To say this may be the wrong solution

[WishIWasABaller]

Ok everyone knows how hard it is to brush babies/toddlers teeth, my DD is 14 months and i'm struggling, she has 8 teeth.
At first it was hard, but it was gettin easier, she started to do the motions of brushing while holding the brush, and she would let me do it too, just to make sure they were clean. I tried to make it fun.
3 weeks ago she had hand foot and mouth disease and the inside of her mouth was full of blisters, plus she was teething and a tooth cut through at the same time. She didn't eat for 3 days as it was so painful for her, so obviously would brush her teeth/let me do it either. She's now fine, blisters gone etc but I had to force feed her antibiotics with the syringe. It tasted foul so don't blame her for not wanting it but I think I've created a fear because she will no longer let anyone feed her anything or let me brush her teeth. And she won't put the toothbrush in her mouth either.
I have tried to make it fun again, I've tried puttin songs on about brushing teeth and she smiles and dances etc and she'll do the motions of brushing but only outside of her mouth. If I try to help her gently she waves her arms, shakes her head and starts crying. I spoke to the Dentist and she said I have to be "a little cruel" and wrap her in a towel so her arms are restricted and pin her down and do it this way........ I'm worried this is going to create a fear though? And I don't know if I'm comfortable doing it. I've tried holding her head against my chest and doing it that way but she pushes her lips together tightly. I don't know what to do.
AIBU to think the dentists suggested was terrible and will create more problems and more stress for DD? Or do I have to be cruel, I'm terrified she'll have rotten teeth when she grows!
Any tips would be greatly appreciated

Also sorry if this isn't the place for this post

I’ll be following this post with interest as we have an awkward toddler too! The towel thing does sound a bit extreme...

Pressed enter too soon!

But I guess it’s something that really needs to be done.

Could she try brushing yours for you and then try her own after? Maybe seeing you do it with your own teeth might help? Hope you find a solution that works for you and little one x

My ds hated teeth brushing from an early age. It was always a battle i tried it all........im afraid i would have to do similar with the towel technique. Its 4minutes in total and although was not pleasant i felt it was the only way to keep his teeth clean and having problems!

For what its worth when he was about 4 he started doing it himself-no lasting damage!!

As I understand it, the swaddling trick is used in medical settings at times.

If you're not up for doing that yet...

It might be worth trying taking the pressure off for a few days. Will she accept a toothbrush against her lips, just pressure not brushing her lips obviously?

I wonder if you can de-sensitise her to it by gradually reintroducing and repeating it initially by not trying to force it inside her mouth but just the brush approaching her mouth, touching her lips, pausing and then being removed... Until she can tolerate that happening without becoming distressed and she starts to relax.

Maybe at first just have the toothbrush in your hand while you're cuddling her or doing other things with her without even trying to touch her with it, it's just something you happen to be holding. No big deal.

Once she's calmer with that start allowing it to briefly touch her in a casual, "accidental" and brief way as if you don't even notice you're doing it while you're doing something else.

You want to make it feel calm and safe and nothing like those experiences with the syringe where she was forced to accept it.

I'd expect her to tense up and react at first but then start to relax when she learns nothing bad happens if she accepts the brush. It will take repetition to achieve that because things that haven't felt safe stick with us for longer than experiences of safety. Progress it only once she's visibly calm about the previous step.

Then step up from there to getting her to accept opening her mouth, relaxing, and then the brush being removed without being used... Etc. She needs to learn that you putting things in her mouth doesn't always mean something nasty will follow, so hopefully the experience of the brush just resting in her mouth and being removed would help step towards that. Rather than the first time she opens her mouth you immediately start brushing her teeth.

When you do get as far as brushing, only do it briefly at first and gradually increase what you're doing.

You would need to be calm and relaxed in your body language and tone of voice too. Casual, the brush isn't a big deal and nor is her reaction. She'll pick up on your anxiety or frustration.

If that doesn't work you might have to step up to swaddling and let her relearn that way, but I understand your discomfort and reluctance. I'd want to try habituation first as I'd be worried about reinforcing the idea that having anything in her mouth will be distressing.

It's not an emergency right now for you to be able to brush her teeth so take that pressure away, be creative and see if you can make it feel safe for her again by gradually reintroducing it.

I’m afraid to say we have to do the towel thing with our toddler, he is a massive fruit fiend so I’m scared of not getting his teeth done properly. It’s heartbreaking everyday but there is nothing else that works, I’m hoping it will be a phase.

I’m due on maternity leave soon so I’m hoping i’ll have a bit more mental capacity to come up with a clever and kinder approach

Someone should invent dentastix for babies.

I wouldn’t be be following the dentists advice for exactly the reasons you state OP.

I’m wondering if you could build up access to her teeth in steps.

1. feed her something tasty from your fingers. While in the bathroom. Some yoghurt?
2. switch to a nice tasting baby toothpaste.
3. switch from fingers to toothbrush but no brushing! Just letting her eat the toothpaste off it.
4. gently start moving the toothbrush slightly.

