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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Neighbour's unhappy dog

70 replies

AltasCloud · 30/06/2019 12:59

First of all, I love dogs. And I have no problems with my neighbours!

They're not over friendly, we say hi if we see each other but they keep themselves to themselves.

They have two dogs, one of which has separation anxiety. I know this because he cries, howls and barks continuously when the house is empty, even with the other dog there. I know he's old, around 15, too. They are aware he has separation anxiety but unlikely to know he cries continually, I imagine.

Luckily, he is very rarely left alone and this past year I've heard him crying/howling only three or four times, and never for more than 2-3 hours.

But - I've listened to the poor dog cry for 5 hours today. The whole family must be out (their car isn't there) and no idea when they're returning.

What would you do? I feel so bad for the dog. I'd offer to dogsit but I'm a terrible pushover and I wouldn't want them to become CF and start leaving them with me all the time...

Is it none of my business?

OP posts:

maddy68 · 30/06/2019 22:54

If the dog is 15 acclimatising isn't really an option. They do have to go out sometimes ! Honestly there is little they can do at this stage.

maddy68 · 30/06/2019 22:57

How do you know that they haven't asked a neighbour to let it out for a wee or if they have s dog flap ?

TruthOnTrial · 01/07/2019 03:11

I am at a loss to have any clue OP why on earth you would post for advice, be advised that this ddog is obviously suffering and then do fuck all about it all day, leaving it to wail continuously. FGS!

Right...
Your responses...
I said You are assuming separation anxiety based on your current knowledge

You replied: The owners told me he has separation anxiety.
Yes!!! I know, but you assumed that this was separation anxiety and it might well not have been, but you didnt di anything anyway. So U left that poor ddog to suffer! You claim to care but couldn't give two fucks, or you would have waded in

I said To leave a ddog suffering this way for any reason is cruel

You said: Couldn't agree more!

...yet, you did leave it suffering, and its cruel!!

I said If the ddog is suffering call out RSPCA

Your answer: The RSPCA can't force their way into the house.

Wrong! They would not leave that ddog suffering like you did. If the rspca nees to get in they call the police and break in. They do the same with ddogs in cars.

So what exactly was your point in posting if yiu were going to leave the ddog wailing and ignore any advice offered to actually do something.

To me, that smacks of you being selfish and more concerned about your worries than actual harm to an elerly suffering ddog.

You didnt even try to speak to neighbours who might have had a key.

TruthOnTrial · 01/07/2019 03:16

No ddog, separation anxiety or not, dementia or not, should be left in that state. Ever.

Honestly, some of the responses on here.

LidoDeck · 01/07/2019 03:22

I agree with TruthOnTrial. You posted asking for advice, didn't take any, let the dog suffer without even trying to find a way to help it, then when the neighbours get back you just let it go? Tut.

Original poster

AltasCloud · 01/07/2019 07:10

I didn't leave the dog to suffer, the owners did. The situation was caused by them, not me.

I'll speak to the neighbour after she's done the school run this morning.

OP posts:

Queenioqueenio · 01/07/2019 07:16

It’s a good idea to speak to them later. Be careful what future help you end up offering them though. You don’t want this to venture into CF territory by them asking if you can have the dog every time - shifting responsibilities onto you.

Original poster

AltasCloud · 01/07/2019 07:38

Yeah that's my worry. Often I need to go out unexpectedly too.

If I offer to hold a spare key, I could then go around if needed - but I have a feeling they'd not be comfortable with that. We'll see how it goes when I chat to her.

OP posts:

CanuckBC · 01/07/2019 08:07

This is so sad 😞. Poor old pup… He should not be left too his own devices for 12 hours! He should have been let out at least twice during that time. If not more due to his age. As it was for the whole day some attention time either through play, a walk or even just sitting and chilling with the two dogs could be enough. Depends on the energy of the dogs. They are pack animals and like seeing and interacting with all of their pack, people included!

ziggiestardust · 01/07/2019 08:26

We have the exact same issue with our neighbours! They have a large, energetic 3yo rescue dog (he looks like he’s got husky in him, absolutely beautiful). They go out to work, (him all day, her for about 4-5 hours across the middle of the day) and just leave him. He has horrible separation anxiety and barks/howls the entire time. I’ve literally never seen him being walked. They frequently go out for the whole day, especially in the summer and just leave him for hours, then scream at him when they get back for the damage he’s done; torn up hardwood flooring, chewed through doors etc.

We have spoken to them. What did we get? “What do you expect!? It’s a dog, it barks!’ Followed by them stalking off inside and playing rough with the dog and encouraging him to bark. For an hour. Seriously, these people are all the same. They think they’re fucking heroes too, they’ve got the bumper stickers that proudly announce that they rescued a dog from Battersea. I think he’d have been better off in Battersea a little while longer and finding a family who care enough in all honesty. I’m shocked they passed the home visit; they aren’t active at all, and they’re not in the best of health.

