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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The neighbour's TV

18 replies

fonxey · 01/07/2019 08:39

Hi, me and my oh are having a bit of a conundrum.

The short of it is that our neighbors (who are in their 60s at least) have their tv on at night between 11pm to at least 2am and with their window open and ours we can hear it and can't sleep.

The long of it is that we moved in last year (mortgaged not rented) and noticed after a day or so that someone was playing their tv REALLY loud. Last year it was MUCH louder as in it felt like it was in the house with us. Could pretty much hear exactly what was being said.

We'd only just moved in and... We are shy people, just didn't want or first communication with or neighbours being a complaint. So during that heatwave weren't able to open our window at all. Got a dyson fan. I don't think i slept well at all during that period.

Anyway. Wind on a year. We have hardly spoken to them. Not due to avoidance. During the week we leave the house at 630am and often aren't back until 8pm.

They are otherwise good neighbours. No other complaints. I don't hear their tv or them much apart from between 11om and 2am at night! And frankly if it wasn't those hours I wouldn't care.

This year they have turned it down so i reckon someone braver must have had a word. Which makes it more awkward. We can still hear it. It's quieter but it still causes us to not be able to sleep with the window open and it gets hot.

Three only thing they can do is turn it off at 11pm or close their window. But then they will be hot and either they use the tv to get to sleep or they are just night birds. And the trouble is, i have looked up and you can see quite clearly the TV which is huge, is right in the window space (sort of a small boxy bay window). So naturally the sound just goes out through the window.

As i said they are older people. We have spoken to the husband more often and I've hardly seen the wife. I can't quite be certain of her name though.

Anyway, she seemed rather on the anxious side when we did meet her. We'd popped around to introduce ourselves. She kind of insinuated she didn't want a... Close relationship with neighbours. I dunno. Like she said she wasn't the type to be calling out hello over the garden fence or something. It was a little weird the way she said it. Very anxious, she was shaking a little. Anyway it appeared to me she might have a few health issues.

Anyway. It's just got to the point where i think we should at least say something. But we feel awkward. I don't want to upset them but i do think having your tv audible between those hours is a little unreasonable. It probably doesn't effect anyone else than is now they've turned it down. But it also isn't fair on us that we have to sleep in a hot room where we don't get good sleep and have to go to work early in the morning.

Anyway. Here is the other thing.

I want to write a nice polite note and post it to them. Because i think then we get to say what we feel more sussinctly and it gives a little bit of distance and time for them to digest it.

But my oh wants to go around himself and talk to them face to face.

But i know him! He'll never say everything. It'll come across in a clipped manner. Not because he's rude, he's just... Well not forthright and trends to mumble. He works in software engineering so is much more used to ordered, logical and numerical thinking and is much better at talking about work stuff with people than normal stuff.

So i know he won't say everything correctly, he never really leaves openings for further conversation sometimes. I dunno. I'm not saying I'm much better, but i do actually work with the general public so used to talking to a wider range of people not just other boffs.

Anyway i just think a note is less in your face, doesn't put people in any awkward positions where they have to say something now and allows them to think on it.

Also it means that they don't get to just say no so easily because of they do start with the excuses or whatever my oh will just not know how to react.

If i did it f2f I'm sure i'd probably do a better job. But my social anxiety plays up then (I'm better socially than my oh but have anxiety, he didn't have so much anxiety but is crap socially lol) and i don't want to do it that way anyway.

But i don't want to let my oh do all the talking. Because i think... It's just be weird especially on the doorstep.

We could invite them over but after not speaking to them much (just hardly bump into each other) but then... That would i think be awkward to suddenly bring it up in our house. With all our cats running around.

I think the only things we've spoken is to pick up mail we've missed. Although i really have gone to collect as my oh gets home a little before me. And i imagine he never stops to just chat, which is his way.

Although the mail hasn't been going to them lately. Dunno why... Maybe they been refusing it?

Sigh

Are we being unreasonable in the first place? And how should we deal with it? They are seemingly nice people. I don't want to seem like I'm... Lacking sympathy. But they're tv is literally right there by the window. It's about as big as the window itself. Not that I've had a good look. I just looked up once to see where it was coming from and it's a rather obvious big black rectangle.

OP posts:
fonxey · 01/07/2019 08:42

My other concern about f2f is that if we or my oh go over there and the wife answers the door, is that if she is unwell or does suffer from anxiety herself... She might not feel comfortable talking.

OP posts:
Nofilter101 · 01/07/2019 08:47

You are way over thinking this and I only read half the thread. Tell them to turn it down after 11pm or you will make a noise complaint to the police.

