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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not take part in the mother's race at sports day?

145 replies

nanbread · 02/07/2019 19:46

My 6 year old has asked if I will take part in the mums race, he's very keen that I do. I want to model giving things a go and trying my best even if I'm not the best, as it's something that he struggles with, I also want to encourage him to be more sporty and active.

The problem is I am deeply unfit, I've only run for the bus in the last 20 years, and will probably come last. I don't really want to humiliate myself in front of the entire school year...

WWYD / AIBU?

OP posts:

Kokeshi123 · 03/07/2019 01:21

It's up to you, but honestly, it's fine for kids to be a bit disappointed sometimes. And no way will all the other mothers take part!

Bluerussian · 03/07/2019 06:33

You're not unreasonable. Not all mums do the 'mums' race', not all schools have them! I wouldn't have done it, would just have laughed and said it was definitely not my thing and I do plenty of other things.

We all have to put ourselves out of our comfort zones for our children at times but there are limits.

exLtEveDallas · 03/07/2019 06:44

If you really don't want to do it, sidle up to the Head or Caretaker and ask if they have insurance and a Risk Assessment for the parents race...

whatswithtodaytoday · 03/07/2019 06:54

Oh Jesus, I thought I'd escaped all this shit when I left school. I dreaded sports day, can't run fast to save my life (can do long, slow ruins now I've taught myself how to breathe and pace myself, but they don't teach you they at school), and am certainly never running in front of a crowd again.

I think it's perfectly acceptable to say to your child that they have to do something because they're at school, but adults don't have to have because we're not.

whatswithtodaytoday · 03/07/2019 06:56

*runs! Though 'ruins' is an excellent typo

HelloGabriel · 03/07/2019 07:13

In DD's school, the 'mums' race' is a 50m dash with a beanbag on the head, while the 'dads' race' is a full-on 400m track sprint.

Mums = joke. Dads = sportspeople.

School can shove its dated, sexist, stereotypes up its arse

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 03/07/2019 07:28

Your DS adores you and is convinced you will win, bless him.

WoopieDoo · 03/07/2019 07:32

Parents races are good fun! It's the dads that always get super competitive and one of them can usually be counted on to fall over taking a few others with him. Be a good role model and just do it.

Artesia · 03/07/2019 07:52

I have surprised myself with my reaction to this thread- I throughly I’d be a bit eye rolly, and agree that it’s ridiculous, but as I read it I found myself wondering why it’s not ok for “mums” to be a bit competitive and enjoy a race?
I love competition- not necessarily running, but quizzes, baking etc. I enter and I want to be the best and to win. And I totally understand why someone who likes running might enjoy the chance to have a race. Not that they are sneering at people who don’t, or laughing at the person who comes last, but enjoying a challenge and an element of competition. Too many women do the whole “oh I don’t know the answer- I’m rubbish at general knowledge” or “oh I don’t like to race”, and it’s seen as unfeminine to put yourself forward, compete and want to win.

Well bollocks to that I say. If you don’t want to race, don’t. But stop laughing at those who do enjoy competing. All power to them I say.

LL83 · 03/07/2019 07:59

@sacope the better person in the context of the person who tries and joins in as we expect the children to do rather than lies about an injury as I would do.

Running a race does not make you a good person/parent or vice versa. Did not intened to suggest that apologies if it appeared that way.

SushiForAmateurs · 03/07/2019 08:23

Artesia - and that's what local park runs and various seasonal races are for.

People who want to run competitively can freely do so in the many organised competitions. There's no shortage of them.

Limbering up and getting down on your haunches ready for the start gun, knowing you're competing against people who are literally zero competition against your prowess is really a bit sad.

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 03/07/2019 08:33

I cracked a rib in the mothers race

Very painful...and i had to style it out

Which was even more painful

Dh cheated in his race by putting ds1 on his shoulders and walking....cue lots of clapping and aaaahhhhhs from the mums and dirty looks from the dads who hadn’t thought about doing that

So i feel your pain

HotChocolateLover · 03/07/2019 09:28

Aww, just do it for your boy. I never used to particularly enjoy it but I loved seeing my son’s face so that was enough for me.

notfromstepford · 03/07/2019 09:32

I took part in the mums race and I bloody hate running. DS asked me to (he asked me not to last year). I said OK - but don't be disappointed if I come last. I could hear him cheering as I was running shouting "Yay - go Mummy" and then he came and gave me a big hug at the end. Helps that I don't give a shit what the other mums think of me, just did it for the fun.

