Play date annoyance

[Imfinallyhappy1]

Dd has a facial palsy since birth, as such when she chews it’s quite loud.

She has her ‘best friend’ over at the moment, this friend is a lovely girl but can be quite demanding, mean girl. They had a falling out at the beginning of the year so it’s been a very gradual process of them being friends again etc.

The girl.s are eating some sweets and she’s continually telling dd to close her mouth when she chews. I’ve said 3 times she can’t honey she has a special face.

Dd has said she can’t and friend is still asking.

It’s starting to annoy me, what can I say apart from what I’ve already said?

Part of me thinks she’s doing it on purpose.

Now she’s complaining about the film, wants to play somewhere else, bored etc.

Help please

I would just say to her "you don't seem like you're having a good time, would you like me to phone Mum or Dad & they can come & collect you?" And just repeat, repeat, repeat

Well, she can't be a lovely girl and a mean girl simultaneously.

I'd chalk it up to experience and not invite her again.

Life's too short. Call her parents to come and collect, say you don't think she's enjoying herself.

You can't force them to be friends, and to be honest she sounds like a pain in the bum.

jemima she is though, she can’t be really lovely and kind but then next time she’s saying things to hurt feelings. My dd is no saint but being autistic she doesn’t pick up on things and friend will say things that are a bit mean.

I’ve kept dd away outside of school for 6 months now but she begged for a play date and I reluctantly agreed, after the falling out it was really hard for dd.

All kids can be mean sometimes but friend has taken it too far in the past.

How old?

I'd be frank "I've already told you 3 times why she can't, if you can't be nice, you'll go home".

Definitely not forcing them to be friends, I’ve been nagged for about 6 months for a play date I finally agreed.

7 nearly 8

Sorry jemima I meant to say can be nice sometimes

Time to text mum and dad to collect her.

I think you need to say "when you say that about DD's chewing you upset her." Then if she does it again you can escalate it to, "if you choose to upset DD again with the comment then we will phone your mum and ask you to be picked up".

Either call time on the play date or change tack with what they are doing.

Play a game - my 8 year old loves go fish or snap. Play outside if you have a garden. Fill up bowls with water and mud and play mud cafes. Get them to write a comic or story or do some drawing.

Every time she is mean call her out (gently).

Or send her home!

I'd give 1 more warning then home. It's not fair to send her straight away if you haven't given her chance to sort her behaviour. The girl might also not realise how rude she is being until you spell it out.

I’ve set up a sandpit with paddling pool but friend doesn’t want to do that, olouring and again it’s a no, film but she refused as she wanted a film not for kids.

Seriously she’s just one down crying that dd has 2 princess castles and it’s not fair as they are bigger than hers.

I said there’s nothing I can do about that and carried on cooking.

Sigh

I'd be frank "I've already told you 3 times why she can't, if you can't be nice, you'll go home".

Exactly this. She sounds like a brat to be honest, what time is she due to leave?

Am I reading it right that your dd hasn’t had a play date for 6 months? Except for her being mean (which isn’t on) maybe you’ve just forgotten how shit play dates can be sometimes. Some kids are harder work than others. Especially the ones that are treated like little princesses at home.

With one of my dds friends I am always clock watching and counting down the minutes till she goes.

Hang in there it will be over soon

Don’t allow DD to be picked on in her own home. Call her parents now and when they arrived, tell them they need to chat to their DD about disabilities. She is rude as fuck. I would be mortified if one my DC did this.

Tbh, if you're telling the girl that your DD has a 'special face' that may be a bit too vague for her. I have a DD with significant SN, and I have found that being clear is really helpful.

For example, if kids say "why do you walk like that?!" I would say "DD1's brain is a bit different to yours, so it makes her a bit wobbly when she walks." Or "DD1 had to work really hard to learn how to talk, and her brain sometimes struggles with how to say some sounds".

Could you say "We've all got nerves in our faces and when she was born, one/some of DD's nerves were squashed/damaged/missing.... (whatever happened), so that means that DD can't chew with her mouth closed."

Most children are taught from a young age that it's rude to chew with your mouth open, so this girl probably just needs a clear explanation that it isn't rude for your DD.

DD1 goes to special school, and said, one day, "X rude because she just blows raspberries instead of talking." I said "Blowing raspberries is talking for X. She can't say words, so that's ok. If you blow raspberries, it's rude, because you can use words."

Send her home. She’s more bother than she’s worth and not a true friend. Why would you even contemplate having a child in your home a second longer when she keeps ridiculing your daughter for her facial palsy? That’s downright nasty behaviour and at 8 she’s old enough to know better when told.

Her mum comes att, dd has had play dates just not with this child, tbh I’ve been discouraging play dates with the girl due to the falling out.

They are upstairs now playing nicely. I’ll tell the mum but she’s useless she handled the falling out badly and justified her dd behaviour before.

My dd can be annoying and we spoke to dd about that.

I’m not one to really judge others parenting but stuff other mum does with her dd isn’t they way I do things with mine. Eg drinking coffe, watching love island etc.

Dd has known this girl since being a toddler, she knows about dd face and it’s been explained. ;(

Eleanor, because dd begged for her to come round, saying she’s nice to her now and they are friends. I can’t chose dd friends but I can guide her into knowing right from wrong.

I know kids fall out and make up etc so I try not to interfere too much because the next day they will be friends again.

I understand why your daughter wanted her round in the first place, a I just mean that once she’s had a go whilst your dd is eating several times today why didn’t you call her Mum and tell her that she needed to collect her due to her being cruel about your dd despite her being told several times that she cannot physically close her mouth to chew?

Fair point Eleanor, it wasn’t as forceful as that, she made a remark several times and we said it wasn’t helped she stopped after that and moved on.

She’s now telling dd that fairytales aren’t real. Urgh never again never again.

The only thing I’d do different to what you have is explain it a bit more, rather than “she has a special face” - I’m not sure that would mean much to a child. As long as it won’t upset dd I’d go with more like “you know how everyone in the whole world is different? Well, when dd was in my tummy her face grew a bit differently to most faces, and having a special face like hers means that she can’t close her mouth when she chews like you do. It’s perfectly normal for her.” Or something. Just in case she actually doesn’t understand.

Of course if you know she gets it and is just being picky to be mean/rude then I’d go with one more warning or you call mum!

I’ve just texted mum saying the girls are finished with playing now and can she collect, I’ll mention about the comments but it will fall on deaf ears.