Preschool gymnastics BU or am I too sensitive?

[Readysetcake]

DD 3 goes to pre school gymnastics. She enjoys it, though recently went through a phase of saying she didn’t want to go. At the end of the class the kids get either two, one or no well done stamps and one gets start of the week. My DD is often upset, sometimes crying, that she only gets one stamp and never star of the week. I’m guessing it’s because she’s day dreamer and has to be asked to do things more than once and sometimes gets distracted (drives me crazy but thought that was standard 3 yo behaviour).

AIBU to think it’s a bit much to grade their behaviour like this when they are only 3? I understand it might be a way to encourage them to listen and promote competition and self improvement, but when she is consistently upset that she only gets one when it’s seems all the others get two, I worry about the effect it may have on her self esteem and wonder if we should jack it in.

Am I being too over protective ?

yabu
it's part of the learning.
behaviour has consequences.
I assume the other children are a similar age. some children are just quicker able to take instructions than others.

Presumably this is weekly? I think they’re a bit young to be able to rationalise that next week they need to do X, Y and Z to get more stamps etc. A week is a long time at that age.

Yeah it’s weekly. I’m not against stamps or kids having to understand there is consequences to actions. But she is 3 and not being naughty just distracted and day dreamy. Surely at this age it’s just about encouraging them to be active and enjoy activities rather than make
Them feel bad because they’re not as good at a certain skill as other people. Plenty of time for that later in life surely.

Or you could use it as an encouraging thing, let her know she has lots more chances to keep working on it.

I hate all this stamps and stickers bs.

In my experience, it does very little to help children achieve.

I think it’s pretty mean to be judging them against their peers so openly at such a young age. Star of the week is fine but leaving some kids with nothing is cruel. No wonder she doesn’t want to go.

I’m starting to think it’s a bit cruel too tbh. I do encourage her after and tell her how she can get two stamps (good listening etc) but feel like it’s putting pressure on her maybe I should chat to them and see what she’s doing to not get two stamps and make them aware she can get quite upset.

A class my 3yo dc goes to has a similar reward system but the 'star' (medal in our case) is rotated amongst everyone over the course of the term more or less evenly. The coach is very clear it's for the best effort or most improved or who had the most fun.

It sounds like your coach needs to be better at gaining your dc's attention or working out whether their expectations are unrealistic, especially since there is a big difference between a just turned 3yo and a nearly 4yo.

I’d take her out and find a more child-centric activity

Yabu my ds has been doing a similar type class since 2yo and hes almost 3 now. Some days he doesnt come home with a star and if I ask him why then he tells me because he wasnt listening today. He has made the link between getting a star and what he needs to do. I fully support this. I once picked him up and he was the only one who didn't have anything, but he understood why.

My DD’s nursery used to give a sticker in their homework book if they answered the questions correctly. As we did it with her she usually got a sticker but one time DH forgot to update the book and so no sticker. My friend was horrified! But DD didn’t mind. She knew why she didn’t get one. I guess it comes down to how they do it.

All the gymnastics classes we’ve been to have done similar. Generally they award effort as well as attainment though.

She just needs to try a bit harder.

Stamp thing is just weird. Surely they could just do star of the week

2 stamps, 1 stamps, no stamps + star of the week sounds like an overly complicated grading system that most 3 year olds are not going to understand. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. Our pre-school gym class gives everyone a stamp after class and one child gets star of the week but they do make an effort to rotate it.

If she’s not really focusing on the class and is asking not go, I’d probably take it as an opportunity to stop. It doesn’t sound like the upset is worth it.

yuck...well that sounds pretty awful...but then most gymnastics classes are along those lines.

I would take her out and find somewhere that's more child centred.

I wouldn't like that. My 3 year old goes to gymnastics and they all get two stamps at the end of class because they've all taken part.

Well, she will need to learn at some point that day dreaming and not paying attention has its own consequences, but 3 is a tad young to be learning that lesson!

Be conscious of the fact that as she ages, it will become less and less excusable for her to be inattentive. In an older child who knows full well that they need to pay attention to participate properly and be safe, not paying attention IS a form of disrespect and naughtiness.

I dont know maybe she can't concentrate for the whole lesson. Our sport is 45min and dc is only 3.11yo.
I find their attention varies - best for first 20min
And worst for the activity they dislike. So the combination of short attention span and physical activity exhausts the dc.
I dont have an issue with the reward system however i would acknowledge to myself that my dc needs to try harder or struggles with attention so may not be getting the stickers.
If you think this is harsh prepare for school where at 4.0yo children can be on reward charts /clouds etc for not listening etc

If that’s the worst thing that happens to her at gymnastics she’s lucky. Wait until they start pressing her into the splits with her front foot on a chair.

OP you might like 'punished by rewards' by Alfie John x

*Kohn

Thanks for all the messages. I’m not adverse to her learning that day dreaming and not listening is not appropriate in class situations/when people are talking to her. In fact I tell her most days as she doesn’t listen to me! But she is a good, kind (though emotional!) girl and not malicious in her actions. Like a previous poster said, I feel the whole system is too complicated at this age. I feel a stamp each for taking part and star of the week is enough. But I do see where other posters are coming from. It’s a 45 minute class so maybe she just doesn’t have the attention span yet.

I think I’ll have a chat with them to see what she’s like in class/ how she enjoys it. But I think I’m probably
Going to use the summer break as the time to stop it and give her a chance to try something else. Can only really afford one activity at a time though. Might have to start a thread to ask for suggestions of hobby for day dreaming 3yo!

Gymnastics is pretty cut throat tho isn’t it? Like they know who’s got potential at 4 or 5? I’m not saying YABU but it might be better for you to find another activity for your DD.