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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I tell this mum?

23 replies

The2Ateam · 02/07/2019 22:33

DD nearly 12 has just got her first phone - so far, so good.

I spot check it sometimes and today saw that a girl in her year (6) she is friendly with, has texted her a topless photograph of herself.

I will speak to my DD about sending ‘nudes’ and internet safety, something we do a lot.

AIBU or over reacting if I inform the other child’s mother? I don’t really know her well.

Thanks.

OP posts:

Stressedout10 · 02/07/2019 22:36

I'd want to know.
That sort of thing can get massively out of control very quickly

DickZillaofTheVilla · 02/07/2019 22:36

I would definitely tell her. That’s very serious and worrying

mabelmylove · 02/07/2019 22:37

Why has she sent it?! Surely two 11 year old girls aren’t sexting?!

Original poster

The2Ateam · 02/07/2019 22:37

Thanks. Yes, I am worried she may have sent it to others.

OP posts:

Original poster

The2Ateam · 02/07/2019 22:39

mabelmylove I have no idea why she would send it. I didn’t see anything which made me think they were sexting.

She is not very well behaved if I have to be honest - my daughter is no way perfect.

OP posts:

orangesandlemon · 02/07/2019 22:40

Contain it now. She's year 6. A child. Safeguarding issue- child pornography

ghostyslovesheets · 02/07/2019 22:40

Inform the school

LauderSyme · 02/07/2019 22:41

It definitely needs to be addressed, but if it were me I would tell the Safeguarding Lead at their school rather than her mum.

rose789 · 02/07/2019 22:41

I would tell the mum, and I would tell the school as well. This is a massive safeguarding issue for the child.

Drum2018 · 02/07/2019 22:42

Definitely tell her. That's shocking.

CodenameVillanelle · 02/07/2019 22:43

Tell the mum and the school. Shocking.

floraloctopus · 02/07/2019 22:43

I'd tell the school, it's a serious issue.

user1473878824 · 02/07/2019 22:44

Of course you need to tell her mother! Why would you think you wouldn’t?!

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 02/07/2019 22:45

Did the picture definitely come from the friend or has it been passed round?

I'd go to the school, you've no idea what's going on at home and school can either act directly or do a focused assembly for example.

On the other hand, putting aside the legal aspect of it...is she possibly your daughter's girlfriend?

AtSea1979 · 02/07/2019 22:46

What! Has everyone gone mad? It’s a year 6 child. She sent a picture where she happened to have no top on? Or was she mimicking ‘topless style’ photo?

Original poster

The2Ateam · 02/07/2019 22:51

I did consider telling the school but I have no confidence as to how they would del with the issue, hence me asking for advice as to whether I should tell her mum.

It’s definitely her, and it has been texted messaged from her number to my daughters. I have no idea if anyone else has seen it.

I don’t think they’re ‘girlfriends’ I have seen or heard nothing that makes think that anyway.

I genuinely have no idea why she would do that. I feel sick with worry to be honest.

OP posts:

TheSmallAssassin · 02/07/2019 22:54

You definitely need to do something, it is illegal to distribute indecent pictures of minors like this (even of yourself if you are a child) and unlike the laws around underage sex it is for any child under 18. This is very serious. You need to speak to the school, or the police recommended calling 101 for advice.

childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/sexting/

TheHandsOfNeilBuchanan · 02/07/2019 22:58

You need to speak to the mum but you also need to ask your daughter why someone is sending her nudes.

Snowy81 · 02/07/2019 22:59

You need to inform the school. They will take it seriously,

Miljah · 02/07/2019 23:00

Straight to the school. In your shoes, I wouldn't involve the mum.

That mum might be as concerned as you, glad she'd seen it in order to nip it in, quickly; or she might turn it all around to make you and/or your DD look 'weird'.

Judging by what a cousin of mine thinks is appropriate to post on FB re her primary schoolers.... but in fairness, it's provocative poses, not naked flesh.

Bellatrix14 · 02/07/2019 23:02

You do need to tell someone. While the police tend to educate young people as opposed to prosecuting them when it comes to sexting, it is classed as distributing child pornography if they are sending pictures, even if they are of themselves.

@AtSea1979 I used to work in Yr 6 and the development can be very varied, both physically and emotionally. It’s not like it’s a topless toddler. And regardless, it still needs to be reported to the school’s safeguarding officer.

LauderSyme · 02/07/2019 23:10

AtSea1979 It is possible she sent the picture for any number of reasons, none of them sexual. But it is a safeguarding issue nonetheless.

It is concerning that you don't have confidence in the school OP, they ought to have clear policies in place regarding this kind of thing, and follow them scrupulously. Have you looked at the website for your local county council at all? They are responsible for education etc and might have some helpful resources.

I'm just a bit worried that you don't know the mum well enough to have confidence in how she would deal with it either. Lots of parents are probably ill-equipped to handle this kind of scenario.

Original poster

The2Ateam · 02/07/2019 23:16

There was a safeguarding issue at our school last year, it was reported to the school and both sets of parents and children called in to speak to the head. Unfortunately, it went no further than that. No other agencies and no real punishment for the child ‘agressor’ hence my lack of confidence.

I am now also worried that my daughter may be doing the same but so far cant find any evidence of that.

OP posts:

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