He's going on 14 (Yr 8) and the eldest of 4. Has always been a sensible, emotionally switched on and responsible lad. He babysits for us for a couple of hours max if we go to the local (5 min walk, 2 min run away) and we're home before 9pm. He hit puberty and we lost him. Moody, critical and opting out of family life. We gave him a hard time about playing on devices and staying in his room. Now he's gone 180 and wants to be out all the time at weekends, 10.30am-7.30pm and that's not even really enough. Spending his birthday money on food and snacks (3 meals and nearly £20 one day) and just seems to think he's an adult and can do as he pleases. He's critical of his siblings and quite negative when he's here. Either in his room on device or watching Netflix (not even checking if films are OK now). This is all new to us, we're used to little people. We're firm parents, quite trad and have raised polite, well-adjusted and responsible kids. For context, we're also fairly youngish and they have good experiences, we're not boring!
I want to get this right, and set safe boundaries and expectations but feel like I'm feeling around in the dark on this one. I don't want to lose him either way; by letting him go awol OR being so strict we push him away. We just had a chat and told him we'll be setting some rules and he needs to think what's fair so hopefully we can agree on some. It seems he thinks he's an adult and can come and go without a care (he does ask and DOES come home when asked but he clearly doesn't see a problem and with being out all day between towns on his bike etc etc). Plus he needs to still be part of our family and stop opting out of spending time with us all. He's right, I moaned whn he was in and I moan when he's out. Just don't know how to navigate this stage. Any wisdom?!