However, out of the 100 or so mums there only 11 of us ran so the vast majority didn't. So I wouldn't worry either way take part or don't, it's your choice.

OhDearDottie · 03/07/2019 16:17

I went to my niece's sports day as her parents were busy and I am on Mat Leave. She asked me to take part in the race but I very conveniently had a baby in a sling so I agreed but could only walk. She then told me not to bother!

So my solution is to wear a baby to sports day. Works like a sick note!

Toooldtocareanymore · 03/07/2019 17:09

had to do this only once thankfully, as my ds school decided sports days without parents there were much more fun, and yes I came last but my ds was so proud of me he said he thought I would loose a shoe, or go the wrong way so in his eyes I was a winner, had I only known he set the bar so low.

But my very good mad Spanish friend wins for daring/bribing her 16 YO ds to dress up in her yoga gear and a long blond wig, and pretend to be a mum, he was a scream took about 5 mins on starting line applying lipstick, then called for a nail file, he developed a wiggle when he trotted along, most mums were laughing so much they almost couldn't finish, he was cheered over finish line, the little kids were all trying to get him to lend him the wig for later races.

BumandChips · 03/07/2019 17:12

I did, it’s just a bit of fun. I’m not a runner either.

SpookyMulder · 03/07/2019 17:14

5 kids.

Never done a parents race, ever.

Am still here. World didn't implode.

Chickenitalia · 03/07/2019 17:20

Offer to run the pta refreshments tent instead. Far more use and also modelling good behaviour to your kids.

Or just don’t bother and say no, I’m an adult, I can’t go back to work looking a state so no. Simple.

TomHagenMakesMyBosomTremble · 03/07/2019 17:47

I wouldn't do it- I don't want to! I also have weak ankles and my right foot is damaged after a fall. Not risking it to prove a point to Maisies mummy in her yoga pants. I would suggests buying an ankle support thingy from the pharmacy and faking a twist that happened at work or something.

There's a reason my tfl "offer me a seat" badge is my precioussss my most treasured possession.

Chathamhouserules · 03/07/2019 18:00

My dc's school don't have a parents' race. I would do it if they did. And I'd probably try and win! Does that make me a bad person? No, its just fun to have a race sometimes, like when you're small! Mind you, I wouldn't win because I'm not fast, but I'd still give it a go. Sends a good message to the children I think.
I was a bit shocked at our DC sports day. So many children declined to do the race around the track, because its too far for them. Its really not that far, and I really don't think that would have happened a decade or so ago. And a significant proportion of the children are overweight. Not fat shaming, just a shame that their parents are putting them at risk of worse health/shorter lifespan/increased risk of cancer (unless its genetic/health related etc etc). I think its all wrapped up together. The message that the children are getting from their parents is that exercise is bad and not fun. Part of the reason we've got this obesity crisis.
So I think everyone should do the race.

Chathamhouserules · 03/07/2019 18:08

Well I don't mean everyone should do the race (and of course there are people who's health prevents it) but I mean we'd be in a better place if more people modeled healthy behaviour, like healthy eating and exercising, for example being in mums' races.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 03/07/2019 18:29

At DSis’s DC’s school they had a proper stewards enquiry when one of the nannies ran in the mum’s race in loco parentis and won, there was outrage from the competitive mums who deemed her ineligible.

Anyone who gives the Mums race at sports day this much headspace needs to take a long hard look at themselves.

OP, I understand where you're coming from. I'm not unfit but I loathe competitive sports, always have. I also don't like drawing attention to myself. It's just not my thing at all. I appreciate what some posters are saying about setting an example but I'm sure will be plenty of other opportunities for you to 'model' giving things a go, being gracious in defeat etc. Sports Day isn't the be all and end all. Perhaps on this occasion you can 'model' not allowing yourself to be pressured into doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable.

ForalltheSaints · 03/07/2019 18:50

Don't do it. You don't want to, and it will do your son no harm to have to learn to be disappointed about things on occasions. It's also a way of helping him learn that just because someone else's mum (or dad) does something, you or your DP/DH don't have to.

Topseyt · 03/07/2019 19:10

I never did it. Hated that sort of thing at school and was certainly not about to do it again as a parent. I am not competitive at all and have no wish to be. My kids weren't bothered about it at all.

Don't do it if you don't want to.

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