AIBU to not understand why people won't divulge age?

[Downunderduchess]

I don't get it, so many people go all coy & mysterious when the subject of age comes up and it's not because I'm younger than them, the ones that do it are all roughly I think around my age (52). It's such a privilege to grow old. Obviously it doesn't affect me on any significant level but it puzzles me.

Because people are weird.

Why do you ask people their age?

Because people judge you by your age.

Personally I give no shits about my age.

I find it odd too. There is someone at my work who won't tell anyone her age and rarely gives anything away that night give you a hint of what it might be. Not sure why! Each to their own I suppose but I don't understand why people are secretive about it.

Because once you hit middle age (I am roughly the same age as you) people make a whole shit-load of assumptions about you. About your politics, your level of enthusiasm for your work, your interest in getting out and about...

Because women have been socialised to think that youth/ a youthful appearance is the major contribution they make to the world and their relationships, whereas male age is associated with power and authority.

I am currently reading a novel in which a 20 year old American has a heated sexual affair with a 70 year old Parisian politician. A reverse is inconceivable.

@HoppingPavlova just when it comes up in conversation, it's not something I go around asking but when getting to know people, work colleagues etc. When someone is having a birthday!

Rather proud of mine. 59 and most are surprised when they find out. Have team members of 20 who say, but you act younger than my mum. As they are the eldest in family I find that surprising because my youngest is 21 and I think having dc late is one of the things that has kept me young.

Have you seen the ageism that turns up here on MN from time to time? All older people voted for Brexit, all older people had it easy buying a house, all older people got a free university education, all older people are rolling in money ..... If someone can pass for ten years younger in person and be almost any age online, why open themselves up to poor treatment?

I don't mind revealing my age if someone asks, but I have to work it out first. I stopped remembering after turning 40.

@WhateverHappenedToMe - I hadn't thought about some of those points you mention. I'm in Australia & I can see how historically it's been one rule for men (silver fox, statesmen like etc.) and another for women (past her prime, mutton...), I would like to think we are a bit over that but I concede we have a way to go. Maybe the millenials will have a different approach?

@Downunderduchess

I have no idea why people are so touchy and weird in real life, because you know someone's age by looking at them. Almost everyone looks their age (within 3-5 years either way,) and very few people look younger than their age anyway.

Online I rarely tell my age, as it hardly ever comes up, and as a pp said, you do get judged; old people are brexity bigots, racists, entitled, loaded, 'stole the future of the young' blah blah blah...

In reality many people I know 50-65 ish, are JAMS (in the 'just about managing' group,) and many of them are having to work all the hours God sends to meet mortgage payments, bills, council tax payments, car-running costs etc etc, whilst often putting at least 2 kids through uni. And many of them will be working til 67-70.

People I know who are older than that (65 +) are OK, often have the house paid for, and not destitute, but they are not rolling in money.

Going back to the people being secret about age thing... Not everyone is coy about it, and wants you to 'GUESS' their age!!! It always makes me laugh when someone asks you to guess their age, because you KNOW it's because they think they look younger than their age, and they are expecting you to think so too.

One woman asked me the other week, and I thought she looked 48-49. I didn't want to offend her so I knocked 3 or 4 years off. I said '45-46?' She was 43, and was massively offended that I said 45-46...

'For God's sake' she said, 'I obviously don't look 45-46, everyone else thinks I am in my thirties. In fact, someone thought me and my daughter were sisters who were roughly the same age the other week!' (Her daughter is 19, and she is 43. They do NOT look 'roughly the same age, and they DO look a generation apart!)

Hilarious!

I spent many years as a reporter for a local newspaper and - as you probably know - newspapers are obsessed with including how old the people you quote are. Mary Blogs, 53, of Acacia Avenue said: "I was shocked when I witnessed XXXX terrible road traffic accident etc." Apparently, it's an identification thing, so readers would't mix that Mary Blogs up with another Mary Blogs, who is aged 59.

But honestly, I've had people absolutely refusing point blank to tell me their age. Men and women. I ended up just saying that my boss would insist I put an age in the story, and I'd just have to make one up if they wouldn't tell me. That usually did the trick!

Because once you hit middle age (I am roughly the same age as you) people make a whole shit-load of assumptions about you. About your politics, your level of enthusiasm for your work, your interest in getting out and about...

Precisely this

I really don’t get it either OP! Your age is something you have absolutely no control over and seems like such a bizarre thing to be coy and mysterious about. I suspect it’s jusf a cultural norm that’s been passed down that nobody really questions. Like you see your mother and grandmother and aunties say things like ‘don’t ever ask a lady her age!’ then find yourself using it too without ever wondering why.

I couldn’t give a toss whether someone knows my age or not. It’s the most boring non-information about someone. People say it’s to do with ageism but I don’t really see that link as plenty of people experience ageism without the perpetrator knowing their exact age, and you can tell by looking at someone whether they’re middle aged or older.

Online and job applications fair enough, but in person when your face is clearly visible, it’s just daft.

But, just to show that I'm not coy, I'm 52. My politics are vaguely left leaning. I fucking love working (check out a previous thread on the subject), I get out and about more than I 'd probably like to, I voted Remain, I remember being quite skint when I bought my house back in 1993, I did have a free (to me) university education for which I'm very grateful', I wouldn't say I'm rolling in it but I'm definitely not short, I don't believe that I stole anything from the younger generation

I used to work with a guy who wouldn’t tell anyone his age but would hint that he was early 30s, said his kids didn’t even know how old he was!
Stop being so fucking precious!

And he was clearly 50s if he was a day. It just made him seem creepy and weird.

I am currently reading a novel in which a 20 year old American has a heated sexual affair with a 70 year old Parisian politician. A reverse is inconceivable

Well we have Emmanuel and Bridget Macron

I dont understand why age is so important to you Op - it's just another way for you to pigeon hole people.

I also don’t really understand it. My Dad used to tell everyone he was younger than he actually was, he did it for years. He said he was 21 until he was about 28 .

Probably because old people are discriminated against and they’re trying to avoid that

@MyOpinionIsValid I didn't say it was important to me, I said I didn't understand why some people are reluctant to state their age, so I suppose you could say it's important to them.

I've never had a problem with people knowing my age, both in RL and on MN.

However, I do get fed up with the awful ageism on here. Apparently on MN someone of my age has to have voted Brexit, is racist and homophobic, etc, etc; no, no and no. I'm none of those things.

My youngest DD has this the other way. She 32, petite, looks young for her age and has 3 young children.

It's not so bad now - she probably looks knackered most of the time - but, my god, the funny sideways looks she used to get when she was 27 and pregnant with her first.