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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

sexual innuendos

26 replies

sasha7 · 29/06/2019 12:58

I met up an old flame of 20 yrs. we started chatting and got 're-connected' it was lovely to send sweet messages and relive the past. I am married with grown up children. He lost his wife (47 yrs)from brain hemorrhage. Being reconnected with him gave him some hope and his life perked up a bit, which was my intention.

Few times he sent a pictures of ice cream or some sort in a shape of male genital organ or would respond about my cat in ' I remember your pussy'...I told him it was offensive.
He apologised, then he did again and I did not respond.

AIBU or being pompous to react this way when it is only words/language? or should I just play along with it? I do kinda worry that he is ok and not getting into a dip, but I do not want him to feel that it is ok for him to send me vile messages. Don't understand why he can't be civil. He wants some kind of reaction, maybe. I do not want to stoop to his level. I am being pontifical and unreasonable? Not sure how I should respond.

OP posts:
Pinkarsedfly · 29/06/2019 12:59

He’s being vile. Sack him off. You’ve told him it makes you uncomfortable and yet he persists.
You owe him nowt. It’s not your fault his wife died.

UrsulaPandress · 29/06/2019 13:00

Yuk.

I'll join you on the po faced bench.

wildcherries · 29/06/2019 13:02

Ew. That aside, he's not listening to you. Time to disconnect again. He isn't a friend.

bingbongnoise · 29/06/2019 13:02

@sasha7

WTAF? Why are you even in CONTACT with this man (in this manner) if you are a married woman? Hmm How would you like it if your husband did this with an 'old flame?!'

Sending 'sweet messages and reliving the past?' Hmm Sounds like a naff Mills and Boon novel!

Do me a favour.

If this is genuine, then FFS block him, and sort out your marriage!

GruciusMalfoy · 29/06/2019 13:03

Time to cut back the contact I think - he only wants this to go one way. His bereavement doesn't give him carte blanche to send you inappropriate messages.

Plump82 · 29/06/2019 13:04

No, no, no. That's not on. Hes being vile. Don't play along. How would you feel if your husband was playing along with an old flames innuendos? He's crossed the line. Id just delete his details.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 29/06/2019 13:04

Ffs you married so why are you even meeting him?

I bet you hoped to perk his life up, an affair in the making or what......

Sparklesocks · 29/06/2019 13:07

Ew, that’s completely inappropriate (and gross!)
Why are you still talking to him? He’s acting like a hormonal teenager

birdonawire1 · 29/06/2019 13:09

Totally agree with everyone. Stop contact.

ashtrayheart · 29/06/2019 13:13

I’m not against a bit of innuendo when it’s gentle and amusing but this is unfunny, crass and he clearly just wants one thing from you!

justasking111 · 29/06/2019 13:14

eeuww. sicko alert.

HollowTalk · 29/06/2019 13:22

Since you two separating all those years ago, he's become an idiot. That's all there is to it. I wouldn't bother talking to him again.

HollowTalk · 29/06/2019 13:23

And I think in his mind, you are moving towards reigniting your sexual relationship, despite the fact you're married. Maybe ask your husband what he thinks?

HiItsClemFandango · 29/06/2019 13:25

You. Are. Married.

Sagradafamiliar · 29/06/2019 13:32

You do realise he's trying to shag you?

CrazyToast · 29/06/2019 13:35

It's possible to do innuendo and flirting without been coarse and disrespectful like this. And to continue when you told him to stop? Jeez what a tool he is. I would cut off contact immediately. Also he is definitely trying to shag you so if you arent interested in that, another reason to sack him off.

Laiste · 29/06/2019 13:42

Ask yourself: What would you like your husband to do if it were him receiving sexual messages from an old flame who he's ''perked up'' lately?

BooksAreMyOnlyFriends · 29/06/2019 13:46

Grim. Have you actually met up again or is this an online thing so far?

jameswong · 29/06/2019 13:47

Do those years add up?

You have more than one grown up child. So you've been with your current husband at least 20 years. I presume a bit more.

What does the 20 years mean in brackets in your post? Is that how long ago you were together? And his wife, she was 47 years old or they were together 47 years?

daisyboocantoo · 29/06/2019 14:14

Ugh. Block

BeardedMum · 29/06/2019 14:15

Block😷

dottycat123 · 29/06/2019 14:22

Do you really not understand that he thinks the pair of you are in the flirtatious stage of a relationship?

PatriciaHolm · 29/06/2019 14:24

Stop contact.

And find another way to boost your ego other than "perking up" old flames...

Original poster
sasha7 · 29/06/2019 14:27

Thank you all for your input.

Yes I've blocked him. Not stooping to his level. My husband is aware of my re/connection with him but not about his foul language.
We were together 25 years ago and you guys are right: I am not responsible for his wife's death nor for his loneliness. If he wants to be friends, he has to be civil.

OP posts:
Laiste · 29/06/2019 15:01

Well said OP.
Another successful AIBU :)