To seriously consider this...

[splishandsplash]

Currently have my wedding booked for next year, looking to cost a fair amount which we are being gifted 2/3s of the cost.
We found out we are pregnant and since have spoken to family who think we should postpone the wedding and take the money we were going to be gifted and move from our 2 bed flat into a house it would mean moving 10 miles from family whilst we are currently only 5 miles but it would give us a garden and a lot more space AIBU to suggest to DHTB that we should cancel the wedding take the money, and move and then have a small registry office wedding with a meal with immediate family to celebrate? Do you think I'll feel cheated of my wedding day or would you do the same?

I agree with your family. You would still be married at the end of the day, but ensuring that your little family has a better home. I would definitely do that.

Are the family who think you should move the same people who've gifted you the money? If not, how will the money gifters feel about you using the money this way?

If they (whoever they are) are happy, then I'd 1000000% go for it. A good wedding day is great. But imho its significance diminishes with time and perspective. Your relationship and family are the important bits.

You'll still have your wedding day. You're not being cheated of it and, having spent a ridiculous amount on our wedding, I maintain that if we did it again I'd have spent hardly anything because it's just one day.

Your home will be your child's first home; go for the space, the garden and the smaller wedding.

I'd want to be married more than have the wedding, but depends on your priorities tbh

Assuming that those who have given you the money are the same people suggesting this then I think it's an extremely sensible suggestion. A wedding day would be there and gone again but you will really value a comfortable home with your new baby.

A wedding does not make a marriage.

Yes it is the same family offering to gift the money for the wedding that are suggesting cancelling/postponing.
To move it would wipe all our savings out which is why I'm thinking registry office and a meal. Husband to be just wants me to have what makes me happy but I feel guilty suggesting the change as I feel like he might secretly want the big wedding 😩

I know a wedding doesn't make a marriage and I personally would just take the money and move I just don't want to upset anyone?
It's my family suggesting it but I worry his family won't understand why.. maybe I'm over thinking

Sounds like a good idea to me. It's sensible, and while sensible is generally considered to be the most boring thing ever, you immediately become 75% more sensible when a baby pops into the equation.

You'll look back and think thank goodness we followed their advice, I loved my intimate charming stress-free wedding and I love my big house and the garden my baby is happily toddling around. You won't look back and think I wish I'd had a massive party.

Congratulations and good luck whatever you decide!

Do your plan and then throw a massive party on a wedding anniversary where your dc will be able to enjoy it with you 😊😊

I don't think any sane person would grudge you the security of your own home over what is essentially a posh party.
You will have just as special a day whether you spend £100 or 1000x that.
What will make your wedding is knowing that the people who are there are there because they love you and want to see you happy and share a very special moment with you and your HTB.
(We spent around £500 on our wedding almost 20 years ago and our family still talk about what a great party it was.)
Just be upfront with everyone and do what you think is right for you.

I think it makes complete sense to use it for a family home. Plus added benefit that the family who gifted it to you will continue to see you enjoying their generosity rather than just seeing it for one day.

As for the wedding, I suppose it depends how expensive expensive is. Dh and I had a wonderful day at a beautiful venue which was basically a blank canvas that we organised everything for ourselves... could a small scale something like that work? Otherwise some registry offices are beautiful and have lovely grounds, then something small as a reception? Easy to say but as long as you have your dhtb and loved ones there then the day can be perfect however it's set out.

Congratulations on the pregnancy.

It's such a good idea to move and have a smaller wedding - a few years later, you'll not really care about your wedding too be frank, and you'll still be enjoying your horse and garden.

You’ll still be married, you’ll still have your day (albeit on a different scale), but you’ll have a lovely family home on which to grow your new family. You’ll possibly never have the chance of such a financial help for years. I’d spent it on a forever investment that will grow rather than one fairy tale day.

Laughing at Cuppa’s post about the horse and garden, because I had a smaller wedding and bought a horse with the money (who I’m still enjoying a decade later!)

I always wonder how "we are pregnant" works. I definitely remember doing it all on my own

You are being practical and sensible. You are thinking about the well being of your child instead of a one-day big party blowout. Registry office wedding, a new house, and maybe a baby shower instead of a bridal shower? Being married before the baby comes is a good idea too.

I'd take a house over a huge wedding any day. Go for it.

I loved my wedding day, but I wouldn't want to sacrifice it for a bigger house! If it's the person gifting you the money suggesting it, they won't take offence.

Do a bit of soul searching first though - we can't tell you whether you'll regret it. Do you want to have a big celebration (let's face it, it's one of the few reasons we have to have a big party) or do you want to get married rather than have a wedding? And make sure your DH does the same.

Very sensible to have the small wedding and use the money for a house.

However, you mention that you would move 10 miles away from family. Your two bed flat would be fine a for a couple of years, so if you stay put for now and save up could you buy a house nearer to family in a couple of years?

Definitely the house.

It will be wonderful security for your family, you can get just as excited for it as a wedding, and it will last longer than that one day - and DC will definitely appreciate a family home more!

My parents got married on a small scale - registry office; meal with close family (both families relatively small, so not many guests overall); all of their children there (youngest under 2), and it was wonderful. Less stress, and the most important thing was that they were married, and surrounded by other people they loved.

don't suggest.

Talk to him

talk about the options

decide between you