To ask if you check your kids social media, do you really think they do not circumnavigate your checks?

[jennymanara]

Lots of parents seem to check their kids social media. But lots of kids also do things to make these checks invalid. For example I have just read a teenager who has been advised by another teenager to create a second instagram account that is their real account, and post inane stuff on the first account their parent checks. And snapchat, telegram, wickr were invented for this reason, so that messages are deleted after they have been read and parents can not check what their kids are saying.

So do you really think you will know what your kids are up to on social media if you check their phones regularly?

I am pretty sure my DC could.

The deal is that I have all passwords and can access their phone to check if ever I want, up to age 16. But that's a symbolic choice of age, as I expect they can be up to all sorts of stuff online somehow if that's what they want to do.

i rarely check. And if I do it's to see roughly what current interests are, and that most of their friends are people I've heard of (from school or clubs) and they post like normal teens do. It's not and never will be full policing.

But it has the potential to spark interesting conversations (just like watching Love Island with an older teen does).

You just have to hope, by the teen years, that they have really internalised everything you have been teaching them about online security (the whole gamut) from a very early age.

Yes I think the solution is what you teach them and that they can trust you enough to talk to you about any issues they have. I really don't think checking phones will help for most tech savvy kids.

I really think we are mad as a society to give children phones. They’re not good for them, and yes, they will use them to get themselves into worse trouble than they would have done otherwise. Wait until 16 - why the hell not?

My dc can't download any apps without me approving them (ask to buy, on iPhone). I also have it set so the history can't be deleted and there is no private browsing. Obviously that doesn't mean I can see everything on snapchat but I think I see enough, for his age anyway.

I have full access to my DC devices, and they don't know I check! I mean, they know it's a possibility, as it's a condition of them having devices, but I never check in front of them. I also do it sporadically, so they can't anticipate when I'll check, in case they do know, and just pretend they don't!
They could circumnavigate my checks, but having seen some of the messages they send/receive (minor swearing - teens - mostly gossip) I'm pretty sure I see their main accounts.
I have to hope my parenting is robust enough that should they encounter a situation they can't deal with, they approach me and ask for help. When it comes down to it, my job is to help them become independent adults, so I have to trust them, and that I've done enough.

This is why it's a good idea to keep as up to date as you can on new technology and new social media platforms. Just a case of thinking outside the box I suppose. I tell mine not to try and outsmart me

I tell my kids (well, just the one now as eldest is 20) that I will be checking and if I was to find just one thing that betrayed my trust in him, all devices will be removed.

We also regularly chat about what's allowed and what isn't. I'll report back in five years time if its worked