To want another solution - work, and DC illness?

[iambouddica]

Last year I returned to work after being a SAHM for 4 years. I work a couple of days a week but they now want me to take up more hours. I would like to do this. I have been lucky to get back into a niche professional role which I want to pursue long term.

My DC2 (almost 4) has been poorly on and off for a while, even on my part time hours it has been a struggle to manage it. Unfortunately, what was being put down to a run of viruses etc, is now thought to be a chronic auto-immune issue. He is ill for 4-5 days every 4 weeks or so. Even when well he gets tired easily and will struggle with full time nursery.

Both my and DH’s work have been understanding but continuing to take this much time off is not sustainable. If it continues we have to prioritise DHs work as it pays 4 times what mine does. (Mine really only covers the cost of childcare...)

Has anyone had this situation? Do I speak to my work and explain and try to come to some flexible working arrangement? ( not easy - I’m customer facing so they can’t just save work up till I can get back). Should I just try to struggle on and see if it things improve (one we get a firm diagnosis I hope there might be medication which will improve things).Or should I accept that I will have to turn down the extra hours and potentially loose the ones I currently have. Or does anyone lnow of a childcare option for a poorly DC a few days every month? We have know family to help out...

Financially we are fine with me being a SAHM I am just sad to think I might have to leave my amazing job.

Use a child minder

Other than a nanny, I don’t think you’d find childcare for a sick child (and sick children much prefer familiar people rather than strangers, so emergency sitters probably wouldn’t work)

Hi OP

I think there are emergency type childminders for sick kids. Some companies give this as a benefit. I imagine its expensive though and not sure how your son would feel or what the chances are of getting the same sitter regularly.

It might be worth asking on a local parents Facebook page for recommendations

I'd speak to your work if you have a good relationship with them and tell them you're looking into it and see if they have any ideas as well

But dont make any firm decisions about giving up work until you have a diagnosis and have spoken to nursery or school

I'd also speak to nursery or school and explain the situation and see if there is anything that can help - there probably isn't much but they can reinforce their sickness policy and encourage more hand washing etc which might help a bit

A nanny will take care of a sick child.

MyOptions Do you think a childminder would take a child ad hoc? Its not regular enough to book in advance and he is so settled at his nursery that I’d rather not move him. Although he’s poorly and not able to go to nursery he’s not hard to manage and just needs somewhere to veg in front of the TV and regular calpol.

Cressida Unfortunately we can’t stretch to a full time nanny and I’d prefer a regular person not just a temporary sitter.

Could you work from home? I can when my son is ill as he is happy watching TV or reading (and my work support it). But not a chance when my daughter is ill as she likes constant attention!

If the OP is customer facing working from home probably isn't an option.

Yeah I missed that sentence

There are childminders near me who take adhoc days but of course only when they are not ful. To guarantee they've got a place where needed you'd need to book your child in those days regularly. While perhaps quiter than a nursery with having a smaller number of children most I know take the children out to toddler groups, story times etc and therefore still need the children to be well enough to be up and about doing the normal activities. I can't see how it would work to drop in a child who needs a sofa day.

Ha e you spoken to his current nursery about any options there to find him quiet corner for those days he needs it? I wonder if a diagnosis opens any options under reasonable adjustments. Tricky though if hes got a virus he could easily pass on to others though.

It's so much harder when it's not a short term thing. Even if a Nanny was a good option for now it's not realistic for mousy of us to have someone on standby all day when children start school but fro what you Say OP it sounds like he may well need days of school too. Very limited options there in my experience for a quiet day.

Thats a good point about asking nursery to see if they can support him better at school. He’s not contagious to others and he hates missing it all the time. Do you know if schools can give paracetamol or just prescribed meds ( although I could get prescription for paracetamol I suppose?)

He does get very tired though and I really do think I will have to turn down the extra hours. He might be able to struggle through at nursery but he won’t cope with wrap around if he’s ill.

If it continues we have to prioritise DHs work as it pays 4 times what mine does

I don't have a solution to the childcare problem, but I did want you to please, please reconsider this statement.

Lots of women find themselves going down this road - their partner earns more than them, so it seems like a no brainer for the woman to make all the career sacrifices. But this makes it even harder for them to get back into work, lower pension contributions, promotion, etc - these have a massive impact on the rest of their career and in exchange for a few years while their kids are young, they set themselves on a track which will have more and more impact . Meanwhile, their husband learns that he is the breadwinner at all costs, which isn't great for him.

Please rethink the assumption that his career is delicate and must be protected at all costs, and that yours is unimportant and can be sacrificed. You have found a career you enjoy and you are good at - this doesn't come along every day.

And your husband is actually in a much stronger negotiating position than you are currently - can he negotiate flexi time, working from home some days a week, compressed hours or go down to part time?

Childminders won't take sick kids either.

How about a back up babysitter? Maybe an older retired person or an au pair/student who might want to pick up additional hours? If you have a cleaner you could see if they have any availability.

An agency like sitters can provide day time babysitters at short notice too but it might not be the same person/someone your child knows.