AIBU not to go to family dinner

[Waystobewicked]

Quick poll please!
Uncle visiting from Canada - he’s fairly old so probably last visit to UK. He’s visiting family and friends all over England while here. My mum had planned a big family dinner for last Sunday date. She planned the date about 6 weeks ago. I told her I couldn’t make it as my kids were musical theatre show and dress rehearsal was on the Sunday. All was fine she was ok.
I told her I could do any other dates bar the show and rehearsals - so a total of 3 days( 2 practices and 1 show day. ) Uncle here in England for about 2 months.
Seeing him and all other family at another family party in a few weeks.
Mum is annoyed as didn’t make her dinner and said as it was only a rehearsal I could have come as it’s one of the last times I’ll see him.
Now I feel really guilty!
I didn’t want my kids to feel worried about missing a rehearsal- but actually would I have been unreasonable to not send them to show to see uncle?

She asked, you said what you could and couldn’t do. She chose to go ahead with the date.

You could go all PasAgg on her in return if you feel like it “if our presence there was so important to you mum, you’d have moved it about to make sure we’re available...”

Refuse to do guilt trips. She won’t like it, but so what. I dare say she’s guilted you into a whole pile of crap in your life so far. Draw the line here for now and the future

You are all going to see him at a family party. You should not feel obliged to have gone to the dinner. Your DC have something to attend that is important to them and their lives. They should not have to change their plans.

She should have picked a different date if she needed you there. It sounds like you're all seeing him anyway at a family party so I don't see why it matters.

You gave her 3 dates you couldn't do and she chose to pick one of them, so she shouldn't get upset that you weren't there. The simple fact is you told her in advance you couldn't on those particular dates!

I have had family do the same and have had the same reaction, Iv realised that it's because they think they/their wants are more important than me/mine and expect that I'll just bend. Their reaction comes from a lack of care or respect for me.

*disclaimer, my situation may be different as I'm talking about people who are emotionally abusive so this is just one small example in a bigger shit pile.

From another viewpoint, were I the uncle I'd consider your children's show to be important for your family and in complete agreement with your decision. (I'd also like to think I might be at least invited to come along to the show)

My own DM was like this. She would have liked every one of us to turn up to all and any trivial family events to show what a close, loving family we were. Only we weren't!