To think that kids birthday parties are so hard to arrange when your parents don't get on?

[picnickers]

My son is only 8 months old and we have had a horrific year. I've escaped domestic abuse. He's been unwell. I've been unwell. I want to throw him an amazing first birthday party (ok it's more of a party for me but hey ho!) but my parents don't get on. They can't be in the same room together as they really hate each other. They're allowed to hate each other and to be honest I don't know that I would be any different had I been through what they've been through.

It's easy to just say 'they should get on for the kids sake' but this'll never happen so no point even considering it.

I love them both dearly.

Do I just have two parties? One with fiends from mums side of the family? One with friends from dads side? It would be hugely weird to have them all together but only doing one or the other would end up excluding people.

I'm very stressed about it!

They don't have to get on with each other. They do have to be in the same room as each other without fighting. If they can't manage that, I wouldn't be inviting either of them to the party.

When I say they can't be in the same room together, physically of course they can, but they haven't seen each other for 10 years. It'll be hugely awkward. I don't want to remember my son's first birthday like that! This is more about my feeling awkward than theirs.

I’d crack this now rather than set a precedent going forward.

This is going to be an ongoing thing with birthdays, school events if they are involved and then bigger things like weddings.

They’re adults. They can be civil (or ignore each other politely) for two hours for your child’s sake.