Not to have told DS1's classmates that his birthday party is shared with DS2?

[BloodyMaud]

Basically DS1 is 5 and DS2 is 2 within days of each other. They are having a joint party at a soft play- we've invited some family/ family friends to 'DS1 and DS2's birthday party', DS1's class to 'DS1's birthday party' and a couple of DS2's little friends from the childminder to 'DS2's birthday party'. Now my mother has had a rant at me saying she'd be mortified if she was one of the parents who turned up and only brought a present for DS1. But that was the whole point - I didn't want anyone to feel like they had to get something for both of them when they only know one of them. And DS2 won't care - he'll just be thrilled to get some presents from the people who do know him and join in with the candle blowing etc. But now I'm wondering if I've committed some party etiquette faux pas...

I'd do the same as you. By telling them it's putting parents under pressure to buy 2 presents. They're invited for your son, not your daughter. You've done nothing wrong. Don't tell them.

I don't think you have done anything wrong at all. If you had told DS1's friends, the mums (most likely!) would be stressing about whether to buy something for DS2 or not and, most probably, not wanting to but feeling obliged.

I did a joint party for ds (11) and dd (7) I didn't tell the parents it was joint, there was no need.

I once went to a joint party for twins and their younger sister, I took a present for all 3, despite dd only being in the class with one of the twins (the 2nd goes to a different school), but she also knew the younger one as they had done a year together in the nursery, so slightly different - but an unknown sibling I wouldn't take a present.

No, you've done exactly the right thing. My DD shares a bday with another friend and they often had shared parties (to spread the cost). Although the invitations said to x and y's party, we were always careful to mention that a particular friend was coming as X's or y's friend, so that they knew they didn't have to get 2 gifts.

I think the parents will thank you, ignore your mum 😉