Alternatively try gently brushing her teeth when she is asleep.

Thanks for the replies everyone!

@BKJ89 she actually brushes my teeth and enjoys it, if I give her her toothbrush then she tries to brush my teeth, so I let her and then say good girl and tell her to do it to herself, she'll put the toothbrush in her mouth, suck it for a second and then take it out, if I go to tough the toothbrush while it's in her mouth then she freaks out.

@sevenoftwelve this sounds like it could work, I'm going to try it! Thank you, you sound like a pro

@JoxerGoesToStuttgart omg yes, maybe YOU should, great dragons den idea
I'm going to try that too.

Poor DD the whole HFM THING can be horrible!!

The swaddling thing really isn’t as bad as it sounds. It does work and I’ve never know kids to suffer from it (many of them in their 30’s now a couple in their 30’s

The biggest reason for general anesthetics in children....broken bones? Appendicitis? Tonsils? Nope it's teeth extraction!
The dentist is saying 'be cruel to be kind'. And swaddling (not straight jacketing them).
Obviously do it as kindly and gently as possible. But it's a must.
Many parents try to avoid the fuss, I totally get it, but their kids end up with their teeth extracted :( My nephew is 5yrs old, and had 8 teeth (2 on each side, top and bottom) removed this year.

OP clearly want whats best, keep persevering

My daughter is now 3 and is only in the last 6 months that she will brush her teeth/let me help.

I started using the finger brushes on her with just water after her meals, graduated that to a baby toothbrush with water and then a a fruity toothpaste for one brush and water for the other brush at night. By then she liked the taste so we do toothpaste. Now she brushes as I do so she can copy me and then I do a brush of the back teeth to make sure she's not missed any as she likes to do the front few only.

These are the finger brushes I mean
Safe Baby Finger Silicon Toothbrush Toddler Soft Clear Oral Massager Set of 5 www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01M6BZIO3/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_YRsgDbSD45KX4?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Try and electric toothbrush quick and easy. I give my daughter her own toothbrush with a little bit of toothpaste on it for her to brush and I use the electric toothbrush on her works well and no fuss and does the job

One of my biggest regrets is not ‘forcing’ my oldest DD to let me brush her teeth. I thought it would traumatise her but at 4 she needed extractions and this also affected her adult teeth. She still struggles to maintain brushing her teeth as an adult and I blame myself (because it is my fault, I know it is) I never made the same mistake again. Bottom line is her teeth must be brushed properly.

New toothbrush either one she chooses or a singing toothbrush (yes they are a thing)
Strawberry flavoured toothpaste - you can even get the glittery kind
Tell her you can see Pocoyo in her mouth (or whatever character she likes) and they need a wash
Take her to dentist for check up - pre arrange they tell her she has shiny starry teeth the tooth fairy will love 4 years from now - then thereafter tell her you need to keep them clean or they will fall out/they won't be shiny stars anymore/the tooth fairy cannot use them for her palace/teeth necklaces
Sticker/star chart and egg timer for how long you brush for
Brush with water first then paste then water again

Restraining (partner) needed and just making her have it, sorry

All the above used for a child suspected to be on autism spectrum with pathological demand avoidance.
We did used to have to restrain when smaller.
They are fine now - very supportive dentist goes overboard with flattery which we remind him of

Can you use electric toothbrushes on under 2's? I'm sure I looked and it said for age 2+ I suppose it doesn't really matter does it?
My DD Has been for her check up with the dentist but as she's so little she's not really interested in what the dentist is saying haha.

BUT this morning I took her out of the shower, wrapped the towel around her so her arms were restrained and sat her on my knee, she opened her mouth and let me brush her teeth, only for a couple seconds at a time but it's an improvement! Will try again before bed and see how she is again

Yanbu. I'm sorry but I'd advocate for the swaddling and getting on with it even if it is distressing for all involved. Teeth matter. Had my toddler niece been left to her own devices she'd never sleep because she'd rather watch Peppa Pig on her iPad whilst eating Haribos. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.

What @VladmirsPoutine said.

It’s a non negotiable and with my second I’m far less concerned about causing long term problems. I pin my nearly 18 month down and just try to make it as least distressing as possible. I sing to her or pull funny faces as I’m doing it. She squeals, cries and tries to escape every time but they need doing and I don’t have time to mess about. We try her on our laps every now and again and tell her she can just sit and do it nicely but it hasn’t yet worked. It’s not nice but I’d rather that than any decay or tooth issues.

@WishIWasABaller - that's great progess! As she does now seem to be letting you in why don't you buy a sticker book and bribe her. Tell her she gets a sticker if you manage to count up to ten whilst brushing her teeth. The first time you do it count really quickly - ok, you won't get much brushed but she'll realise she doesn't have to do it for very long. Each time you brush them slow down your counting, so you're gradually managing to do them for longer each time. Then, if she gets all stickers in a week let her choose a small toy at the weekend.

Good luck!

Swaddling covers so many things. It's the only way we've ever got meds into all our animals and my SIL had to adopt it with DN too.

Good luck