Do not go to a friends wedding.

[Shootingstar1115]

Please don’t judge me here. I have severe social anxiety which means I struggle with everything including simple things like going to the shop and opening the door to the postman.

My oldest and longest friend is getting married very soon. We don’t live near to each other anymore. We both live in new areas and have our newer friends, we don’t see each other often but email quite a lot

She’s getting married, I will have to attend alone as Oh will be home with the children making it worse. I really rely on Oh for support. It would have been nice if DC were invited as we could have all went which would of eased my anxiety but that’s her choice who she invites ofc.

At the wedding there will be a mix of her family whom I know, the grooms family and I know some of them too, her newer friends who I don’t really know and some old friends that tbh make my anxiety worse.

They will be all getting drunk. I don’t like being around drunk people, I am t-total.

There is a strong possibility my ex (DS’s dad) will be there as he’s related to the groom and that’s stressing me out. If he remains sober it will be okay but if he drinks he will proably make my life hell... he can’t handle his drink.

One of her newer friends coincidently has history with my partner of 7 years. She barely spoke to me and quite frankly rude to me (despite me trying to make pleasant conversation) at the hen do. It was over 20 years ago and they were school kids, so thought she’d be over it by now.

Would you be offended if you were getting married and your oldest friend (who you’ve actually met in person with twice in about 3 years) didn’t attend?

It’s not like I’ll be missed, she has plenty of others there and I’ll just be a spare part anyway.

She is aware I suffer terribly from social anxiety.

I find it hilarious that the OP detailed social anxiety so bad she struggles to open the door to the postman and the first poster assumes she’s indulging in centre of attention activities such as weddings and baby showers for herself 😂

OP also said she went to the hen do. as they are usually at night and include drinking I would assume a babyshower would be easier to attend so assume the poster was going along those lines.

I think going to the ceremony and meal and then leaving sounds like a good compromise. But I think you also have good enough reasons to drop the whole thing if you want to.

In all honesty, I'd just go to the ceremony and skip the meal! For someone with the amount of baggage you're taking, and social anxiety on top, the meal would probably be the worst part!

I would message my kids nursery and ask if any of the staff would like to paid babysit. I know they do this...

I would attend, and I would take OH

I am thinking of just going to the ceremony, meal/speeches/cake and make a swift exit before the drinking part.

I think that sounds ideal.

Please don't make things hard for yourself.

Just write to your friend (and send a gift) and tell her the truth. If she's a good friend, she'll understand.

Social Anxiety is crippling. I completely understand that you're struggling with the thought of going to this wedding.

I’d go to the ceremony and skip the meal and the rest of it. She’ll appreciate that.

However you decide to handle it is fine.
Do what is best for your health.

Maybe just go to the meal? Or explain you have social anxiety.

Sounds pretty difficult without anxiety!

I think that if you could manage ceremony, meal/speeches/cake then that sounds great.

Well tbh that's what our wedding was!

No evening do for us!

I am thinking of just going to the ceremony, meal/speeches/cake and make a swift exit before the drinking part.

I think that's a perfect compromise because if I did read it right and she's already had her hen do, it's far too late to let her down.

Has she only just told you your kids aren't invited?

I am totally with you. I would cancel. I totally understand!

I have severe social anxiety as well. Friends can be hard to come by in my situation so I’m guessing that is true for you as well. If this is a friendship you value, then you need to try to go. You don’t have to party the night away. Just make it through speeches, cake cutting and first dances.

This is what I am doing with an optional, but it’s really important I attend, out of state work party. I will be fine with the week of training and meetings, but the end of week celebratory party is absolute torture. Last year I threw up right before I left. I still went because my boss thinks these events are important and I want to keep my job. It lasts half a day, so I set myself a goal of 2 hours and then flee.

In all honesty, I'd just go to the ceremony and skip the meal! For someone with the amount of baggage you're taking, and social anxiety on top, the meal would probably be the worst part!
This ^^, although cancelling would be perfectly acceptable in my books given your circumstances.

I would go to the ceremony then leave.

If your friendship is that longstanding, then surely she knows of the problem and would be understanding of why you can't go?

I wouldn't want a friend to o come to my wedding if it would be horrendously stressful for them, OP.

Weddings are supposed to be fun, not an ordeal.

One friend of mine didn't come to my wedding and I'm assuming her anxiety was the issue although she never exactly spelled that out for me. Anyway never held it against her.

Another friend declined the invite because she's ideologically opposed to the institution of marriage, and although I was surprised, I didn't really mind about that either!

i personally would not go i have severe anxiety panic attacks and social anxiety clusterphobia as well i am not very good with people or crowded places i wouldnt be able to cope. I am in the same boat as you and i also have transport difficulties as well i live in small rural town no transport after a certain time