Nofilter101 · 01/07/2019 08:47

BTW yabu for over thinking this and letting it go on.

happyhillock · 01/07/2019 08:48

My next door neighbour is the same, she's in her 80's wears a hearing aid but her tv is still blaring, we can hear her tv in bed, we chose not to say anything because of her age and don't want to upset her

ooooohbetty · 01/07/2019 08:50

I'm surrounded by neighbours (flat). If you don't want to say anything I'd advise earplugs or noise cancelling headphones.

Applejack5 · 01/07/2019 08:50

A loud TV right by an open window late at night is clearly unreasonable when you have close neighbours. They may not realise how loud it is or how much the sound carries though.

I agree you're overthinking it. If you feel comfortable talking to them I'd pop round and mention it, if not go for the note and see what happens.

Good luck!

Finfintytint · 01/07/2019 08:50

It doesn’t have to be a long conversation. “Please turn your tv down after 11pm”.
It’s the council you would complain to not the police btw.

Cassort · 01/07/2019 09:01

Lol - what a kerfuffle you've made this out to be.
Just pop over, ring the door-bell and say - 'Sorry to disturb you, but with the warm weather now, we need to leave our bedroom window open at night and unfortunately the volume of your TV is quite loud so we can't sleep - would you mind turning the volume down after x time?'
End of drama

brainfrying · 01/07/2019 09:08

I can see why you need advice on how to write a succinct note. I personally think face to face is better try knocking first and if no answer stick a note through saying, 'we can hear your TV through your open window, can you turn it down after 11pm, please?'

crustycrab · 01/07/2019 09:13

Just ask them if they'd turn it down after 11 while the weather is warmer or buy some earplugs. Don't put a note through.

grolly · 01/07/2019 09:14

Just go and talk to them. End of.

Your post was painful to read so I don't think you'd be sensible to leave a note.

fonxey · 01/07/2019 09:22

@ooooohbetty I've tried those, bit i can't sleep with ear plugs. I don't much like going to sleep with music either (which if we did would cause the same issue going the other way). Basically i can't sleep unless i have quiet.

I know it's be a lot easier to just go over and say something. If it was a young person or wouldn't be such an issue.

I guess I'm over thinking it cos i just don't want to cause an issue or offense and I'm not going to go to the council. I doubt they'd do anything unless it was over a certain db and besides that's just unpleasant.

They've already turned it down is the thing... Now we'd be asking them to turn it off/shut their window. Obvs we should have said something least year.

Maybe wait until the husband gets back from walking the dog in the evening? I only see him go out ever and he always walks the dog at about 10pm. Or write a note... Which in my case would probably be hugely long winded lol. See your point.

I just feel bad. They've obvs installed a nice big tv for a reason probably to sit up watching it until 2am!

OP posts:
crustycrab · 01/07/2019 09:25

Shut your window? The weather has taken a turn here anyway

Malbecfan · 01/07/2019 09:29

The trouble with a note is that it can be read in different ways. Sarcasm is not obvious and humour may be misplaced. A face to face chat is much better, if you can manage it.

The responses above are fine. Apologise for having to ask and say it isn't an issue when the windows are closed, but during the hot weather it is really loud. If they can't turn it down after 11pm, would they like you/DH to show them how to use the subtitles as an alternative? Polite and cordial is the tone to adopt. No hand-wringing or long explanations as they'll think you are a soft touch. Good luck

chuttypicks · 01/07/2019 09:30

Maybe they've got somewhere else in their bedroom that they could put the tv so the sound wouldn't carry out of the window so much. Explain the issue to them and they might be happy to either turn it down or move it. You're making a mountain out of a molehill.

fonxey · 01/07/2019 09:45

But the thing is they have already turned it down. It was admit 90x louder last year. Now it feels unreasonable to ask them to turn it off/move tv (it is massive more like one you'd have in your living room but bedroom). If they're room is similar to ours (we live in a semi where their house is slightly different but mostly the same) then they won't have anywhere else to put it other than there. The previous owners of our house had a small tv in the alcove of the fitted wardrobes which would probably be fine.

My oh and i are not confrontational people is the problem. I don't want to get stressed and come across as abrupt. (Yes, i can be abrupt, not always this long winded).

Anyway i guess the best way is to catch the husband as the wife took fright even when just introducing ourselves.

OP posts:
fonxey · 01/07/2019 09:46

Thanks guys by the way.. haha i know i can be long winded. But best to gnaw your ears off than theirs. Grin

OP posts:
bellabasset · 01/07/2019 09:47

Older person here with noisy neighbours who had taken speakers in the garden and had Rap music on at the weekend . My usual way of dealing with it is to put on loud music so they turn theirs down. Didn't work so blew my stack and was told they wanted to chill. My reply is unprintable.

I've checked noise nuisance with the local council so this is what I would do in your situation, speak go them and get advice. As it's consistent I would let the council deal with it. I would just say the neighbours are unapproachable.

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