AIBU or is school safeguarding policy? Trigger warning, child abuse.

[saxypiano]

Name change as personal

When my daughter was 3 she was abused.
She made disclosure to me just after her fourth birthday.

On her first ever play date in reception, other mum walked in to see the girls naked playing babies. I panicked and told mum everything we'd been through. Thought she was a friend but she spread roumers around the school. Bitchy group of mums from the school started a petition that their children weren't safe with my little girl in the class.

I should have moved her schools, but the school were awesome in handling it! They've supported us and helped us through counselling etc.

Flash forward 6 years. Daughter has no recollection of her abuse or her disclosure to me. She knows she went counselling, but has never asked why, or thought it wasn't what every kid did when they were younger.

Main mum we had a problem with from the play date moved her child to a different school a year later. I've never gotten into the clique of school gate mums or wanted to! My daughter is not popular or have many friends which I blame to this, but other factors could be to blame.

Anyway... that's the backstory!

School put in place in response to the complaint that my daughter couldn't go to the toilet unattended to protect their children.

This was in reception and she's now going into year 5. School will not budge on the supervision despite my DD not remembering it, and has no idea why she has to go with a TA.

Do I go with their safeguarding plan of supervision in the toilets, or keep complaining that my daughter needs normality and to move on?

That's awful, why do they feel your daughter would be a risk? She was the victim not the perpetrator? Presuming she has done nothing to warrant this then I would say it is discrimination and singling her out when they don't need to.

That’s appalling but I wonder if it’s in place to protect your dd rather than anyone else.

I'd complain. It's patently ridiculous and I'm amazed they put that 'solution' in in the first place tbh.

I think by year 5 this is bordering on ridiculous. Your poor daughter.
I'd ask them their reasons for her to be accompanied

My son disclosed abuse of this type not long after coming home to me (adopted). Both his primary & secondary schools knew. Neither put anything like this in place - they would have seen me in court re discrimination if they had & they knew it. Unless there’s extra info you haven’t shared (history of harming others) the school IBVU. Complain and keep going higher.

This is absurd!
Your poor daughter. She needs normality. She will soon question why she is supervised for toilet visits and I'm sure the other children have noticed too.

Why on earth would she need to be supervised anyway. She was a victim.

MOSAC may offer some support.

The supervision will be part of a risk assessment and this should be reviewed regularly. You can ask for the last date it was reviewed and request another review as you feel it's incorrect.
You could contact your Local Safeguarding Children Board (LSCB) for some advice about how risk assessments are conducted in your local schools and check that the guidance has been followed and reviewed correctly.

Surely this should be reviewed annually! Your poor daughter. I'd ask to speak to the safeguarding lead at the school. Would social services be of any help or able to give advice? I wonder if they could support your case against the school's decision. Or would a statement from the original counsellor add any weight?

Thank you, I was worried I was too close to it, and couldn't see other parents POV. Will keep fighting, going to talk to safeguarding governor

I really do not understand. Why have they done this?

I don't understand why they think your daughter is a risk to others? She hasn't done anything?

It's because it isn't unusual for victims of CSA to role play their abuse with other children........do at 5 the supervision may have been needed but it isn't appropriate now. I'd ask to have a review of her risk assessment and ask for it to be updated. It's ridiculous that she's being marked out as different through no fault of her own.

Totally weird and wrong of the school to make your daughter different. Though no fault of her own. Call me nieve but are young kids not comfortable being naked and the playdate incident might not have been linked to the abuse. It might of happend anyway. If I walked in on two young girls who had got naked in front of each other I would have told them to put their clothes on and not thought much of it. They just haven't learned about privacy or social norms yet. It's not a big deal. A petition and protection measures in place on the back of it and abuse she cant remember its ridiculous. Complain complain complain she isnt being treated fairly.

How are her realtionships with other girls now ? Does she have play dates etc ?

Yes, I'd go to the HoSafeguarding and ask for a meeting, then to the Governors, then to the LA Childrens Safeguarding Lead - thats googleable on your local council site.

I'm so sorry that you've both been treated this way. Wishing you all the best.

I understand why they did this when the incident with the other child happened (sorry if that sounds unfeeling) but DD's had counselling and has filed away the abuse into a safe place within her mind to stop it from hurting it further - to the point she seems to have forgotten it.

But school is being very unprofessional if they continue to keep this policy in place rather than review it. I would insist on a meeting with the principal, the head of pastoral care and the safeguarding officer so you can update them. I would also prepare for the meeting by contacting DD's counsellor and asking him/her to support the meeting in person or by providing a short letter or report to give this clueless school team some information to allow them to prepare a new risk assessment, which should be low or zero.

I'm speaking from experience here. My DS1 (adopted) suffered abuse (mental and physical) but this was not known about until his behaviours changed at age 10, 8 years after he was taken into care. We have the most wonderful therapist who has visited school to offer support and advice to staff on how to handle his behaviours. We are finally seeing light at the end of the tunnel, almost 2 years after this therapist entered our lives. School staff changed after her first visit, they realised their previous training and experience wasn't enough for the nurturing he needed. Your counsellor could hopefully do the same in your situation and finally allow your DD the freedom her peers enjoy.

Stay strong, insist your DD is treated fairly and don't stop until it happens.

I could cry for you and your poor daughter. Yes, the school need to regularly review their safeguarding risk assessment. I think the first point of call would be a meeting with the Headteacher, safeguarding lead and the safeguarding lead governor to ask why the risk assessment has not been reviewed as your daughter has matured. Good luck OP.

They think your poor daughter who was abused is going to do what exactly? That's what I'd want the school to answer. What exactly are they protecting the other children from?

Yanbu