Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Regarding paying for school residential trips

39 replies

HotChocolateLover · 03/07/2019 06:53

Firstly, i’m Both a PWC and a step-mother and will not be saying which child this relates to so I can get an unbiased opinion. Child wishes to go on a residential trip costing £400. Does the CMS payment include residential trips or is this an optional extra that the NRP can say no to funding? Have looked online and all it says is maintenance is for general day to day costs of the child.

OP posts:

Snappedandfarted2019 · 03/07/2019 07:49

Why wouldn't youre dh contribute to his childs residential trip regardless of going away with family. Going away from parents with the school and friend is how they make memories and build confidence.

To put in perspective my ex and I both paid 90 pounds each for DS challenge week, he goes to senior school Sept and the uniform are sky high we have to get them from the providers the school have stated, ex is also paying half the costs of them because tbh the month maintenance wouldn't even cover it nm feeding him and housing him previously at primary school uniforms we got our own were considerably cheaper. Ex and I also swap weeks for dinner money. What you got to separate especially when you said you will be glad when the cm days are over it's for the benefit of the child not the mother so do keep that in mind, not to mention you're dh might want to help there child with their studies in the future so it doesnt necessarily stop once they hit a certain age.

Snappedandfarted2019 · 03/07/2019 07:51

Just realised you're the mum in the situation you can ask but it's not enforceable.

Pinkwink · 03/07/2019 07:52

CMS doesn’t cover everything at all, the decent thing to do is pay half towards trips too. Try telling my ex that though...

Original poster

HotChocolateLover · 03/07/2019 07:57

@Snappedandfarted2019 What I meant when I was glad the CM days are over relate a lot to my son. Ie no more chasing his dad, I can just forget it and move on. Admittedly I can do that now but i’m A stubborn cow and won’t give up on £3k in arrears. When all the kids are older, it will be so nice to just transfer money into their personal accounts for spends and not to have to deal with the ex (in the case of the step kids)

OP posts:

ScotsinOz · 03/07/2019 08:03

Child support is the non-resident parents contribution to the child’s basic everyday costs (food, clothing, gas, elec, housing, basic schooling etc) and is not intended as an amount to pay for all, as the parent the child lives with is also expected to pay these costs too. The resident parent will most likely receive child benefit/tax credits etc for the child to also help with costs.

You can have an agreement that the non-resident parent pay more, but they are not legally obliged to. School trips, sports, activities etc are outside of the CMS amount and as this is not a compulsory trip, neither parent is forced to pay for it. You can ask the other parent, but he can say no. Your child can ask to go on this trip, but you can also say no too.

It’s also not about being “decent” or “doing the right thing” to pay extra. Sometimes people generally cannot afford extra things. This is why some children (whether their parents are separated or not) do lots of sports/activities and some don’t.

TanMateix · 03/07/2019 08:09

I would pay the £200 myself just to save my self the hassle, anger, frustration and fear of what will come with me trying to get him to help with the extra school activity.

Having said that, I would say that over the minimum amount specified as CM you have no rights to ask for more, anything above that is unfortunately “voluntary”.

With regards to his trip, don’t judge him just yet. He may be in a panic trying to recover the money he paid for the holiday before they start to miss his salary at home dearly.

TheInvestigator · 03/07/2019 08:17

I don't understand all the people saying that it is 50/50.

Legally, he is only required to pay CMS. That's it. He isn't requires to pay for anything else. Just CMS and then he needs to provide food etc when the child stays with him. All other costs are legally the resident parents.

Morally, he should pay for half of these things. It's unfair that the resident parent is stuck with all the extra costs. But you can't make him, nobody will help you get that payment from him, there is no system in place to force him.

If he isn't even actually paying through CMS then you risk losing all money he offers. It sounds like CMS have messed up and don't have any salary details of his so what he pays you is voluntary anyway. You can ask, but he isn't obligated and yes, he may stop paying altogether.

Proseccoinamug · 03/07/2019 08:18

I just paid it. Ex h wouldn’t or couldn’t cough up so if I hadn’t, they wouldn’t have gone.

I wouldn’t hold your breath for a voluntary contribution from s guy who owes maintenance arrears. It’s shit but that’s how it is.

NailsNeedDoing · 03/07/2019 08:20

In general, id say it depends on how much the maintenance is on whether the nor should be expected to pay more. Some peoples cms calculation is huge.

When you only receive a basic amount, half each is fair, but in your case, if the ex has lost his job and doesn't have the money then it's really about whether the £200 is worth the stress. If he doesn't have it to give, you're probably better off just paying for it yourself.

Original poster

HotChocolateLover · 03/07/2019 08:20

I’m trying to justify it in my head (just so I don’t feel so resentful lol) I have the enjoyment of our son 6/7 of the time. In fact, my ex hasn’t even seen DS for 6 weeks that’s how unbothered he is. Maybe I need to just accept that as I have him 6/7 of the time, I have to pay more. It took two to tango though.....

OP posts:

thedevondumpling · 03/07/2019 08:37

I think for something that isn't essential you should discuss it before the commitment is made. If you agreed to the trip without consulting ex then I think it is down to you. I don''t think it is fair to just decide how other people will spend their money. If you discussed it and both agreed to the trip then he should pay up.

ReanimatedSGB · 03/07/2019 08:52

I think you'll just have to suck it up and count the days till you're free of having to have anything to do with your douchebag ex. He should be paying half, but he won't, and trying to make him will just make life stressful.

Soontobe60 · 03/07/2019 17:47

My DD wanted to go on a school trip abroad which would have cost about £800 15 years ago. I had absolutely no spare money, so when she asked if she could go I told her dad I could not afford to pay half plus have a cheap family holiday that year. He actually then paid for the whole trip and I gave her some spending money when she went. No resentment, no hassle.

buckeejit · 03/07/2019 20:43

The trip isn't necessary. We couldn't afford for ds to go on a trip like that. You could ask for money but it sounds like your ex isn't able or willing to pay more? I'd maybe just say 'ds wants to go on x trip-do you think it's a good idea & are you in a position to contribute?'

That should put it out there without being arsey

Flip

1 2