To be unsympathetic

[newmomof1]

AIBU to be unsympathetic towards someone who's been diagnosed with a condition that can increase the risk of a stroke, but is unwilling to give up smoking/alcohol/lose weight?

I think I'd try to be sympathetic and keep trying to encourage them to make the lifestyle changes. Though theres only so long I'd be able to keep that up. Telling them it's their own fault isn't going to motivate them to change

Ah I would never tell them it's their own fault, it's more that people around me are really letting it get them down (not the affected person).
It doesn't help that the persons OH is telling everyone that it's really serious and that they're so worried, when really if it was that serious they'd make some lifestyle changes.

I think I've just become really intolerant since I've given birth and that I'm just being a bit cold...

Ypur reaction is usual after Birth. It's because ypu are switched into your own circumstances.

I'm 52, ive sen people, including my Mother drink/smoke themselves unto a stroke and death. So your comment,
" if it was that serious they'd make some lifestyle changes" doesn't make sense. Some people also eat themselves tp death.

That is the nature of addiction/mental health issues.

Most of western disease and causes of death is lifestyle. Most cancers, can be avoided.

So try not to be too smug.

I think you can be sympathetic towards the individual whilst also encouraging them to make better choices.

You don't need to agree with the way someone's living in order to just show them kindness.

@Ponoka7 yes and I have seen people be told they're at higher risk of a heart attack and then change their lifestyles completely... people do do it so my comment absolutely does make sense.
Granted, it's the individuals choice, which is why I was happy to acknowledge that maybe I am being unreasonable.

I don't think 'smug' was necessarily the word you're looking for though.

@FudgeBrownie2019 you're right.

I think my frustration comes more from seeing someone's choices affect the people around them in a negative way but supporting them and trying to encourage a better lifestyle sensitively is definitely the best way forward.

What does the individual say when you point out that they’re lucky, they’re in a situation which they have some control over? Many are not.

YABU. Do you only care for perfect people? Everyone I know does at least one thing which isn’t great for them (drink/smoke/travel into city centre and breathe in all sorts of fumes etc etc). As a human being I feel sympathy for someone suffering, maybe judge less and care more.

@Alienspaceship there is an acknowledgment. They get it, but as I say, I think I'm more annoyed that their decisions have a negative emotional impact on others.
They're not necessarily the kind of person to feel sorry for themselves but there'll be the occasional 'woe is me' for attention.

@Chocolate35 read the thread 🙄

But if they're addicted (which is an illness in itself) then it's a vicious circle isn't it?

My mum was an alcoholic. She died less than a year ago and I'm sure alcohol didn't help.
But she was ill.
I can assure you she didn't want to drink but once she was in the midst of a binge she couldn't physically stop.
It made her extremely ill. I remember having a conversation with her where she was crying her eyes out, saying she wants to stop but she's petrified of the fits if she just stops cold turkey (and weaning herself off never worked.)

It's very, very different from not caring about those around them. You have to understand the addiction - if you don't, then you'll never be able to sympathise.

@PreachesPeaches completely respect that. The smoking is definitely an addiction - I'd say probably a good 40 years as a smoker.
Told us they were going to stop before our DD was born but in the end didn't even attempt to (again, their choice, didn't judge them for this).

The drink isn't - that can be taken or left (and in fairness generally isn't enough to make a massive difference to their health). The only time they can't control their drink is when they're with a certain group of friends, and that's because they feel the need to 'prove' they can handle it. They can't, but that's by the by.

@PreachesPeaches I'm sorry to hear about your mom - it must have been really tough

I did read the thread. So they smoke and drink a bit? Surely, regardless of this you would be upset if something happened to them so why would you not be sympathetic?

@Chocolate35 because of the emotional impact it has on others. They're currently at high risk because of their habits (or addiction as was pointed out).

The person it's affecting the worst is the person they should care about the most - but they're not considering how it might affect this person and that's what frustrates/upsets me.
This person then worries and withdraws themselves (their MH isn't the best) but this is not recognised as this person is just always expected to be the strong, supportive one. Their MH battles aren't acknowledged by the 'ill' person as they're of an older generation so think 'people are just too soft these days'.

However I've acknowledged everyone's comments and taken them on board.