match up all of our spending with our bank statements and call the banks and companies involved (ebay/amaxon etc) and try to get some refunds. I think we got 2 or 3 vouchers for our loss. Thanks ebay.
He lost his family but they betrayed him. It is in a way my fault- he didnt want to co front the theft and just pretend it didnt happen. I wanted our money back.
He doesnt blame me outloud, and our relationship has soared without the inlaws i volvement . Noone is trying to split us up anymore so magically all of our marital problems disappeared with his family.
I am in 2 minds.
On one hand I never want theives coming into my home again. Especially theives who threaten me and try to hurt me.
On the other hand i can see how lonely he is at christmas and birthdays. He has noone but my family to share these times with and when he gets drunk he opens up about missing them. This lead to a phone call and a promise of seeong them soon.
I dont know what to do.
There is a 3rd dimension. My dad has recently been diagnosed with early onset dementia and the last 2 years have been like having an evil demon for a dad. His behaviour was disgusting and even though i did lower contact with the children and myself and dh obviously, i never completely cut contact.
He has thrown a few fits before we could get him some help and could have hurt us by throwung glasses or lamps amd he has threatemed me.
Because of his age we didnt even consider dementia and now he has been diagnosed and has medical help he is alot easier to deal with.
Dh uses the fact i didnt cut contact completely with him before we knew it was a medical issue as a reason to dismiss my feelings towards his family. 'But you still see your dad so i should see my mum' kind of thing.
But my younger sibling lives with my dad- if she didnt i probably would have cut contact but i didnt want to abondon her with his abusive behaviour.
Its all very confusing and sorry that its so long but i need help. What do i do? How do i handle inlaws.
We also have another baby that mil hasnt even met. And eldest (2yo last time she saw him in the street) remembers 'nanny hurting mummy and shouting at us'
We have asked him if he would like to see her again and he said no. Daddy asked what if she said sorry and he said 'yes but only to tell her to give us our money back'
He knew about the money from their threats and shouting not from me brainwashing him against her. Which is what some members of the family have insinuated.
I dont know what to do.
They might have changed. In the last year i have seen them and extemded family about 5 or 6 times and they just ignore us now.