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AIBU?

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Not sure how to move on

3 replies

Iwasatglastothisyear · 02/07/2019 23:47

Evening all.
I wasn’t sure where to post so apologise if this is in the wrong place but I was hoping for some advice.
I’ve been in a small chat group for about 18 months, which was started as we all shared similar views on something that was topical at the time. There were 6 women and one man. Over time we talked about all sorts and became (what I considered) to be a good support to each other. Friends if you like.
Then things started getting a bit strange and the male in the group got shitty about something and left but there were things that didn’t add up. Little things at first but I couldn’t let it drop so did some digging.
Turns out that the man in the group was actually a female and everything that was said was a pack of lies. The wife, the job, family, the pets we’d discussed. All of it.
It would’ve made no difference if they were male or female, I’m sure we’d have all got along the same but I’m struggling with the dishonesty of the whole situation.
I’ve tried to move on from it but I just can’t. I can’t explain how I feel apart from hurt as out of all of the group, I had the best “friendship” with him.
My partner keeps telling me to just forget about it but I can’t. We were such a close group and talked all the time. Frequent little comments day and night and I have no idea how to move on.
It sounds stupid as I tell my children that they shouldn’t trust anyone online but we’d all shared photos, some of us talked on the phone and it all seemed so genuine. I feel betrayed.

Please don’t tell me I’m being stupid and that this wasn’t a real friend because after 18 months, it felt like this person was.

OP posts:
StillCoughingandLaughing · 02/07/2019 23:51

You’re not being stupid - but this person wasn’t a real friend. That doesn’t mean you were wrong to think (s)he was. Lying like that within a friendship group is bizarre, and I completely get why you feel let down.

In terms of putting it behind you, how would you deal with a falling out with a friend (without any of the fake identity issues)?

Iwasatglastothisyear · 03/07/2019 00:01

I tried talking to her/him with separate messages (I’m so confused about what to even call them now!) but got no response and they then messaged everyone else in the group and told them I was a lunatic (their words) and was making up wild stories about them being female.
The group have seen this person is a woman so there’s not an issue with them.
I just can’t seem to move on from the fact I trusted this person so much.

OP posts:
Bluerussian · 03/07/2019 05:47

I can understand how you feel that you were seriously misled but, honestly, this person was not your friend. You never met them, you didn't know them. You have to sit down and break bread with someone, several times, to really know them. On internet chat groups, anyone can say anything, even to the point of creating a new persona, inventing a family, being of a different sex, whatever they choose.

Please try to remember that an internet 'friend' is not a real one. If you can take that on board, you'll get over it.

Flowers
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