How to tactfully get out of going to a hen night strip show

[BigfanofCheese]

Hi all,

I am invited to a dear friend's wedding and hen night in another country in a few weeks time. I will be a bridesmaid and staying with the b&g (not as annoying as it sounds, I'm only there a few nights, we only get to see each other once a year due to the distance, groom will be elsewhere the night before and they will be in a hotel for the wedding night so I can cat sit).

Another of her friends is organising the hen night and wants to include a Chippendales type strip show. I really don't want to go to this for 2 reasons:

a) I would not be happy with a potential partner having visited a strip show, not saying it would be a deal breaker necessarily but I would not be impressed

b) I don't agree with it due to the trafficking and exploitation that happens to female strippers (fully aware this does not apply to all strippers and is less of a risk to men but I see it as part of an industry I want to buy into).

I don't think the bride is aware of this plan, the hen night itinerary is a surprise.

In short, how would you tactfully duck out of this part of the evening? I don't want to appear to be foisting my opinions on everyone else (especially as I haven't met most of the other hens) as they are fully entitled to their own.

A couple of problems are that I don't know the city and it's somewhere I would stand out so I don't think my friend would be comfortable me finding a bar to sit in on my own at night (although I would be happy with this). Also, as I'm staying with the bride, it isn't as simple as just staying at home.

At a push, i could mention to the organisers that I have a health condition that in some people is affected by flashing lights (true). However, I'm worried that if I do, everyone will change their plans and I really don't want to be awkward and make this a "thing"!!

Any suggestions?

Thanks

God I would hate it it someone had organised this kind of thing for me on a hen do. Why do people do it? It’s so tacky and naff. I bet this bride-to-be will feel very awkward. Could you not subtly suggest to the organiser to moot the idea with the bride and a few others before steaming ahead? There’s still time to change the plan!

YABU to think you have to say no 'tactfully'. Just say that you don't like things like that. Lots of people don't. I wouldn't bother trying to justify it either.

Just say it’s not your cup of tea.

Just say it’s not your thing, why pretend? Would you go along with your dh going to a strip show?
I hate this type of thing and have politely declined in the past. It’s so unpleasant and tacky.

I bet you aren’t the only one who has reservations about this form of entertainment. Let the organiser know nicely that you will be sitting that part of the evening out and I bet you won’t be the only one.

Just be honest and say you really disagree with strippers so won't be going unless they change it. Good luck! Ps shouldn't organising the hen do be bridesmaid job aka you?!! 😜

God I can think of nothing more boring. I thought the Chippendales stopped in the 1980's. I wouldn't fabricate a story I'd just say not my thing sorry.

Haha Coop caught red handed neglecting my duties! I've offered to help with anything I can remotely but the organiser is a bridesmaid too and lives locally so is much better placed to sort out the hen!

Why does everything have to be so intense & weary ? It’s not your bag clearly but all the judgement blimey. Don’t go. ( ps I hope it’s Magic Mike).

It's better to be honest than try and hide behind 'fake tact', where you try so hard not to offend you just complicate things.

'I've never been a fan of strippers so please don't book me a ticket, I'll head to a bar during that part and meet you afterwards'

Honest, not preachy and doesn't put anyone out.

Why does everything have to be so intense & weary ?

I do not think the word 'weary' means what you think it means.

Though the idea of going to see the Chippendales take their velcro clothes off does make me quite weary.

I'd just say it's not my thing and would rather sit it out.

Why not be upfront about it? Why the need to hide behind a medical problem?

Just tell her!

I'd feel exactly the same and would just say that strip shows really aren't my thing, so I'll do something else while it is on and catch up with everyone later.

I do not think the word 'weary' means what you think it means

No - I know what it means. You are perhaps not familiar with the use of the word in a slang context.

"i'll meet you after or sit next door or something. It's not my thing /I'm not paying for that shit/ I don't agree with it"

You don't need to justify your distaste for it, and don't be bullied into "well nobody else minds" etc, you are entitled to not want to be involved. I wouldn't go and see male strippers and I spent the best part of a decade as a stripper.

I thought "weary" meant tired, worn out, drained... that sort of thing.
What's the new slang meaning? (Genuine question, although perhaps I'm getting past the point of trying to keep up with new slang 😕).

Also, I bet you may well find a couple of other hens bailing out from the stripper part of the evening, OP, if you do.

Funny old world isn't it when you feel guilty for not wanting to go to a strip show!

Check the venue on google maps nad find a nearby bar now. Then message:

"Hi lovelies, I'm really not a fan of strip shows so I'm going to take up residence in [Bar Name] whilst you'e in there seeing the show - I'll have around of G&Ts waiting for you for after :-) "

their velcro clothes

The mental image of some sleazy dude strutting about on a stage before ripping a velcro-adapted fireman's outfit off of his orange self-tanned body really tickles my funnybone! 😂

I would just be honest. I am absolutely no ok with going to one of those sorts of shows, and I would tell them.

I thought "weary" meant tired, worn out, drained... that sort of thing.
What's the new slang meaning? (Genuine question, although perhaps I'm getting past the point of trying to keep up with new slang 😕)

Ha ha it’s not one for the kids but it’s used to mean a bit tedious or pedantic - usually in relation to a person. I understand that this is not to everyone’s taste but all this angst is just OTT. It’s the Dream Boys or whoever it is.... you’re not contributing to the oppression of all of mankind. Don’t get your sparkly thong knickers in a twist. Just don’t go.

Honestly what a weird world it is if you're struggling to find a tactful way of saying you don't want to watch strangers get naked. Fuck that. Strip shows are creepy and grim, and people who enjoy them are weird.

Just say 'It's not for me, I'll join you guys later.'.

Divebar I'm not sure what your point is. You don't feel people are entitled to an opinion against strip shows, or to express this?

Obviously I will not go. What I was asking was for suggestions on how to avoid making this a big deal when I'll be the bride's guest in a group of people I don't know well if at all.

Thanks to everyone for your pointers.

Papaya lol