To not want to go back to work yet?

[timeaftertime79]

Just that really.

I had a miscarriage not this Friday but the last. I was nearly at the three month mark and had to stay in the hospital for 2 nights.

Though most of the physical effects have gone, I just don’t feel ready to go back tomorrow. I said I would be back then on Friday so it is my fault. Would I be unreasonable to ask for more time?

So sorry for your loss.

Not unreasonable, take all the time you need to feel better. Your health comes before work.

Get signed off by your GP.

I’m sorry for your loss. And not sure you should have asked this on AIBU as you may get some very direct answers.

You can ask for compassionate leave but it sounds as though they’ve given you medical and compassionate leave. You might never want to go back but routine and another focus may help you, it may not. You’ll be most likely be grieving / taking one step at a time for a while yet and would another day/ week be enough to deal with the emotional trauma? I suspect not. So the benefit is minimal unless you’re in a largely customer facing role where your worried you’ll break down. I personally would go back, as I have a private office to retreat into if required.

Again I’m sorry for your loss x

You could ask. But you might find you are better off getting on with it. A few days at home aren't likely to suddenly magically make you feel all better. Getting back into your normal routine and giving yourself something else to think about might actually be beneficial. That's been my experience, anyway.

No. Sorry for your loss. I took a month in total SMS really felt I needed that. Take as long as you need.

Sorry for your loss. I was off for 5 weeks after my mmc. Self certified one week and signed off two x two weeks.

So sorry op

I have never had a miscarriage but you need to take care of yourself. I would apologise and see your gp for a sick note.

Sorry to hear thjs OP. You are better off returning to work to take your mind off it, otherwise you'll end up wallowing.

Sorry to hear thjs OP. You are better off returning to work to take your mind off it, otherwise you'll end up wallowing.

Well maybe but you can't possibly know that. Everyone is different and the OP feels she needs more time off. I had 2 weeks in similar circumstances and absolutely needed it mentally although was physically ready sooner. Returning earlier would not have been good for me.

Thank you so far everyone.

I’m not sure I’m ready as I tried to go out yesterday and had to turn back because I felt like crap. I’m not in pain but still a little lightheaded and drained. Emotionally it’s only really hit me this weekend.

I appreciate your advice thank you. I hate calling in sick, always have - I think that’s the problem

You don't have to ASK for more time off. Go to the GP, they will sign you off. Do not underestimate the emotional and psychological recovery process/time

If you don’t feel ready really don’t force yourself, people respond differently to situations especially grief.

Take the time you need OP - you don’t have to push yourself to suit someone else’s schedule. Hope you’re ok, and so sorry for your loss

I went back two weeks after my miscarriage. I was home by lunch time having burst into tears in a meeting. I wasn't ready and if you aren't then don't go in-you don't need to apolgise. Give yourself the time you need.

It doesn't sound as if you are physically ready yet. Hope this isn't asking too much information, but if you are feeling lightheaded, I'm wondering if you are still bleeding, and whether you need to be further checked out by a doctor.
Can you get a doctor appointment tomorrow ?
Sorry for your loss, it's a horrible thing to have to go through.

I had two weeks off when I miscarried. Go back to the GP

Thank you everyone, after your messages I have emailed my manager to let him know I’m not ready to be in tomorrow.

I am still bleeding just not as heavily and will be going to the doctor tomorrow. I think you’re right that the lightheaded symptom is from the blood loss.

Not unreasonable at all. I found out on Friday 14th that I'd miscarried (found out at the 12 week scan that the baby had died at 11 weeks 1 day) and had d&c the Wednesday after. I took one week sick but had annual leave pre booked for 10 days after that so going back next Tuesday. If I hadn't had the holiday booked I think I'd have taken 2 weeks sick.

It's not just the physical stuff, it's the randomly crying all the time (partly because it's utterly shit (obviously) and partly hormonal I assume) and also just getting your head round the fact that all the wonderful plans I'd had won't be happening any more. Urgh.

Having said that I'm sure there is value in "getting out of your own head" a bit - either by working or doing other things to keep your mind occupied.

Does your boss know the full situation? Have they been sympathetic so far?

Cross posted with you OP - I think you've made the right decision. Take it easy

Thank you

I would get signed off by your GP to grieve for a while OP. I'm so sorry for your loss.