To ask what makes you feel safe?

[GroEgg2000]

DP is away tonight for the first time since moving home. Our old home had good security features and was a bungalow so I could see our front door from the bedroom and in a quiet area. We have since moved to a house with our bedroom (that we share with our 6 month old) at the back of the house, furthest from the door and no way of seeing it. We also have a back door here.

It probably sounds silly but I find this a lot more scary than previous nights alone. It's only the second one since having our first DC and the first one in a while and in the new house.

So, what do you all do to keep/feel safe? I've got DC next to me, the doors locked and all windows except in the bedroom shut. Light on in the hallway and we don't have pets to warn me. Sorry if I sound pathetic, I just can't seem to stop worrying!

I check all the doors/ windows are locked to reassure myself

We had PIL’s car on our drive for ages which I liked as it made it look like we had lots of visitors
I like to draw all blinds and keep a random light on
Use the Echo for music
I have an over active imagination-I find the best thing to do is watch something banal or cheesy eg a cheesy film to take my mind off it

I got the wrong end of the stick and was going to say money!

Now I see what you mean, the answer is two bolts on the front door, a Ring doorbell, and the porch light on.

Plus a snoring DH next to me, fat lot of good he'd be in a break in!

You will be ok, it’s all in your mind, if the house is securely locked up all will be well. I have gone to sleep leaving front door wide open and nothing happened. It’s ok. Your ok.

@thecompanyplonker The doors and windows are definitely all good. Checked them last thing before coming up to bed.

@Siameasy Thank you! Going to catch up on some tv I've missed recently I think. Though I am knackered!

You don't sound pathetic at all!
I hate being in the house alone over night. I check all downstairs windows are shut and locked, back door and front door locked and chain on. I have been known to check these multiple times and leave the upstairs hall light on.
It's crazy what a change in situation does because when we lived in our flat I was fine with him gone, I loved having the bed to myself, now, I hate it.

Ok, so is your bedroom above the back door? You would be able to hear and feel the vibration if it was opened/closed/knocked.

Similarly, although you can't see it, can you hear the front door from your room?

I think part of feeling safe is knowing your environment, the sounds as well as sights. Then you know what's normal and safe, and have the awareness of what you'd hear or see if anything changed.

It's normal to feel apprehensive, especially as the methods that made you feel safe before don't work here - so build new ones instead of focusing on losing the old ones.

Another way to look at this is that you're elevated in a position of safety with more warning than if you were in the line of sight of the door.

What specifically are you worried about? Have a contingency plan and then set it aside.

Once you've made sure you actually are safe, have familiarised yourself and found cues to make things feel safe, you do need to be firm with reminding yourself that whilst your feelings are understandable you are safe.

Don't feed your fears or you'll never be able to feel calm and safe in this position.

@Ivegotthree Money would for me too I reckon! Unfortunately we had bolts at the old place but not here yet.

@Orangeballon Thank you! You're totally right, it's no more likely something will happen tonight than any other night and we'll be okay. I just need to switch my imagination off a bit...

I second the poster who said about watching something lighthearted.
Checking the locks.
Having mobile phone fully charged and right by me
Knowing where keys are in specific place

Hope your night goes OK!

@BobTheFishermansWife Thank you! And that's exactly it. When on one level I could get out through a window if need be and it felt very safe and I loved hogging the bed too. Now it just feels odd and s bit worrying! I know it's because this is new to me but it's hard to ignore the creepy feeling that something might happen.

@sevenoftwelve I'd probably only hear the back door over DC's white noise machine but you're right. I'm a lot safer in some ways and need to focus on that. I think we need to get some extra security measures here soon and I need to stop worrying so much!

When my dh used to occasionally work away I used to put a few empty glass bottles by the door. I thought the clatter would shock any intruder and wake me up.

Note: this isn’t a good idea to do if you have a cat

Moving from a tiny flat in which I could genuinely leave the front door wide open without incident, to a huge three storey house this month.
My partner is away 5 days a week and I’m quite a paranoid person 😂
Not that he will be much help if anyone were to break in, but I’ll have my cat in bed with me every night and probably get a lock on my bedroom door!

I don’t ever have this issue, I’m happy alone, but if I’m feeling anxious about other things I read a book I already know. A gentle book, a light hearted or a detail orientated book to distract me either with a smile or to fill my brain with other things.

Don't know if this helps or not really but you can get upstairs window rope ladders from places like B&Q. Intended as for fire escape, but if being able to hypothetically flee via windows made you feel better before...!

Don't read any woo threads.

TV on with a familiar and light hearted programme that I've watched 600 times before. A Harry potter book in bed with me (just with me, I don't usually read it) on very bad nights. That's how I feel safe at night.

My 2 massive German shepherds

Phillips Hue light bulbs I can control from my phone/Echo. If I hear a noise I put a light on.
Ring doorbell.
Door wedge to slow down anyone trying to break into my door.
Doors and window locks checked

Wide open garden so we can see anyone approaching.

3 huskies as guard dogs

Pump action shotgun by the bed.

Having said that we never lock the doors, and leave windows open

This is jokey really, I feel a bit paranoid tonight,as just read on laptop news,that a 9 ft python snake has escaped from a house in Cambridge area. police tweeted about it. But I live about 60 miles from there ha ha. I am going to lock the cat flap now !

Check everything is shut/locked (obviously) then I usually get ready for bed early (as I feel safer in bed than out in the living room watching tv!) and go on social media/mumsnet/YouTube to distract myself till I fall asleep.

I also keep the bathroom light on and a living room light on so it's not pitch black! (We're in a flat)

I don't really get scared at night. I live where my nearest neighbours are over the road and across a field and it's lovely and peaceful, no street lights so good visibility most nights in the starlight. I just lock the windows and doors, then go to bed, though I have been known to leave the back door unlocked for a couple of days by accident. Goodness knows why a bloke in the house would make me more safe though having one of my dogs sleeping against my back does make me more content. I'm more worried about the house when I'm out.

I got a dog.

But before that double check all the locks and leave a light on downstairs as well as a porch light.
DH works away a lot and it's usually just me and the children.