MIL issues as usual

[ejs26]

My baby is 9 weeks old and I’m finding it hard to cope with my mother in law who seems to be going out of her way to ignore what I say. Every time our son is around her she immediately wants to wrap him in blankets regardless of how hot it is and what he’s already wearing. I later find him in too many layers and sweating. Recently he was left in a vest, baby grow, jacket zipped up with a hood, and wrapped in a blanket in front of a bloody open fire!!! Its summer, 24 degrees & far too hot to be in so many layers. I took his clothes off to change him as he’d soaked them through with sweat and she argues with me that he is not overheating, sweating isn’t bad for him, and that she knows better than me since she’s raised four kids herself. I’ve tried explaining my concerns and the dangers of overheating/link to SIDS but she just responds with “my kids were fine”. I have noticed when he is so hot he is very sleepy and hard to wake, which terrifies me. Now the other day the same thing happened, I leave the room for 30 mins to find he was wrapped in a fleece blanket and I can see his hair dripping with sweat so I straight away unwrapped him. MIL laughs at me and says how she knows I don’t like him being wrapped up but she does it anyway because she did it with her kids!!! Deliberately going out of her way to prove she knows better than me as soon as my back is turned. My partner tells her that we always welcome her advice, but we do get the final say and she will have to do what we ask. This has since turned in to a big argument with MIL saying she wont see our baby if we don’t trust her alone with him, and that she is hurt that her son is no longer taking his mum's side (he's a grown man for Christ's sake!!!) and is upset that he's agreeing with me over her. It’s not only manipulative to make him feel like he has to pick between us, it will eventually drive him away from her and I feel awful for him that she's being so unreasonable with him. I’m now too scared to leave my son with her, but thankfully my partner agrees with me 100%. I am not an argumentative person but felt like I had to stand my ground on this one as the safety of my son is a thousand times more important than her pride. I feel like being a new mother is hard enough without being completely disrespected and laughed at. Cant tell if I'm being too dramatic about not wanting to leave him with her, I feel like I'm right but she's got this weird way of making you feel guilty when you've done nothing wrong. Help 😂

@BuddleiasEverywhere don't live with her, was just out of the room to give someone a hand upstairs. Didn't leave blankets lying around but she dug one out from somewhere! Can't turn my back for a minute, definitely learnt my lesson now.

I cant believe you still have this women near your baby. I wouldn’t ever leave her with your baby and I would only visit her fir shirt periods ir meet in a park. I wouldn’t have her in your home ever.

I echo the others - I wouldn't leave my baby alone with her for one second.

Is she mad? Or very very stupid? The mind boggles.

How about a very blunt "HE IS NOT YOUR FUCKING CHILD - HE'S OURS AND WE CALL THE SHOTS?"

⬆️This, this says everything you need to say.

Stand your ground, you know best, don’t let mil bully you. You need to protect your baby, if that means mil falls out with you, so be it.

As a mum of children who had fever fits when babies- toddlers this sends shivers down my spine. A hot sweaty baby for us was panic stations for immediate strip off and cool baths. First was worst as didn’t know what was happening and couldn’t get baby to stop fitting while waiting for ambulance, very scary. I wouldn’t leave MIL alone for a moment!

Wrapped up, presumably in flammable items by an open fire.

Why why why would any sane person do this, she sounds utterly demented like she's torturing the child?

Who would wrap a tiny hot baby up, hot already in heat and put it by a fire then laugh etc.

Never never never op.

Wtf! Why leave your baby alone with this lunatic?! Tell her to fuck right off to the far side of fuck!

Get your health visitor round and get her/him to lay down the law along with never allowing her alone time.

She is not your child's mother

The "three dos" apply

Do you love your grandchild?
Do you want a relationship with your grandchild?
Do as you're fucking told then.

I have noticed when he is so hot he is very sleepy and hard to wake, which terrifies me.

My heart started to beat faster when I read this. Things could have ended tragically for your little boy here.

Stand your ground and never leave them alone together again.

I wonder what time of year her children were born? If none of them were newborns in the summer then you could ask that question quite pointedly if you ever have to speak to her about this again.

You MIL is a mad woman. To those saying tell her about what the baby experts teach now; when was there ever a time when good parenting practice including wrapping a baby up in so many layers that it was sweating profusely and basically unconscious? Keep you precious baby away from her, she obviously doesn't respect your wishes and is a danger to your little one.

I was told they cry if too cold. They don’t when too hot ...this scared me enough to keep
Mine cool

I wouldn’t be leaving the baby alone with her at all if this is what she is like.

Not only is that incredibly dangerous to do to a newborn it’s the fact that she doesn’t care about your wishes because she thinks she knows better. Nip this in the bud now even if it causes issues or you will have more problems down the line when she decides she wants to wean your child at 3 months because that’s what she did with her kids. She needs to know that she doesn’t get to call the shots with your child.

I could have written your post when my son was born. Eventually the only thing that worked was taking him to the HV with her, under the premise of getting him weighed, then asking the HV whether it was better that he was a little overwarm than not. Her very blunt response:

“Cold babies cry, hot babies die.”

appeared to put my MIL on her back foot and she didn’t insist on wrapping him up any more after that.

Times have changed, when your mil was bringing up her children she might not have had CH, and was taught babies needed to be kept warm. She needs to be educated urgently, and totally overstepped the boundaries. That was terrifying for you. Of course babies need to be kept cool. Madness to have a fire on.

I’d laugh at her threat not to see him. Cool - fill your boots.

I feel for you OP.

My XMil knew best, too, it is infuriating.

I'd be furious. I'm very un-paranoid about most baby things, but I always took the attitude that potentially too cold will never be dangerous in a heated British house or on a warm day - at worst they'll be a bit chilly and cry and you then address that. But overheating is potentially fatal to a tiny baby, so I always erred on the side of less warm in warm weather! I think some older people (though I know she may not be that old) grew up with the ideas that babies always ought to be wrapped up warm and to worry about the fictional idea of 'catching a chill'.

I think you need to be clear that being not as warm as he'd like won't kill him - being overheated could, and she is never to add extra layers to him.

Your baby your rules.
If She can't follow them that's bad enough but she's going further then that and is willingly putting baby in harm by deliberately not listening because she supper mum apparently.
You don't want her left alone with baby so tell her that and tell her why.

My MIL was all About the power struggle with me when I had my first.
Just pick up Baby and take him with you when you have to leave room. Don't make excuses just tell her she puts your baby at risk with her unacceptable behaviour (Which she does) and that isn't acceptable.