Eternity ring

[TrainsandDiggers]

So, I know not everyone receives or even likes the idea of eternity rings, but i have always appreciated the symbolism of them. My family typically give them after the birth of a first child, but my husband and I thought it would be nice to get one for our 10 year wedding anniversary. This is next month and my husband has just told me that he hasn’t bought me one as we’ve been going through a rough patch! His view is that the exchanging of an eternity ring should be a happy occasion when things are going well. I on the other hand feel really hurt, as though (symbolically) he can’t commit to me if we are having a difficult time, which really devalues our marriage (better for worse, etc etc). In fact, I feel this ring is more important to me now more than ever because of our recent struggles. AIBU to feel hurt?

I thought they were first wedding anniversary or first child, whichever came first? May be wrong though. I ended up paying for my own because of circumstances at the time (he helped choose the stones and design and we had it made but I paid for it). He never did give me the money for it but that's a whole other thread!

YANBU to be upset, as he's clearly saying that he isn't sure there's a future for ooyu.
On the other hand, I don't think he ibu either. I think if things are crap, then him buying you an expensive piece of jewellery to celebrate your marriage is a bit odd.

You need to focus on your marriage and your future, not a ring. Iwodnerif the rejection you feel by not having one is actually a projection of how he treats you in general

Ignore the ring. That really doesn't matter at all. Focus on your marriage.

I can understand you feel hurt but I think I agree with your DH. You haven't said what the rough patch has been about (and neither do you have to btw) but I think if I was to get an eternity ring, I would want it to be symbolic of both where we were and where we were going as a couple. I wouldn't want to look at it and think about the bad time we were having when I got it.

I think you're both being unreasonable to overthink it so much. It's just a piece of jewellery. I didn't even know giving an eternity ring was like, for an event.

YANBU because it IS indeed as though he is saying he's not sure.

But...what was the rough patch about? That's key here. If it was something like you being unfaithful well then I wouldn't blame him but if it were less serious, then I would.

Can you elaborate on the rough patch?

That's a lot of importance to attach to a ring.

If he had given it to you during a rough patch he may have worried that you would have seen it as an attempt to buy himself back into favour.

Sort out your problems and stop placing such value on something that actually won't make a scrap of difference to your relationship.

YANBU

The ring is more than just a ring it is symbol of your past, present and future together.

YABU I reckon in your DH’s eyes he would see giving you this ring now as patching up the cracks and pretending everything is OK when it isn’t. Work on your marriage, get back to a good place and then celebrate with the ring if you must have it.

YABU. The fact he is your husband debunks your 'can't commit' theory...

I think along the same lines as your husband. The ring would just remind me of the tricky patch if I received it at the same time. Better for him to give it with things are good.