Figmentofmyimagination · 01/07/2019 08:50

Separation anxiety is terrible - and terrible to listen to. Ours has never got over it, despite dog psychologist etc. Beautiful cocker spaniel, loved by the whole family, but we can’t even pop to the local store without her setting up to howl continuously. We did all the prescribed routines over years, even bought actamil etc etc. Nothing works. Now either one person stays at home or she goes to a dog crèche. It’s a real pain.

Original poster

AltasCloud · 01/07/2019 09:26

Well that was horrible.

She wouldn't believe he was crying the whole 12 hours, she said he would have slept at some point (he really didn't). I offered dogsitting or having a key, she laughed, I got told to 'oh fuck off' and that's the first time I've ever had a door slammed in my face.

I want to move ASAP. :(

OP posts:

ziggiestardust · 01/07/2019 09:32

OP these people are all the same; they’re absolutely delusional. I’m so sorry that happened to you. Do you rent? Are you able to move quite quickly?

newmomof1 · 01/07/2019 09:37

Report her to the RSPCA then.

And the next time it happens, record the dog, report her to the council and call the RSPCA again.

Rinse and repeat.

Original poster

AltasCloud · 01/07/2019 09:46

OP these people are all the same; they’re absolutely delusional

I still can't believe it. If a neighbour told me my dog had been crying for 12 hours I'd feel bloody awful. Not have a go at them!

I hate confrontation, I feel quite sick. I saw her take both dogs out afterwards and they were both wagging their tails looking very happy, at least that's something.

Thing is, if I report her now she'll know it's me. I'm really worried from her reaction she would escalate some sort of revenge?

No I don't rent, it's owned. I was considering moving to be somewhere more rural, I think this has confirmed it. The area is very bad, (we have 'drug corner') but it was all we could afford at the time.

OP posts:

ziggiestardust · 01/07/2019 10:05

I know I was gobsmacked at our neighbours actually! I don’t even leave my cat for 12 hours! I can’t imagine the thought process where a well meaning neighbour informs you your (apparently) well loved dog has been crying for hours and hours, and instead of showing concern; you tell them to fuck off.

No advice with what to do next... I felt the same way RE: reporting to RSPCA, they will know it’s you and they don’t seem like great, well rounded individuals. If you do sell; maybe try and avoid viewings for times you know they’re going to be out.

Ours was actually slightly improved by our neighbours’ kids coming round to watch their house whilst they went away on holiday. When they returned, they all went out for a meal. Of course the poor dog barked all evening; when they returned, they were walking up the road about 10pm and we were laid in bed with the windows open. We heard the girl say ‘oh my God you can hear all the way up the street, that’s ridiculous’. The male neighbour made some kind of comment we couldn’t really hear and then laughed; to which the young lad said ‘to be fair, I’d be really pissed off if I was them too. You need to sort it.’ My Mum also visited the next day as they were leaving and of course the dog was barking as he could see his people outside. She’s not the queen of tact, and she loudly said ‘I don’t know how you put up with this racket ziggie, some people ought to be locked UP and BANNED from caring for ANYTHING EVER’ and gave them all a hard stare. They didn’t say anything.. but the woman neighbour doesn’t go out and leave the dog as much as she used to, and they never leave the dog in the evenings anymore. It also wasn’t left this weekend, which I was surprised over because last year they were out and about without the poor dog every single weekend. Do you have a mother like mine who enjoys passive aggression that you could unleash?

Original poster

AltasCloud · 01/07/2019 11:23

Thank you for your post Ziggie, sounds like we have very similar neighbours! Not much thought for anyone or anything else - and sod anyone else. I would genuinely worry about repercussions.

Do you have a mother like mine who enjoys passive aggression that you could unleash

Oooooh I do. I very much do!

OP posts:

newmomof1 · 01/07/2019 11:30

If you're more concerned about retaliation than the dogs welfare I don't know why you started the post.

If you are scared of them that's fine, but don't post online about the situation because it makes you look bad if you're not them willing to act on it.

Smotheroffive · 02/07/2019 12:46

didn't leave the dog to suffer, the owners did. The situation was caused by them, not me

Ugh, yeah, that is exactly what you did. You heard thd ddog in distress. You left it.

If thats was a dc would you just say, nothing to do with me, they hurt it. Well yes, they did, but you knew about it, and then ignored it.

You were always unlikely to get the reaction you wanted, and anyway, its to little far too late. The ddog suffered horrendously for all that time.

You knew that, they didnt, and you did nothing

What is the point of this thread exactly?

Smotheroffive · 02/07/2019 12:48

As for being in full knowledge if a ddog being abused this way, and rehomed by battersea, why choose to be PA??? Nasty.

Tell Battersea, they still own the ddog and will rehome it properly.

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