To be so worried about the christening

[user1496231209]

I don't know what to do and I'm at such a loss I t really need advice and please be kind.

I'll try and keep it short but it's a little on the long side. When my DD was 6 weeks old, her dad took her for contact and didn't return her for 3 hours after the agreed time. He left me and my DS stood at a train station and proceeded to verbally abuse me after he found out I called the police after 2.5 hours and not hearing from him.

Following this he made numerous malicious allegations to social services, the police and my health visitor. He also made malicious allegations against me and tried to get a non-mil against me. He harassed me with silent phone calls and it's been through family court now where there is a child arrangements order and prohibited steps order in place preventing him from removing her from my care.

Okay so now I'm planning her christening and I'm at a total loss what to do. My big brother is to be godfather but I think he would genuinely kill him along with my dad if they saw him after what he's put me through. Equally, I'm confident that his mum was working with him to try and get DD removed from me.

I'm civil with her dad purely for my own sanity and for our DD. However, he still terrifies me and what he might do in the future to hurt me again.

What do I do? It's so important to me that she's christened and that my family are present and I'm too scared of him to try and argue.

Please help

Do not tell/invite him, just have your family there; he’s not welcome. Why would you even consider including him?

Just don't tell him and go ahead get your daughter christened. . Does your ex have parental responsibility?

He does have parental responsibly and that was the plan, to do it without him knowing but I'm terrified he'll find out and resume his campaign against me 😣

Do you need his permission? If not then just do it on the quiet.

I don't want him involved at all but he's already made a big deal of two of his friends being godparents and the christening. If he finds out he'll use fact he has parental responsibility and I've alienated him to drag me back to court

Honestly at this point unless you can genuinely do it without needing to consult him (legally I mean, I haven’t a clue but perhaps you could consult someone official about this?) I would wait to christen your baby.
Could you perhaps have a blessing on / after a regular Sunday service?
If you feel this will kick off all the trouble again (and you’re not confident that it won’t be found out) then I would just wait, I understand it’s important to you but for the sake of your safety and sanity perhaps waiting a few years is worth it. Maybe by then there can be a mutual understanding between the families that it’s for LO, or perhaps if you’re lucky he’ll get run over by a bus by then?! Sorry, not sorry
Good luck with whatever you choose to do

Do not invite him. Even if he retaliated the law is now 100% on your side which they might not have been the first time.

Is the ex DP the same religion?
He can't really drag you back to court if you arrange the christening of the child into a mutual religion, I wouldn't have thought.

I'm terrified as I had a bad experience with cafcass at the last hearing who were completely on his side saying he only tried to remove her the once and not since (purely because there was no contact and it's been supervised the past 6 weeks)

They wanted the PSO removed and replaced with an undertaking. I know he'll use the fact he has a right to a say in religious ceremony's against me due to his PR

You can have a christening with 4 people. Do not draw any hassle on yourself.

You can have a christening with just you and the baby.

What is your main motivation for having the christening? Is it primarily social (a family party around your baby), cultural (wearing the family gown, reciprocating godparentage), or religious?
If it is religious, you can probably have it done with just you, the baby and a member of the clergy - only God and the baby have to know really, and if your ex does it again on his time it won't harm the baby.

Me exh had my dc baptised behind my back. Court gave zero fucks.
And when I say my dc I mean mine - not ours....

So let him do it first. Then have your own duplicate ceremony later.

I'd leave it for a while when your ex has got christenings out of his brain and then do it quietly after a Sunday service.

Or I would wait until the child is older and able to choose for herself. If your dd doesn't want to be christened when older, she'll be taking away the power of control from her father. That would be amazing. The christening issue for your ex is about power & control, I'd wait until everyone is calm before making a decision.

I do Admin work for a Church and the Vicar I work for wouldn't do this Christening without the consent of both Parents, weather they are together or not. So I'd say the first thing you need to do is speak with the Church/Vicar you are wanting to use and see what they say. If they won't do it without the Dad's consent, then it's made the decision for you. Good luck!

Or I would wait until the child is older and able to choose for herself. If your dd doesn't want to be christened when older, she'll be taking away the power of control from her father. That would be amazing. The christening issue for your ex is about power & control, I'd wait until everyone is calm before making a decision.*

OP has already said it's important to her that DDis christened she doesn't want to leave it until later.

OP, check the vicar/priest will go ahead, assuming they will then as others have said just do it!

He doesn't need to know or be present.